Greetings all!
Lots of cool stories to share! One of the most exciting happened the other day, but first I’ll back up and share some other things. I left Friday the 13th to drive to the YFC conference center in Magaliesberg, South Africa with three other YFC Botswana staff for a weekend youth leader conference. It was a great, rejuvenating trip and I hope to share more in a future post about how it was meaningful to me spiritually.
The day after the conference in South Africa, Monday the 16th, we started a Youth Week camp at a church an hour away from Mochudi. It was every night last week, ending with a youth service Sunday morning. We, the YFC staff/volunteers, each took turns leading the program for a night (choosing songs, memory verse, games, bible quiz, and giving the talk). My night was Thursday, though all week I helped lead worship along with E.J., the national director. It was the first time I’ve gotten to use my guitar plugged into a sound system, so that was cool. My talk was on the Holy Spirit and sanctification (growing more and more like Christ). For part of it, I shared about how the Holy Spirit had led me to be a “messenger of mercy” and extend mercy in court to the man who caused our accident. The outreach camp went really well, and we can tell that the youth were impacted and learned a lot.
Last week I also organized a planning meeting for the abstinence club we have the go-ahead to start at the Senior Secondary School in Mochudi. Tomorrow we will meet again to continue planning the curriculum. The teacher from the school who I met with a couple weeks back is coming to these meetings, as well as two local young men who are graduates from that school and were both volunteers with Face the Nation, the AIDS prevention programme started by the church I attend in Gaborone that just finished working in that school (and every senior secondary school in the country). So it’s great to have all their input and insight in creating the curriculum to help encourage abstinence and support the 300+ students who made commitments to sexually abstain from now until their marriage and be faithful to their spouse in marriage.
Yesterday, Twila [a new YFC volunteer/housemate from Canada] and I went to a government meeting for all the NGOs [non-governmental organizations] in this district who are working to fight AIDS. We learned the latest statistics on the situation in our district and how we can work together collaboratively to address the needs here. One presenter said, “We can expect and desire that Youth for Christ will be working to promote abstinence…and not just telling youth to abstain, but helping them develop life-skills to be able to abstain.” Amen, sister. We’re on it!
And finally, it’s time for the best story! On Saturday, I felt I should go and pray on top of the lookout point in Mochudi, near the chief’s house and office [yes, there is tribal leadership here – a hereditary chief and his headman]. Anyway, I have been trying to go up to the lookout point once a week to pray for the people of Mochudi, especially the youth. However, this time, I felt like I should take my guitar and just worship God on the “mountain” [it’s like a craggy hill/cliff thing, but “mountain” is easier]. I’d never done that, and I thought, “Really, Lord? You want me to sing/worship up there?”, not knowing who might be around during this busy weekend of a traditional cultural ritual going on by the chief’s office [the women were being officially initiated into the tribe after weeks of initiation school where they do lots of traditional rituals. This hasn’t been done for decades here in Mochudi, but the new chief is reviving it again]. But I felt like I was supposed to go with my guitar anyway, so I grabbed it, drove there, and parked by the chief’s office. There was no one really around (I found out later that the big initiation ceremony had already happened earlier that day). I hiked up the “mountain” and just stood there overlooking Mochudi, singing songs to the King of kings and Lord of lords.
I played and sang for awhile, slightly amused by the donkeys rolling around on the path down below (scratching their backs?!). After I got done singing “How Great is Our God,” I was surprised to hear clapping coming from the rocks to my left. I bent down to see two boys sitting in the cleft of a massive rock, who had evidently been there listening for awhile. I smiled and said hi, but felt I should just keep worshipping, so I continued. A couple songs later, the boys crawled up behind me on the rocks and sat to listen. I introduced myself and learned their names—Moses and Laone, brothers. I asked if they wanted me to keep singing? Yes! So I sang another worship song or two and felt led to just start talking to them.
“I’ve been singing songs to Modimo [God] and Jesu [Jesus]. Do you know Modimo…or Jesus?” They said not really, or not well. I asked, “Would you like to know Modimo more…to know more about Jesu?” They both replied, “Yes.” I was kind of stunned for a second with this opportunity that just fell into my lap, but I was like, “Ok then..well…Modimo created the whole world, including you and me…”
And I went on for several minutes explaining the message of the gospel. I had some paper so I could draw out things to help them understand and read verses to them from my bible. We talked about what it means to repent, to truly trust in Christ, to let Him be Lord of your life, etc. I explained how just going to church and doing good things can’t restore a close relationship with God…only trusting in Christ and accepting His work on the cross can bring us close to God.
I felt I should ask them where they feel they are spiritually in regard to Christ. Moses, the older brother, said that he feels like he’s kinda in the middle—he hasn’t ever really trusted in Christ, though he goes to church. I told him if he ever wants to, to become a Christian, he can sincerely pray to God and trust Him and accept His forgiveness. I sort of demonstrated a prayer he could pray to God to start the journey of following Him. I made sure to emphasize that praying a prayer like that is not the end, but just the beginning of a life lived with God where he can follow His plans and will for him.
I felt I should ask him if he wants to trust Christ? He replied, “Yes I want to trust Christ.” I continued, “And let Him be Lord of your life, like the kgosi [chief], where you do what He says…read the bible and follow what it says?” “Yes.” I could sense his sincerity.
Again, I was kind of at a loss for words for a second and felt like I should ask if what I had said in that demonstrated prayer was what he felt he wanted to pray to God? Did it express what he felt in his heart? “Yes.” Ok…! so I asked, “Do you want me to just pray that again and you can repeat it after me?” Both brothers enthusiastically nodded and said yes. Ok…! So I led them in a prayer on top of the “mountain”!
I learned they were 12 and 15 years old and go to a solid biblical church here in Mochudi. I explained where our YFC office is (right near their church!) so they can stop by and we’ll connect them with our follow-up discipleship bible study program. I encouraged them to talk to God (pray), keep going to church, to read the bible (which they have at home), and to stop by YFC on Saturday nights for our coffee bar program as well. What an amazing experience! As someone told me last night, it was like another divine appointment. God is so cool.
To be honest, that’s not normally my “style” in terms of evangelism. True I’ve had several spiritual conversations with strangers in random places over the years…on airplanes [the first spiritual conversation I had with a stranger was a 3-hour one with a Pakistani Muslim on a plane, and he was the one who kept asking more questions about Jesus!], hiking volcanoes/mountains, in taxis/buses, on Mayan ruins, in a Botswana government meeting, etc, but I normally don’t feel led to lead people in a prayer to give their lives to God right then and there because I want to be sure they are sincere and not feeling pressured or coerced in any way to say yes to pray. Making a commitment to trust Christ and follow Him is not a light, casual thing. So honestly, I have hardly ever prayed with someone on the spot like that.
But with these brothers, it just felt like the Lord had been preparing them and they were sincerely ready…like fruit that was about to fall off the tree and I just happened to be in the right place at the right time to catch it. Even from the first time I saw them in the cleft of the rock just listening to the worship songs, I felt like I needed to just keep singing because the Holy Spirit was working in them through the music…and I would eventually talk with them. And that’s how it turned out. Beautiful. How great is our God!
Well, this week and next are much more relaxed…no official ministry because the schools are on break. So I’m looking forward to some longer runs (last run I saw 6 donkeys, 2 ducks, about 45 cows, and the same 4-foot lizard by the river!) and some more time to relax, process, and reflect.
Thanks for reading. Hope you are well.
Blessings,
Em
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
God's at work! Birth of a Prayer Movement!
Hello all!
Lots of good stuff to report! I will go back and finish up what I was sharing last time about how God was encouraging me in the midst of lots of challenges and trials.
The day that I found out my clothes were stolen after my car effectively died the night before (Sunday July 25--the day I almost broke into tears in the grocery store), I wrote this in my journal:
I was thinking how so much has been stripped away…Dad, Ken, my car (and therefore convenience, independence), my clothes, my health, etc…so that I really only can hope, trust, depend and find comfort in God…It’s almost as if I’m finding out if God is enough to satisfy me…Things I usually ‘count on’ are no longer guaranteed…the only stable secure thing is God and His love.
Then later that day, after I was in tears, I read my daily devotional and that day’s entry was entitled: “God is Enough” and all about how in the midst of trials we can trust Him to be sufficient!
The next day, as I shared briefly last post, I was able to secure the ability to lead an abstinence club at the local high school in Mochudi. I found out later that YFC has never had a club at that school! My second day back from the States in mid-July, I went over to the school to meet with the Face the Nation [AIDS prevention programme] volunteers for whom I’d been a prayer partner during the 5-week abstinence curriculum they taught at the school. They texted me just 20 minutes before they would be leaving the school on their last day there. So I hopped in my car to be able to see them again before they left and hopefully meet the guidance/counseling staff with whom I would need to talk to get permission to start the abstinence club. In that short time, I did get to meet and exchange contact info with the key staff person, who even prayed with us as we held hands in a circle in her office.
I also contacted another teacher that Face the Nation had connected me with, who wants to help in running an abstinence club. The teacher told me the sobering fact that just in this last term (3 months long) there have been 9 pregnancies at that school, so this club is sorely needed. This teacher is the one I mentioned who has a Masters in HIV/AIDS management and who is translating our materials into Braille for the blind students. I went to the school last week to meet with her, and we are going to meet again next week to adapt/create the curriculum to better fit the students there. She has been asking students what they think will be most effective for a club. Meanwhile, I’ve been researching on the internet and in other approaches to see what we can do for curriculum.
The next day after calling the guidance/counseling teacher to secure the ability to do the abstinence club, Tuesday July 27, I was invited to share with the Canadian short-term team the testimony of how I was called to Botswana and about the accident/recovery and speaking in court. So I was grateful for the opportunity to give a powerpoint presentation to share about God’s “amazing-ness” and redemptive Hand.
That night, I felt led to write a letter to one particular Canadian team member, as the team would be leaving the next day. It turns out she also felt led to write me a letter that night, so the next day we exchanged them at the same time. I read her letter to me later that afternoon after we’d dropped them at the airport. I was blown away by what I read – it was like a mirror image of what I had written to her! Here is part of what I wrote to her:
“It’s a long race this life…it’s not a sprint. You have to have a marathon mentality. Do marathon runners just wake up one day and run a marathon without training? No…they would not be able to finish for lack of conditioning. Likewise, the Lord is preparing you to run with perseverance the race He’s set before you” [Hebrews 12:2].
Her letter, written the same night, included that same verse about running with perseverance the race He’s set before us, and she also included this:
“You are making a difference here! You are! But you are taking down a huge giant here—AIDS—and that’s not going to happen overnight, it will be a marathon. But if you train with God and walk by faith, you will be unstoppable (Hebrews 11).”
Crazy cool, eh? I emailed her when she got back to ask if she remembered what she wrote in hers, and she responded:
“Oh and about your letter...ya i totally remember what i wrote...it was like the same as yours! i was freakin out on the plane when i was reading it. Jehovah Sneaky :P”
I had told her about “Jehovah Sneaky” and now I shall acquaint you as well. You see, there are different names given to God in the Old Testament, like Jehovah Rapha (The God who Heals), Jehovah Jireh (The God who Provides), Jehovah Nissi (The Lord is my Banner), etc…and “Jehovah Sneaky” is another name I like to call God when He does crazy cool, loving things you weren’t expecting :), i.e. the same day we read the letters, “Jehovah Sneaky” had also been at work prompting one of the Canadians to anonymously pay for my new car battery.
A couple nights later, I didn’t so much sleep…for a beautiful reason—the first All-Night Interdenominational Prayer Meeting here at the YFC office! At points there were upwards of 70 people praising and praying to God; 25 people stayed the whole time from 10pm - 6 am!! It was the kick-start of an interdenominational prayer movement that will meet here at YFC regularly. It is definitely a "God-thing"... one of the other YFC staff, Maruping, who just came on staff before I had to go back to the US for Dad’s funeral, organized it while I was in the States without my knowledge and without knowing that I had been journaling and praying about starting the same thing! Also, he felt we should continue the prayer movement on Sunday nights at the office...the same night and place I had journaled about! Meanwhile, the YFC director's wife said she felt the time is now for an interdenominational, intergenerational prayer movement here to unify the churches.
So we are excited about what the Lord is doing here! I helped lead worship for part of the All-Night of Prayer, but honestly I was not needed—local Batswana led worship for most of it and sang their hearts out to God. We spent several hours praising and worshipping God, heard preaching from a pastor followed by prayer for people, and then we all united in intercession. We prayed for the youth here, the political leaders, the church leaders that they would be kingdom-minded, for unity among the churches, for each other and our families, etc. Maruping even led a time of prayer for the Jewish people and the peace of Jerusalem. It was a beautiful and exciting time.
I had actually first found out about it on the preceding Sunday (the rough day that my clothes were stolen and I was sick) when I had attended a local church here in Mochudi with the Canadian short-term team. The church made an announcement in the service about an All-Night of Prayer to be held the upcoming Friday at Youth for Christ offices! It was to pave the way for creating a sustained prayer movement in this area.
The first of those Sunday night prayer meetings was last week (August 8), and we feel this is a prayer movement that should only stop when Jesus returns. We are praying for these meetings to gain momentum and bring unity to the Body of Christ here. One exciting thing to share about the first meeting was that two teenage girls had been walking by and felt drawn to come in…we found out afterwards that they weren’t yet followers of Christ, but they were seeking to know more and learn how they could follow Him! So while Maruping was talking to them afterwards and praying with them, another attendee asked what ministry things I’m doing lately so I told him about starting the abstinence club at the local high school. Turns out, he used to be a Face the Nation volunteer and worked in that school (as well as attended it himself in his teens). He is willing to help with the abstinence club and counseling of teens there!
That same guy stopped by yesterday to tell me that he talked with a teacher at another school where I help lead Scripture Union club, and shared that perhaps YFC can hold a training so the various club leaders at surrounding schools can all come and be equipped on how to lead their own peer-counseling and abstinence clubs. Wow…so that’s cool. Way to think strategically to reach the most youth – train and equip the student leaders from several schools! I honestly don’t know what exactly at this point we would share with them, but he also mentioned that there’s a research agency in town who would be willing to partner with us and possibly provide material and statistics!
The doors of opportunity keep flying open! I need discernment now to be sure I’m choosing the right things to get involved in so I don’t bite off more than I can chew. But that’s a great problem to have…and we just need to pray for God to raise up more volunteers and staff. The fields are ripe for the harvest, but the labourers are few. It is encouraging though to see this guy rising up with such eagerness and willingness to help. He also was one of the lead singers during the whole night of prayer.
Someone sent me a message the other day saying that she was going to pray “that God will send someone alongside you to help you with your work.” I read that yesterday, the day this guy brought up the idea of having trainings for club leaders and expressed his willingness to do whatever he can to help. Then today, Maruping told me that a guy walking past the office told him he wants to get involved—and he too used to be a Face the Nation volunteer! He’s going to stop by and talk to me soon! Amen!!
Tomorrow I am driving 5 hours to a YFC retreat center in Magaliesberg, South Africa with 3 YFC Botswana staff for a youth leader conference this weekend. We will return on Sunday. This will be my first long road trip in Africa, first time driving through a border post, and first time driving in South Africa. Interestingly enough, though, it will be my third time at this retreat center. It was where my mission trip to Botswana in 2004 started and ended! So I’m looking forward to being back there and reminiscing on the many things God taught me there and the journey that He has led me on since. Prayers for safe travels are most appreciated, and also for the Youth Week camp starting Monday for teenagers in a city adjoining the capital. I will give the message on Thursday night about the Holy Spirit and becoming more and more Christlike. Sweetness.
Ok I’m gonna go for a run. I saw a 4 foot lizard recently on a run down by the river! Creepy. Literally ;). Just now I heard rustling outside...a huge herd of goats was in the YFC office yard climbing up and eating leaves off our trees! Like a few days ago, I had to chase the goats out of the yard. Last time the goats were accompanied by 6 chickens too. That was a fun task 'herding' them out of the yard! You're welcome, people of Mochudi, for that spectacle!
Blessings,
Em
Lots of good stuff to report! I will go back and finish up what I was sharing last time about how God was encouraging me in the midst of lots of challenges and trials.
The day that I found out my clothes were stolen after my car effectively died the night before (Sunday July 25--the day I almost broke into tears in the grocery store), I wrote this in my journal:
I was thinking how so much has been stripped away…Dad, Ken, my car (and therefore convenience, independence), my clothes, my health, etc…so that I really only can hope, trust, depend and find comfort in God…It’s almost as if I’m finding out if God is enough to satisfy me…Things I usually ‘count on’ are no longer guaranteed…the only stable secure thing is God and His love.
Then later that day, after I was in tears, I read my daily devotional and that day’s entry was entitled: “God is Enough” and all about how in the midst of trials we can trust Him to be sufficient!
The next day, as I shared briefly last post, I was able to secure the ability to lead an abstinence club at the local high school in Mochudi. I found out later that YFC has never had a club at that school! My second day back from the States in mid-July, I went over to the school to meet with the Face the Nation [AIDS prevention programme] volunteers for whom I’d been a prayer partner during the 5-week abstinence curriculum they taught at the school. They texted me just 20 minutes before they would be leaving the school on their last day there. So I hopped in my car to be able to see them again before they left and hopefully meet the guidance/counseling staff with whom I would need to talk to get permission to start the abstinence club. In that short time, I did get to meet and exchange contact info with the key staff person, who even prayed with us as we held hands in a circle in her office.
I also contacted another teacher that Face the Nation had connected me with, who wants to help in running an abstinence club. The teacher told me the sobering fact that just in this last term (3 months long) there have been 9 pregnancies at that school, so this club is sorely needed. This teacher is the one I mentioned who has a Masters in HIV/AIDS management and who is translating our materials into Braille for the blind students. I went to the school last week to meet with her, and we are going to meet again next week to adapt/create the curriculum to better fit the students there. She has been asking students what they think will be most effective for a club. Meanwhile, I’ve been researching on the internet and in other approaches to see what we can do for curriculum.
The next day after calling the guidance/counseling teacher to secure the ability to do the abstinence club, Tuesday July 27, I was invited to share with the Canadian short-term team the testimony of how I was called to Botswana and about the accident/recovery and speaking in court. So I was grateful for the opportunity to give a powerpoint presentation to share about God’s “amazing-ness” and redemptive Hand.
That night, I felt led to write a letter to one particular Canadian team member, as the team would be leaving the next day. It turns out she also felt led to write me a letter that night, so the next day we exchanged them at the same time. I read her letter to me later that afternoon after we’d dropped them at the airport. I was blown away by what I read – it was like a mirror image of what I had written to her! Here is part of what I wrote to her:
“It’s a long race this life…it’s not a sprint. You have to have a marathon mentality. Do marathon runners just wake up one day and run a marathon without training? No…they would not be able to finish for lack of conditioning. Likewise, the Lord is preparing you to run with perseverance the race He’s set before you” [Hebrews 12:2].
Her letter, written the same night, included that same verse about running with perseverance the race He’s set before us, and she also included this:
“You are making a difference here! You are! But you are taking down a huge giant here—AIDS—and that’s not going to happen overnight, it will be a marathon. But if you train with God and walk by faith, you will be unstoppable (Hebrews 11).”
Crazy cool, eh? I emailed her when she got back to ask if she remembered what she wrote in hers, and she responded:
“Oh and about your letter...ya i totally remember what i wrote...it was like the same as yours! i was freakin out on the plane when i was reading it. Jehovah Sneaky :P”
I had told her about “Jehovah Sneaky” and now I shall acquaint you as well. You see, there are different names given to God in the Old Testament, like Jehovah Rapha (The God who Heals), Jehovah Jireh (The God who Provides), Jehovah Nissi (The Lord is my Banner), etc…and “Jehovah Sneaky” is another name I like to call God when He does crazy cool, loving things you weren’t expecting :), i.e. the same day we read the letters, “Jehovah Sneaky” had also been at work prompting one of the Canadians to anonymously pay for my new car battery.
A couple nights later, I didn’t so much sleep…for a beautiful reason—the first All-Night Interdenominational Prayer Meeting here at the YFC office! At points there were upwards of 70 people praising and praying to God; 25 people stayed the whole time from 10pm - 6 am!! It was the kick-start of an interdenominational prayer movement that will meet here at YFC regularly. It is definitely a "God-thing"... one of the other YFC staff, Maruping, who just came on staff before I had to go back to the US for Dad’s funeral, organized it while I was in the States without my knowledge and without knowing that I had been journaling and praying about starting the same thing! Also, he felt we should continue the prayer movement on Sunday nights at the office...the same night and place I had journaled about! Meanwhile, the YFC director's wife said she felt the time is now for an interdenominational, intergenerational prayer movement here to unify the churches.
So we are excited about what the Lord is doing here! I helped lead worship for part of the All-Night of Prayer, but honestly I was not needed—local Batswana led worship for most of it and sang their hearts out to God. We spent several hours praising and worshipping God, heard preaching from a pastor followed by prayer for people, and then we all united in intercession. We prayed for the youth here, the political leaders, the church leaders that they would be kingdom-minded, for unity among the churches, for each other and our families, etc. Maruping even led a time of prayer for the Jewish people and the peace of Jerusalem. It was a beautiful and exciting time.
I had actually first found out about it on the preceding Sunday (the rough day that my clothes were stolen and I was sick) when I had attended a local church here in Mochudi with the Canadian short-term team. The church made an announcement in the service about an All-Night of Prayer to be held the upcoming Friday at Youth for Christ offices! It was to pave the way for creating a sustained prayer movement in this area.
The first of those Sunday night prayer meetings was last week (August 8), and we feel this is a prayer movement that should only stop when Jesus returns. We are praying for these meetings to gain momentum and bring unity to the Body of Christ here. One exciting thing to share about the first meeting was that two teenage girls had been walking by and felt drawn to come in…we found out afterwards that they weren’t yet followers of Christ, but they were seeking to know more and learn how they could follow Him! So while Maruping was talking to them afterwards and praying with them, another attendee asked what ministry things I’m doing lately so I told him about starting the abstinence club at the local high school. Turns out, he used to be a Face the Nation volunteer and worked in that school (as well as attended it himself in his teens). He is willing to help with the abstinence club and counseling of teens there!
That same guy stopped by yesterday to tell me that he talked with a teacher at another school where I help lead Scripture Union club, and shared that perhaps YFC can hold a training so the various club leaders at surrounding schools can all come and be equipped on how to lead their own peer-counseling and abstinence clubs. Wow…so that’s cool. Way to think strategically to reach the most youth – train and equip the student leaders from several schools! I honestly don’t know what exactly at this point we would share with them, but he also mentioned that there’s a research agency in town who would be willing to partner with us and possibly provide material and statistics!
The doors of opportunity keep flying open! I need discernment now to be sure I’m choosing the right things to get involved in so I don’t bite off more than I can chew. But that’s a great problem to have…and we just need to pray for God to raise up more volunteers and staff. The fields are ripe for the harvest, but the labourers are few. It is encouraging though to see this guy rising up with such eagerness and willingness to help. He also was one of the lead singers during the whole night of prayer.
Someone sent me a message the other day saying that she was going to pray “that God will send someone alongside you to help you with your work.” I read that yesterday, the day this guy brought up the idea of having trainings for club leaders and expressed his willingness to do whatever he can to help. Then today, Maruping told me that a guy walking past the office told him he wants to get involved—and he too used to be a Face the Nation volunteer! He’s going to stop by and talk to me soon! Amen!!
Tomorrow I am driving 5 hours to a YFC retreat center in Magaliesberg, South Africa with 3 YFC Botswana staff for a youth leader conference this weekend. We will return on Sunday. This will be my first long road trip in Africa, first time driving through a border post, and first time driving in South Africa. Interestingly enough, though, it will be my third time at this retreat center. It was where my mission trip to Botswana in 2004 started and ended! So I’m looking forward to being back there and reminiscing on the many things God taught me there and the journey that He has led me on since. Prayers for safe travels are most appreciated, and also for the Youth Week camp starting Monday for teenagers in a city adjoining the capital. I will give the message on Thursday night about the Holy Spirit and becoming more and more Christlike. Sweetness.
Ok I’m gonna go for a run. I saw a 4 foot lizard recently on a run down by the river! Creepy. Literally ;). Just now I heard rustling outside...a huge herd of goats was in the YFC office yard climbing up and eating leaves off our trees! Like a few days ago, I had to chase the goats out of the yard. Last time the goats were accompanied by 6 chickens too. That was a fun task 'herding' them out of the yard! You're welcome, people of Mochudi, for that spectacle!
Blessings,
Em
Thursday, August 5, 2010
God is faithful, even when life's hard
Hi there,
So it’s been an interesting journey since I last wrote…but I think overall, it has strengthened my faith and determination. I’ll share all this to testify to God’s faithfulness and to perhaps encourage you, as I’ve been encouraged. The same week that I found out about the death of Ken, my dad’s best friend in England, my car wouldn’t start, I got a nasty cold, and a whole load of my laundry was stolen from the clothesline in our yard while I was at ministry (but while other housemates were home)! With all that on top of the backdrop of Dad’s death, it was a bit overwhelming all at once!
The day my clothes were stolen and it was certain that my car battery was dead, I had to buy food to cook the evening meal for everyone. Normally, I would hop in my car, but since it was dead, I walked. As I walked into town, the emotion of everything kind of hit me and I had to fight back tears. I was looking toward the hills in town and started singing this song based on Psalm 121 that I haven’t heard in years—“I lift my eyes up, up to the mountains, where does my help come from? My help comes from You, Maker of heaven, Creator of the earth. Oh how I need You Lord, You are my only prayer, You’re my only hope…”
As I stood in the check-out line in the supermarket, my thoughts went back to everything that was going wrong and I was on the verge of tears. At that moment, I saw a little boy walk by me whose shirt read, “Don’t Quit” and the perfect timing of that just seemed like a little encouragement from God. Minutes later in the other supermarket, again I was on the verge of tears…and then what came to mind was “Indomitable spirit” and how God has really been encouraging me with that perhaps to prepare me for these current trials.
I’ll give a quick recap and share how it has come up here in Botswana too—Just after Dad’s funeral, my aunt read something and the word “indomitable” jumped out at me. I wasn’t totally sure of its meaning, but she confirmed my thought that it means unable to be beaten down or conquered even when lots of bad things come against you. The dictionary puts it, “Incapable of being overcome, subdued, or vanquished; unconquerable.”
I wrote to a friend: “We are indomitable through Christ! No matter what trials, suffering, temptations, evil darts of the enemy...deaths to loved ones, car accidents, health problems, etc...if we are in Christ, even those things cannot defeat us. And if we do die, as Dad did, we go to be with God FOREVER.” A week later as I was sitting in the airport, I happened to look up and read the shirt of a woman walking by—in all caps, it read: INDOMITABLE SPIRIT.
Then the night I arrived back in Botswana a week later, a friend leant me a book about David Livingstone, the famous missionary who pioneered the work in Botswana. I happened to read where it mentioned that after some fellow missionary workers died, and later his beloved wife, he kept going—“His indomitable spirit rose...Livingstone remained steadfast, immovable and resolved to continue his work for the Lord.” In 1873, he wrote, “Nothing earthly will make me give up my work in despair. I encourage myself in the Lord my God, and go forward.”
So back in the grocery store in Mochudi last week, on the verge of tears when one thing after another had been going wrong, I remembered the indomitable spirit. I didn’t feel so indomitable or “more than a conqueror” (Romans 8:37) right then…I felt weak and like I was losing… and when I got home, I did have a good cry. Actually it was one of the most “down” times I’ve felt in my life where I just kept crying (not normal for me, but probably needed as part of the grief process). I was wondering what was going on with one difficult thing after another…and I hate to say it, but I was even wondering how it fits that God is my protector when all this was happening. Why wasn’t He defending me or preventing this?
In the midst of my tears, I realized that one of my housemates had left a chocolate bar with a note of encouragement for me on my desk. Then right around then, through my tears, I heard the song playing on the living room stereo, “Fix You” by Coldplay. I had just shown a video clip with that song as the soundtrack at the YFC Coffee Bar outreach a few days earlier of the 400m race at the 1992 Olympics when Derek Redmond’s hamstring tore 250 m into the race, and yet he was determined to finish, hobbling painfully along the track. Then out of the crowd, a large man pushed his way onto the track and came to Derek’s side to help him finish. This man was his father. Derek was crying and leaning on his father as they finished the race together.
The analogy there is to the heavenly Father who helps us finish the race that is set before us when we are hurting or feel too weak to do it on our own. So when I heard “Fix You” in that moment, I pictured that Olympic race and the father coming to help (like the heavenly Father coming to help me run my race). I fell to my knees in just weak dependence on my strong Father, crying tears overwhelmed by everything but also overwhelmed by His loving care. I need you; I can’t run this race without you…thank you for helping me when I am weak. You can watch the video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yz05WW8abX0
A bit later, I realized that “indomitable” doesn’t mean that things are not coming against you, but that they can’t affect your spirit or stop you from doing what the Lord has called you to do. It’s an indomitable SPIRIT through Christ. John 16:33 came to mind—“In this world, you will have trials and tribulations, but take heart, for I have overcome the world.” The spirit of the One who overcame is in me to overcome trials today. I remembered one of the things Dad had said to me shortly before I left home, “God will never give you more than you can handle.” I didn’t think of it then, but now I am reminded of this quote I heard the week before I left for Botswana back in February:
"The same everlasting Father who cares for you today, will take care of you tomorrow, and every day. Either He will shield you from suffering, or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace then, and put aside all anxious thought and imaginations." - Francis de Sales
Now in retrospect, I can see that the Enemy was using this time to try to discourage me and get me to question God’s faithfulness and goodness, and whether God was for me or against me in all this. As I was preparing dinner, I just felt like the Lord whispered to my heart, “Em, I’m on your side,” and I replied “I know” as the tears welled up again…Tears for entertaining doubts for even a sliver of time that He wasn’t being faithful by allowing all this to happen…and tears from being assured yet again of His faithfulness and goodness. That night I also listened to a song I just put on my computer in the States but forgot how it went…some of the lyrics were these:
“Though weeping endures for the night, Your joy comes in the morning. Though sorrow may last for a time, Your joy comes in the morning. Faithful, You’re always faithful. True, You’re always true. You’ll never leave me. You’re always with me. You’re good; you’re good.”
Then I happened to read this excerpt from Come Away My Beloved, by Frances J Roberts, which fit perfectly:
You need have no fear. You need not fear the fickleness of providence—for behind whatever looks to you like utter chaos, I have a plan working for your good. You need never fear whether I will be faithful to you, for it I have never failed anyone else, why would I fail you? You have an innumerable company of spectators cheering you from the ramparts of heaven, reminding you of what I did for them, and encouraging you that the struggle is not interminable; surprisingly soon it shall end in victory for you also—if you endure faithfully.
Miracles burst forth out of the moist, cold soil of human tragedy. Moist with tears and cold with hopelessness.
The part about utter chaos reminded me of a poem I wrote in 2003 about how God can bring order out of the chaos:
If the sorrow of suffering and death stings oh so hard yet I embrace the One who conquered it, would I still despair?
If all goes to chaos and yet my Love brought life and order out of such, can I not trust that He can do it again?
That night what came to mind is that I should look up what I wrote in my journal on October 24, and I found this prayer from 10/24/08, when I first re-visited Mission Training International after the accident, which was perfect in its sentiments for my current situation!:
Father,
Oh, Lord, thank you so much for allowing me to come back here. Father, so much has happened since I last typed a prayer to you here. So much. And yet you have not changed. You are still worthy of my love, my all. You are still good. You are still faithful. What has happened in between these prayers has not lessened your love one degree; it has not made your goodness decline. No, you are always good. You are trustworthy. You are the same loving, merciful God who tenderly holds each of your children close to your heart. I don’t know how it all works…still…but I know that you are good. You never leave us. You never forsake us. You are faithful.
I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death, and what did I find? My Shepherd right there with me, holding me. Lord, you never let go. How can I not praise you? I love you. You are beautiful. Words fail me. I just love you. Lord, thank you for never leaving me and never leaving Jess, Karin, and Isaac, or Scott & Andrea either. The King of Love my Shepherd is, whose goodness faileth never; I nothing lack if Thou art mine, and I art Thine forever.
By the end of day that my clothes were stolen, I was greatly encouraged by the God who is with me and for me. I wrote this prayer, more like a triumphant declaration, that night:
You are King. You are Lord. You are my Father. You are for me, not against me. “And if our God is for us, than who could ever stop us? And if our God is with us, that what can stand against? Our God is greater; Our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other…”
You are faithful. You are good. You are greater than the one who is in this world. You are mighty in power. You are glorious. You are loving. You are perfect. You are in control. You are sovereign. You are my Defender. You are victorious. You are indomitable. You have given me an indomitable spirit…because the One who rose from the dead lives in me—the same spirit that rose Jesus Christ from the grave dwells inside me. Indomitable spirit. Yes bad stuff happens in this world—“You will have trials and tribulations, but take heart, for I have overcome the world.” You will renew my strength. You will restore me. You will make me rise above like a soaring eagle. You will make me rise from the ashes. You will work all things together for good. You will be glorified, even in these trials. You will bring beauty from the ashes. Your grace is sufficient. You are enough. You are the God of all comfort. You will never leave me nor forsake me. You will never fail me. You will never forget about me. You will never lose. It may appear sometimes that Satan and darkness have the upper hand, but into the darkness You shine and ultimately You reign victorious and will put all things in subjection under Your feet…Death will be defeated, swallowed up in victory. Satan will be cast down forever. You will make all things right. You will bring perfect justice. You will show Yourself victorious over all—higher and more worthy than any other. None can compare. Conquering Lion with the gentle meekness of the slain Lamb. Lion & the Lamb. Alpha & Omega. Infinite yet intimate. Powerful yet personal. Majestic yet meek. Consuming Fire with consuming Love. Holier than all yet humble servant of all. Strong yet sensitive. Beautiful beyond compare yet broken beyond recognition. Mighty Warrior & my Saviour. My Lord & my God. My Beloved. Furious with injustice, and fighting my Enemy; Furiously jealous for my heart, and fighting all contenders. Relentless in righteousness & relentless in tenderness.
Constant.
My Rock.
My Firm Foundation.
My Hope.
My Redeemer.
Forever.
Amen.
Tonight I echo the words of David Livingstone:
“Nothing earthly will make me give up my work in despair. I encourage myself in the Lord my God, and go forward...”
And the next day I did go forward by His grace…I knew that I had been planning to try the next day to secure the ability to lead an Abstinence Club at the Senior Secondary School here in Mochudi to help in the fight against AIDS and encourage teens toward Christ. Perhaps the enemy thought he could use all these trials to discourage me enough to distract me from that and other ministry here. But no—through connections I’ve made recently to meet the “right” people in the guidance/counseling department (including one who has a Masters degree in HIV/AIDS management and really wants to help), I was able to secure the go-ahead from the school to start a club there next term (after August vacation)! Apparently, YFC has never had a club there, so this was a great encouragement to all the staff! Our God is greater!
That night, I heard this in a teaching: “Every time before the Israelites would go to battle, the priests would stand up and say to the people: ‘Do not fear, do not waver—God your God, fights with you against your enemies.’ God never fights you…I don’t know what’s going on in your life right now, but God never fights you.”
I realized how much God has been helping ease the severity of it all – with both Dad and Ken, we knew they were strong in faith and even thinking eternal thoughts before their deaths. The stolen laundry could have been much worse…true I lost my favorite pair of pants and shorts, but overall, I lost mainly easily replaceable things (towel, white long-sleeved undershirts that I bought here, etc but none of my sweatshirts & only 2 T-shirts). And interestingly, I lost my warm socks that were needed in this Botswana winter, but I still had the wool socks a friend had just given me to bring back from the States. I also lost lots of undergarments (meaning someone, somewhere has my underwear…that is awkward, haha), but again, I had just brought new ones from the States.
And when my car battery died, I was in the capital in a packed parking lot, but right next to my car was a man just sitting in his truck. He had jumper cables, but unfortunately they wouldn’t reach between our batteries. He needed to park in front of my car, but those parking spots were taken (and who knows how long before those shoppers would return to their cars?!). But this man said he would wait with us. Then within 30 seconds, the people returned to the car directly in front of mine and drove away! So the man drove his truck around into that spot and jumped my battery so I could get home safely! Then one of the Canadian short-term volunteers anonymously paid for my new car battery!
The next day, when I was praying about what to share during the YFC staff prayer meeting devotional, Psalm 118 came to my mind. I looked it up to read:
“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; His love endures forever…The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me? The Lord is on my side as my helper; I shall look in triumph on my enemies.” (vv1, 6-7)
I have much more encouraging things to share about how God has been working here that week and since, but this has been long enough!
Love-in-Christ,
Em
So it’s been an interesting journey since I last wrote…but I think overall, it has strengthened my faith and determination. I’ll share all this to testify to God’s faithfulness and to perhaps encourage you, as I’ve been encouraged. The same week that I found out about the death of Ken, my dad’s best friend in England, my car wouldn’t start, I got a nasty cold, and a whole load of my laundry was stolen from the clothesline in our yard while I was at ministry (but while other housemates were home)! With all that on top of the backdrop of Dad’s death, it was a bit overwhelming all at once!
The day my clothes were stolen and it was certain that my car battery was dead, I had to buy food to cook the evening meal for everyone. Normally, I would hop in my car, but since it was dead, I walked. As I walked into town, the emotion of everything kind of hit me and I had to fight back tears. I was looking toward the hills in town and started singing this song based on Psalm 121 that I haven’t heard in years—“I lift my eyes up, up to the mountains, where does my help come from? My help comes from You, Maker of heaven, Creator of the earth. Oh how I need You Lord, You are my only prayer, You’re my only hope…”
As I stood in the check-out line in the supermarket, my thoughts went back to everything that was going wrong and I was on the verge of tears. At that moment, I saw a little boy walk by me whose shirt read, “Don’t Quit” and the perfect timing of that just seemed like a little encouragement from God. Minutes later in the other supermarket, again I was on the verge of tears…and then what came to mind was “Indomitable spirit” and how God has really been encouraging me with that perhaps to prepare me for these current trials.
I’ll give a quick recap and share how it has come up here in Botswana too—Just after Dad’s funeral, my aunt read something and the word “indomitable” jumped out at me. I wasn’t totally sure of its meaning, but she confirmed my thought that it means unable to be beaten down or conquered even when lots of bad things come against you. The dictionary puts it, “Incapable of being overcome, subdued, or vanquished; unconquerable.”
I wrote to a friend: “We are indomitable through Christ! No matter what trials, suffering, temptations, evil darts of the enemy...deaths to loved ones, car accidents, health problems, etc...if we are in Christ, even those things cannot defeat us. And if we do die, as Dad did, we go to be with God FOREVER.” A week later as I was sitting in the airport, I happened to look up and read the shirt of a woman walking by—in all caps, it read: INDOMITABLE SPIRIT.
Then the night I arrived back in Botswana a week later, a friend leant me a book about David Livingstone, the famous missionary who pioneered the work in Botswana. I happened to read where it mentioned that after some fellow missionary workers died, and later his beloved wife, he kept going—“His indomitable spirit rose...Livingstone remained steadfast, immovable and resolved to continue his work for the Lord.” In 1873, he wrote, “Nothing earthly will make me give up my work in despair. I encourage myself in the Lord my God, and go forward.”
So back in the grocery store in Mochudi last week, on the verge of tears when one thing after another had been going wrong, I remembered the indomitable spirit. I didn’t feel so indomitable or “more than a conqueror” (Romans 8:37) right then…I felt weak and like I was losing… and when I got home, I did have a good cry. Actually it was one of the most “down” times I’ve felt in my life where I just kept crying (not normal for me, but probably needed as part of the grief process). I was wondering what was going on with one difficult thing after another…and I hate to say it, but I was even wondering how it fits that God is my protector when all this was happening. Why wasn’t He defending me or preventing this?
In the midst of my tears, I realized that one of my housemates had left a chocolate bar with a note of encouragement for me on my desk. Then right around then, through my tears, I heard the song playing on the living room stereo, “Fix You” by Coldplay. I had just shown a video clip with that song as the soundtrack at the YFC Coffee Bar outreach a few days earlier of the 400m race at the 1992 Olympics when Derek Redmond’s hamstring tore 250 m into the race, and yet he was determined to finish, hobbling painfully along the track. Then out of the crowd, a large man pushed his way onto the track and came to Derek’s side to help him finish. This man was his father. Derek was crying and leaning on his father as they finished the race together.
The analogy there is to the heavenly Father who helps us finish the race that is set before us when we are hurting or feel too weak to do it on our own. So when I heard “Fix You” in that moment, I pictured that Olympic race and the father coming to help (like the heavenly Father coming to help me run my race). I fell to my knees in just weak dependence on my strong Father, crying tears overwhelmed by everything but also overwhelmed by His loving care. I need you; I can’t run this race without you…thank you for helping me when I am weak. You can watch the video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yz05WW8abX0
A bit later, I realized that “indomitable” doesn’t mean that things are not coming against you, but that they can’t affect your spirit or stop you from doing what the Lord has called you to do. It’s an indomitable SPIRIT through Christ. John 16:33 came to mind—“In this world, you will have trials and tribulations, but take heart, for I have overcome the world.” The spirit of the One who overcame is in me to overcome trials today. I remembered one of the things Dad had said to me shortly before I left home, “God will never give you more than you can handle.” I didn’t think of it then, but now I am reminded of this quote I heard the week before I left for Botswana back in February:
"The same everlasting Father who cares for you today, will take care of you tomorrow, and every day. Either He will shield you from suffering, or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace then, and put aside all anxious thought and imaginations." - Francis de Sales
Now in retrospect, I can see that the Enemy was using this time to try to discourage me and get me to question God’s faithfulness and goodness, and whether God was for me or against me in all this. As I was preparing dinner, I just felt like the Lord whispered to my heart, “Em, I’m on your side,” and I replied “I know” as the tears welled up again…Tears for entertaining doubts for even a sliver of time that He wasn’t being faithful by allowing all this to happen…and tears from being assured yet again of His faithfulness and goodness. That night I also listened to a song I just put on my computer in the States but forgot how it went…some of the lyrics were these:
“Though weeping endures for the night, Your joy comes in the morning. Though sorrow may last for a time, Your joy comes in the morning. Faithful, You’re always faithful. True, You’re always true. You’ll never leave me. You’re always with me. You’re good; you’re good.”
Then I happened to read this excerpt from Come Away My Beloved, by Frances J Roberts, which fit perfectly:
You need have no fear. You need not fear the fickleness of providence—for behind whatever looks to you like utter chaos, I have a plan working for your good. You need never fear whether I will be faithful to you, for it I have never failed anyone else, why would I fail you? You have an innumerable company of spectators cheering you from the ramparts of heaven, reminding you of what I did for them, and encouraging you that the struggle is not interminable; surprisingly soon it shall end in victory for you also—if you endure faithfully.
Miracles burst forth out of the moist, cold soil of human tragedy. Moist with tears and cold with hopelessness.
The part about utter chaos reminded me of a poem I wrote in 2003 about how God can bring order out of the chaos:
If the sorrow of suffering and death stings oh so hard yet I embrace the One who conquered it, would I still despair?
If all goes to chaos and yet my Love brought life and order out of such, can I not trust that He can do it again?
That night what came to mind is that I should look up what I wrote in my journal on October 24, and I found this prayer from 10/24/08, when I first re-visited Mission Training International after the accident, which was perfect in its sentiments for my current situation!:
Father,
Oh, Lord, thank you so much for allowing me to come back here. Father, so much has happened since I last typed a prayer to you here. So much. And yet you have not changed. You are still worthy of my love, my all. You are still good. You are still faithful. What has happened in between these prayers has not lessened your love one degree; it has not made your goodness decline. No, you are always good. You are trustworthy. You are the same loving, merciful God who tenderly holds each of your children close to your heart. I don’t know how it all works…still…but I know that you are good. You never leave us. You never forsake us. You are faithful.
I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death, and what did I find? My Shepherd right there with me, holding me. Lord, you never let go. How can I not praise you? I love you. You are beautiful. Words fail me. I just love you. Lord, thank you for never leaving me and never leaving Jess, Karin, and Isaac, or Scott & Andrea either. The King of Love my Shepherd is, whose goodness faileth never; I nothing lack if Thou art mine, and I art Thine forever.
By the end of day that my clothes were stolen, I was greatly encouraged by the God who is with me and for me. I wrote this prayer, more like a triumphant declaration, that night:
You are King. You are Lord. You are my Father. You are for me, not against me. “And if our God is for us, than who could ever stop us? And if our God is with us, that what can stand against? Our God is greater; Our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other…”
You are faithful. You are good. You are greater than the one who is in this world. You are mighty in power. You are glorious. You are loving. You are perfect. You are in control. You are sovereign. You are my Defender. You are victorious. You are indomitable. You have given me an indomitable spirit…because the One who rose from the dead lives in me—the same spirit that rose Jesus Christ from the grave dwells inside me. Indomitable spirit. Yes bad stuff happens in this world—“You will have trials and tribulations, but take heart, for I have overcome the world.” You will renew my strength. You will restore me. You will make me rise above like a soaring eagle. You will make me rise from the ashes. You will work all things together for good. You will be glorified, even in these trials. You will bring beauty from the ashes. Your grace is sufficient. You are enough. You are the God of all comfort. You will never leave me nor forsake me. You will never fail me. You will never forget about me. You will never lose. It may appear sometimes that Satan and darkness have the upper hand, but into the darkness You shine and ultimately You reign victorious and will put all things in subjection under Your feet…Death will be defeated, swallowed up in victory. Satan will be cast down forever. You will make all things right. You will bring perfect justice. You will show Yourself victorious over all—higher and more worthy than any other. None can compare. Conquering Lion with the gentle meekness of the slain Lamb. Lion & the Lamb. Alpha & Omega. Infinite yet intimate. Powerful yet personal. Majestic yet meek. Consuming Fire with consuming Love. Holier than all yet humble servant of all. Strong yet sensitive. Beautiful beyond compare yet broken beyond recognition. Mighty Warrior & my Saviour. My Lord & my God. My Beloved. Furious with injustice, and fighting my Enemy; Furiously jealous for my heart, and fighting all contenders. Relentless in righteousness & relentless in tenderness.
Constant.
My Rock.
My Firm Foundation.
My Hope.
My Redeemer.
Forever.
Amen.
Tonight I echo the words of David Livingstone:
“Nothing earthly will make me give up my work in despair. I encourage myself in the Lord my God, and go forward...”
And the next day I did go forward by His grace…I knew that I had been planning to try the next day to secure the ability to lead an Abstinence Club at the Senior Secondary School here in Mochudi to help in the fight against AIDS and encourage teens toward Christ. Perhaps the enemy thought he could use all these trials to discourage me enough to distract me from that and other ministry here. But no—through connections I’ve made recently to meet the “right” people in the guidance/counseling department (including one who has a Masters degree in HIV/AIDS management and really wants to help), I was able to secure the go-ahead from the school to start a club there next term (after August vacation)! Apparently, YFC has never had a club there, so this was a great encouragement to all the staff! Our God is greater!
That night, I heard this in a teaching: “Every time before the Israelites would go to battle, the priests would stand up and say to the people: ‘Do not fear, do not waver—God your God, fights with you against your enemies.’ God never fights you…I don’t know what’s going on in your life right now, but God never fights you.”
I realized how much God has been helping ease the severity of it all – with both Dad and Ken, we knew they were strong in faith and even thinking eternal thoughts before their deaths. The stolen laundry could have been much worse…true I lost my favorite pair of pants and shorts, but overall, I lost mainly easily replaceable things (towel, white long-sleeved undershirts that I bought here, etc but none of my sweatshirts & only 2 T-shirts). And interestingly, I lost my warm socks that were needed in this Botswana winter, but I still had the wool socks a friend had just given me to bring back from the States. I also lost lots of undergarments (meaning someone, somewhere has my underwear…that is awkward, haha), but again, I had just brought new ones from the States.
And when my car battery died, I was in the capital in a packed parking lot, but right next to my car was a man just sitting in his truck. He had jumper cables, but unfortunately they wouldn’t reach between our batteries. He needed to park in front of my car, but those parking spots were taken (and who knows how long before those shoppers would return to their cars?!). But this man said he would wait with us. Then within 30 seconds, the people returned to the car directly in front of mine and drove away! So the man drove his truck around into that spot and jumped my battery so I could get home safely! Then one of the Canadian short-term volunteers anonymously paid for my new car battery!
The next day, when I was praying about what to share during the YFC staff prayer meeting devotional, Psalm 118 came to my mind. I looked it up to read:
“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; His love endures forever…The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me? The Lord is on my side as my helper; I shall look in triumph on my enemies.” (vv1, 6-7)
I have much more encouraging things to share about how God has been working here that week and since, but this has been long enough!
Love-in-Christ,
Em
Saturday, July 24, 2010
More Sadness...and More Goodness
Greetings all,
Well it hasn’t been the easiest week, but there have been some great times. I found out Monday night that my dad’s best friend from England, Ken, passed away from cancer. They were best mates growing up together and graduated together. He was one of the groomsmen in my parents’ wedding. We’ve kept in touch and stayed with them for a visit every time we have visited England as a family, and they came and stayed with us in the States for weeks at a time. He was an English policeman, a bobbie, until he recently retired. He gave me his old bobbie helmet when they got a new design, as well as police patches and clip-on tie, badge, etc…when I was a little girl. I included a picture of me wearing one of the police badges and clip-on police ties he gave me. So I was a bobbie for Halloween as a kid. Ken was like an uncle to me.
He didn’t know he had cancer until June 10, which was the day that dad died (in the England timezone)…and when they discovered it, the cancer had already spread to many parts of his body so it was too late to medically stop it. Then, just under 40 days later, he passed away.
We are of course, very thankful and comforted knowing that, as his wife Glenda put it, “Ken found God” a few years back. He had written me a few letters in the last couple years, sharing about how he had come to faith in Jesus Christ and was really growing in his faith. He would also sometimes call me on my cell phone just to talk. We talked at Christmas time.
I received a letter from Ken here in Botswana in early April in which he was so pleased to hear how things were going here. “God be praised!” he’d exclaimed in true British fashion :). He told me they were really getting involved in their church and in mission work. Not only have they been supporting my mission work, but they have been supporting a school in Ghana and helping to provide motorcycles for teachers/pastors. Ken was planning to go on a mission trip there to teach them how to ride the motorcycles. In the letter, he also included pictures of himself, his wife, sons, and grandkids. I am now especially thankful to have those.
Just minutes after Mom had told me the news on the phone, I realized that now dad and Ken were together again in heaven. This came to mind: “the old boys are reunited again…forever!” I pictured how great it must have been for dad to be part of the welcoming party for Ken.
In a few emails I sent out the next day, I used that same terminology – that the old boys were back together again. One of those emails was to mom, and she wrote back asking if I knew that the school where dad and Ken had attended and graduated from called themselves The Old Boys…and when they have reunions they call them The Old Boys Reunions! Nope…I didn’t know that, but pretty cool that I had thought that, eh?
The next day, Tuesday, the reality and emotions of it finally caught up with me, I think compounding with dad’s death, so the tears came and I had a ‘good’ cry here at the office. Thankfully there are many people around me here who are supportive. I’ve been doing a lot better since then, but prayers are still appreciated—especially for his wife and family, and for mom, Ryan, and me (and other family friends who miss him). I’ve learned that grief comes and goes in waves.
Jesus said, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die.”—John 11:25-26. Dad and Ken just had a setting change in their story…from living on earth to living in heaven…and they are LOVING it!
“If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s.” –Romans 14:8
Alright, so on to the more positive things of the last week. As I mentioned last time, we have a team of 23 short-termer volunteers here from YFC Canada. Last Thursday, I drove 6 of them to a school to help lead the Scripture Union club there. It is not a school where I’ve worked before, but they needed me to drive them so I went and led worship with guitar. Maruping, the YFC staff guy who works there regularly, said they usually have about 15-20 students who come to the club. I think the handful of white people (makgua) was intriguing because we had about 85 students cram into the classroom for our hour-long club, at some points upwards of 100!! It was the biggest turn-out ever at that school! For the teaching portion, we acted out the story of Daniel 3 (the three Hebrew young men who were thrown into the fiery furnace instead of bowing down to an idol, and then they were not burned at all).
This week the schools have vacation, which means we provide holiday programmes for the youth. So in the morning all this week, we invited the Scripture Union club members to come to the office every morning from 10 am – 12:30 pm for singing, teaching, small groups, crafts, and games. The Canadians essentially ran this with our guidance. I still led the worship with guitar, but that was my only official role. We also ran a Kids Club simultaneously for elementary-aged kids, so Canadians led worship with them. It was great to get to spend much more quality time with some of the students at the school where I help lead Scripture Union. Several students started or deepened their personal relationship with Christ this week! It was exciting to be a part of that and to have the opportunity (that the Canadians don’t) to continue on with these youth in the weeks and months ahead and help disciple and encourage them.
Last Saturday, then Monday through Thursday nights, we opened up the Coffee Bar drop-in centre for the youth of Mochudi from 7-10pm. As usual, each night we take about 10 minutes to share something meaningful with the youth. Most of the nights, the Canadian team has shared some dramas. This often served as a springboard for youth to talk to us afterwards and ask questions. I spent the remaining time (1.25 hours) Wednesday night talking with two twin brothers about spiritual things. These are the same two that asked me questions for a few hours a couple months ago. They brought their bibles Thursday night and right away started talking to me again…they didn’t even want to play the games/sports. So we talked for a couple hours again, and they told me to have a Bible passage ready to talk to them tonight when we’ll have Coffee Bar again! So that’s an encouragement, and I’m now praying that God will guide me in which passage to discuss with them and will keep revealing truth to their hearts.
Another exciting thing is that I was able to meet the guidance/counseling staff member at the Senior Secondary School here in Mochudi, where the Face the Nation (AIDS Prevention Programme of my church) volunteers just finished teaching their 5-week abstinence curriculum. I was able to reunite with the three Face the Nation volunteers for whom I was a prayer partner, and we all held hands and prayed with this guidance/counseling teacher to end out their time at the school. The guidance/counseling teacher is the entry point into a school, so it was great to have met her, prayed with her, and exchanged contact info last Friday. I will be in touch with her next week about leading a follow-up club at the school with True Love Waits curriculum that I was briefly trained in just before I left for the States. I’m not sure whether to create a new club, like an abstinence club or True Love Waits club, for the hundreds of students who committed to abstinence before marriage…or if I should just team up with the Scripture Union club and teach the curriculum in that setting…or both. There were well over a hundred students who made commitments to follow Christ as well and it would be great to follow them up.
YFC has not worked with a club in that school in recent memory, so it’s something for which I would appreciate prayer, that God would give wisdom and guidance in how to proceed and have ongoing ministry in that school. It is the only Senior Secondary School in the whole large geographical district called Kgatleng; thus, many of the students are boarders living onsite. There is such a great need to reach and support these students, many of whom have troubling issues going on in their lives.
So I am grateful for all the opportunities that have arisen and the ministry that has gone on in this last week. I have been typing up the tribute of memories of my dad, and will share that soon, as well as more emails and witty writings of his.
Blessings,
Em
P.S. “In the end, everything will be all right. Nothing can harm you permanently; no loss is lasting, no defeat more than transitory, no disappointment is conclusive. Suffering, failure, loneliness, sorrow, discouragement, and death will be part of your journey, but the kingdom of God will conquer all these horrors.” –Brennan Manning
Well it hasn’t been the easiest week, but there have been some great times. I found out Monday night that my dad’s best friend from England, Ken, passed away from cancer. They were best mates growing up together and graduated together. He was one of the groomsmen in my parents’ wedding. We’ve kept in touch and stayed with them for a visit every time we have visited England as a family, and they came and stayed with us in the States for weeks at a time. He was an English policeman, a bobbie, until he recently retired. He gave me his old bobbie helmet when they got a new design, as well as police patches and clip-on tie, badge, etc…when I was a little girl. I included a picture of me wearing one of the police badges and clip-on police ties he gave me. So I was a bobbie for Halloween as a kid. Ken was like an uncle to me.
He didn’t know he had cancer until June 10, which was the day that dad died (in the England timezone)…and when they discovered it, the cancer had already spread to many parts of his body so it was too late to medically stop it. Then, just under 40 days later, he passed away.
We are of course, very thankful and comforted knowing that, as his wife Glenda put it, “Ken found God” a few years back. He had written me a few letters in the last couple years, sharing about how he had come to faith in Jesus Christ and was really growing in his faith. He would also sometimes call me on my cell phone just to talk. We talked at Christmas time.
I received a letter from Ken here in Botswana in early April in which he was so pleased to hear how things were going here. “God be praised!” he’d exclaimed in true British fashion :). He told me they were really getting involved in their church and in mission work. Not only have they been supporting my mission work, but they have been supporting a school in Ghana and helping to provide motorcycles for teachers/pastors. Ken was planning to go on a mission trip there to teach them how to ride the motorcycles. In the letter, he also included pictures of himself, his wife, sons, and grandkids. I am now especially thankful to have those.
Just minutes after Mom had told me the news on the phone, I realized that now dad and Ken were together again in heaven. This came to mind: “the old boys are reunited again…forever!” I pictured how great it must have been for dad to be part of the welcoming party for Ken.
In a few emails I sent out the next day, I used that same terminology – that the old boys were back together again. One of those emails was to mom, and she wrote back asking if I knew that the school where dad and Ken had attended and graduated from called themselves The Old Boys…and when they have reunions they call them The Old Boys Reunions! Nope…I didn’t know that, but pretty cool that I had thought that, eh?
The next day, Tuesday, the reality and emotions of it finally caught up with me, I think compounding with dad’s death, so the tears came and I had a ‘good’ cry here at the office. Thankfully there are many people around me here who are supportive. I’ve been doing a lot better since then, but prayers are still appreciated—especially for his wife and family, and for mom, Ryan, and me (and other family friends who miss him). I’ve learned that grief comes and goes in waves.
Jesus said, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die.”—John 11:25-26. Dad and Ken just had a setting change in their story…from living on earth to living in heaven…and they are LOVING it!
“If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s.” –Romans 14:8
Alright, so on to the more positive things of the last week. As I mentioned last time, we have a team of 23 short-termer volunteers here from YFC Canada. Last Thursday, I drove 6 of them to a school to help lead the Scripture Union club there. It is not a school where I’ve worked before, but they needed me to drive them so I went and led worship with guitar. Maruping, the YFC staff guy who works there regularly, said they usually have about 15-20 students who come to the club. I think the handful of white people (makgua) was intriguing because we had about 85 students cram into the classroom for our hour-long club, at some points upwards of 100!! It was the biggest turn-out ever at that school! For the teaching portion, we acted out the story of Daniel 3 (the three Hebrew young men who were thrown into the fiery furnace instead of bowing down to an idol, and then they were not burned at all).
This week the schools have vacation, which means we provide holiday programmes for the youth. So in the morning all this week, we invited the Scripture Union club members to come to the office every morning from 10 am – 12:30 pm for singing, teaching, small groups, crafts, and games. The Canadians essentially ran this with our guidance. I still led the worship with guitar, but that was my only official role. We also ran a Kids Club simultaneously for elementary-aged kids, so Canadians led worship with them. It was great to get to spend much more quality time with some of the students at the school where I help lead Scripture Union. Several students started or deepened their personal relationship with Christ this week! It was exciting to be a part of that and to have the opportunity (that the Canadians don’t) to continue on with these youth in the weeks and months ahead and help disciple and encourage them.
Last Saturday, then Monday through Thursday nights, we opened up the Coffee Bar drop-in centre for the youth of Mochudi from 7-10pm. As usual, each night we take about 10 minutes to share something meaningful with the youth. Most of the nights, the Canadian team has shared some dramas. This often served as a springboard for youth to talk to us afterwards and ask questions. I spent the remaining time (1.25 hours) Wednesday night talking with two twin brothers about spiritual things. These are the same two that asked me questions for a few hours a couple months ago. They brought their bibles Thursday night and right away started talking to me again…they didn’t even want to play the games/sports. So we talked for a couple hours again, and they told me to have a Bible passage ready to talk to them tonight when we’ll have Coffee Bar again! So that’s an encouragement, and I’m now praying that God will guide me in which passage to discuss with them and will keep revealing truth to their hearts.
Another exciting thing is that I was able to meet the guidance/counseling staff member at the Senior Secondary School here in Mochudi, where the Face the Nation (AIDS Prevention Programme of my church) volunteers just finished teaching their 5-week abstinence curriculum. I was able to reunite with the three Face the Nation volunteers for whom I was a prayer partner, and we all held hands and prayed with this guidance/counseling teacher to end out their time at the school. The guidance/counseling teacher is the entry point into a school, so it was great to have met her, prayed with her, and exchanged contact info last Friday. I will be in touch with her next week about leading a follow-up club at the school with True Love Waits curriculum that I was briefly trained in just before I left for the States. I’m not sure whether to create a new club, like an abstinence club or True Love Waits club, for the hundreds of students who committed to abstinence before marriage…or if I should just team up with the Scripture Union club and teach the curriculum in that setting…or both. There were well over a hundred students who made commitments to follow Christ as well and it would be great to follow them up.
YFC has not worked with a club in that school in recent memory, so it’s something for which I would appreciate prayer, that God would give wisdom and guidance in how to proceed and have ongoing ministry in that school. It is the only Senior Secondary School in the whole large geographical district called Kgatleng; thus, many of the students are boarders living onsite. There is such a great need to reach and support these students, many of whom have troubling issues going on in their lives.
So I am grateful for all the opportunities that have arisen and the ministry that has gone on in this last week. I have been typing up the tribute of memories of my dad, and will share that soon, as well as more emails and witty writings of his.
Blessings,
Em
P.S. “In the end, everything will be all right. Nothing can harm you permanently; no loss is lasting, no defeat more than transitory, no disappointment is conclusive. Suffering, failure, loneliness, sorrow, discouragement, and death will be part of your journey, but the kingdom of God will conquer all these horrors.” –Brennan Manning
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Back in Botswana!
Dumelang!!
I am back in the YFC office in Botswana…with wool socks on, a hood over my head, and slightly numb appendages. It is winter here. Last night, even with the down comforter I brought from the States and two other blankets, my feet were quite cold in their wool socks! Ludicrous! Nothing like going from crazy hot weather in Michigan to freezing temperatures in Botswana. Houses here typically don’t have heat, nor insulation…and our house is typical…so it is in the 30s Fahrenheit in our house at night. Going from summer to winter was also a unique experience on the plane—after I slept for close to 10 hours straight (once again, I attribute this skill to all the experience of chair-sleeping after my accident!), I opened up the window shade to see the light of day only to see the sun…setting! Within minutes, the sun had set. So that was the shortest day in recent memory!
On the first flight from Flint, MI to Atlanta, I happened to sit next to a kind woman who was reading about Sudan in order to teach a missions course at her church. So we talked for awhile and I got to share a lot of my testimony with her, and she said she would pray for me daily and wants to keep updated with my newsletters. On the Atlanta – Johannesburg flight, I happened to talk to the man sitting front of me, and found out he lives in Windsor, Ontario but works in Port Huron, where I was just at home with Mom!
Before that in Atlanta during my layover, I reunited with Cindy & Kjel, the mom and step-dad of Jessica, who passed away in the accident. It was great to see them again. I shared in an entry on here (February 12 this year if you want to read the details) that God has really brought us tightly together as we journey through this. For a quick re-cap, when I first visited in October ’08 the stone memorial our fellow missionary friends built up behind Mission Training International (MTI) in the days after the accident, I placed my own stone on top and took some time to say goodbye to each of the three that passed away. When I was ‘talking’ to Jessica, I thought about how her mom Cindy and I have gotten so close through all this, emailing back and forth sometimes a few times a week. So I said to Jess, “I’m helping to take care of your mom,” and immediately after I said that, I pictured Jesus on the cross looking down at his mother Mary and John the beloved disciple, and Jesus saying, “Woman, behold your son” and “Son, behold your mother.”
I had never once thought of that scripture passage in relation to Cindy, Jess, and me and at first was like, ‘Whoa?!...I can never replace Jess!?!” but what came to mind was that Jesus knew that John wouldn’t replace him, and that Mary wouldn’t replace John’s mother, but that they would care for each other in that additional role like a mother-son relationship. And so it just felt like Jess and God were both pleased with how Cindy and I had been helping each other through this.
It turns out that the very same week, that same passage of scripture with Jesus, Mary, and John came to Cindy’s mind for the first time in connection with our relationship, and she had shared that with her counselor and how she feels I am like a daughter to her! And then the week I was just in Minnesota, I was driving in traffic July 4 and saw the bumper sticker on the car in front of me: “Woman, behold your son” ?!!! Who puts that on their car?!!
Then the next day, I received an email from a Bethany student who added a scripture reference at the end of her email – John 19:25-27. I looked it up to see that it is the same Jesus, Mary, and John passage—“Woman, behold your son…Son, behold your mother”!! This friend did not know the significance of those verses to me and Cindy, so I was puzzled why she would put those verses on her email. I emailed and asked her why she chose those verses, and she replied that she had meant to put Job 19:25-27 but somehow had put John instead! After seeing the “Woman, behold your son” bumper sticker the day before and knowing the significance of those verses to Cindy and me, I somehow don’t think that was an accident in God’s eyes. And the message of Job 19:25-27 is a beautiful counterpart:
“I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; I myself will see him with my own eyes—I, and not another. How my heart yearns within me!”
The next time I visited the stone memorial at MTI was in May 2009 while I was in CO for a YFC retreat. That time, I saw that there were all these tiny blue and purple wild flowers growing up around the memorial stones. Here is what I journaled that day: “I thought it was just a beautiful picture of what God has been speaking a lot lately, that He is at work to bring beauty from the ashes of our tragedy…to bring something beautiful out of something so painful…to bring triumph out of tragedy.”
I felt led to pick a handful of the wildflowers and press them to send to the family members. So I pressed them and later decided to laminate them into bookmarks and have since sent them to Scott and Andrea, Andrea’s parents, Scott’s parents, and Cindy & Kjel, and Jessica’s father John.
After Cindy got the bookmark in the mail, she told me that Jess used to press flowers and laminate bookmarks of them too!! Cindy wrote:
“For Thanksgiving 2000, Jess pressed these beautiful flowers and put them in a bookmark with the verse from Isaiah 66:13 that says, "I will comfort you as a mother comforts her child," and she wrote, "Thank you for making it so easy for me to see God as a mother." I have treasured that bookmark even more since she went to Heaven and use it to mark my place in whatever current devotional book I am using in the mornings, and now I will have your sweet, special bookmark to use to mark my place in my Bible. I had actually been thinking of buying another bookmark to use to mark my Bible spot, so yours will now be that special bookmark. Taking the time to press the flowers, make the bookmark, and send it to me was one of the sweetest things you could have ever done.”
Wow…after that email I realized that the fact that I felt led to pick, press, laminate, and mail off that bookmark to Cindy and Kjel was just another way that God is comforting her heart (and the other families’). I have never once pressed and laminated flowers, or even thought to do that!
The other day in Atlanta, Cindy got teary-eyed recounting how she still treasures that MTI memorial flower bookmark, and how much that and our friendship has meant to her. When they sent me off from the airport, she gave me a long embrace with tears in her eyes. And so yet again, I was sent off from the U.S. by Cindy & Kjel.
This time I was welcomed and embraced on the other side of the Atlantic by the other parents who lost a daughter in the accident – the parents of Karin. They live just a handful of kilometers from the Johannesburg airport, and I had a 23-hour layover. So I had emailed them to let them know I was passing through again (they had wanted to see me last time but it didn’t work out), and they eagerly offered their hospitality. I had never met them before, and so it was a true blessing. I was able to share pictures with them (they had never seen pictures of Jessica or Scott & Andrea), and to share stories with them about my healing recovery and the statement I read in court to the man who hit us. They have been praying for him as well.
When I showed them pictures of the stone memorial behind MTI, they were really touched to see the wildflowers growing up around it. They asked if they could have that picture with the wildflowers, so I saved it to their computer. Karin’s mother said that they still view that stone memorial (and the service that preceded its creation) as the real memorial, since it was the first one. They were so thankful to have received a DVD of the memorial service.
I was excited because, unbeknownst to them, I had saved one last pressed flower bookmark of those wildflowers to hopefully give to them one day. I didn’t tell them at that point that I had pressed, laminated, and sent those flowers out…I would write it to them in a card I brought along for that purpose and give it to them the next day.
So that night, I wrote out the card, explaining how now everyone who lost a child has one of those special flowers…in Cambodia, California, Georgia, and now South Africa. I shared how I knew now that it was definitely the Lord that led me to do it because I’ve seen how much it has meant to everyone, and since Karin’s parents had been so touched by the picture of the wildflowers, I could anticipate how precious a gift the flower bookmark would be for them as well.
I ended up giving them the card and the flower bookmark yesterday as we parted ways at the airport as I got ready to board the plane for Botswana. When I explained that the bookmark was one of the wildflowers from the stone memorial, Karin’s mother got tears in her eyes and hugged and kissed me, whispering “God bless you” in my ear.
So all in all, it was a beautiful journey back to Botswana. It was such a blessing to get to see both these families and to have more of a sense of closure by being able to finally meet Karin’s parents and give them the flower bookmark. I will also let them know that I put a picture on their computer of the exact purple flower in their bookmark by itself back when it was freshly picked at MTI.
Sometime I hope to share the many ways God has been encouraging me as I begin ministry again in Botswana after losing dad. And I am still working on some entries that share more memories of dad. By the way, if anyone has any particular memories of dad that they would like to share, it’s always fun and comforting to hear. So feel free to write in the guestbook or shoot me an email. They might even feature in my memory-tribute I’ve been working on.
Now I’m off to drive a Canadian to a building supply company. There are 23 Canadians from SW Ontario (neighbors to us in Port Huron) who are here serving on a 2-week mission trip with YFC Project Serve. They are staying here at the office…so it’s kind of a zoo…or a beehive with a hum of activity everywhere. This afternoon, I’ll help lead worship with them in a school in Mochudi. Good times.
Blessings from Botswana again!
~Em
I am back in the YFC office in Botswana…with wool socks on, a hood over my head, and slightly numb appendages. It is winter here. Last night, even with the down comforter I brought from the States and two other blankets, my feet were quite cold in their wool socks! Ludicrous! Nothing like going from crazy hot weather in Michigan to freezing temperatures in Botswana. Houses here typically don’t have heat, nor insulation…and our house is typical…so it is in the 30s Fahrenheit in our house at night. Going from summer to winter was also a unique experience on the plane—after I slept for close to 10 hours straight (once again, I attribute this skill to all the experience of chair-sleeping after my accident!), I opened up the window shade to see the light of day only to see the sun…setting! Within minutes, the sun had set. So that was the shortest day in recent memory!
On the first flight from Flint, MI to Atlanta, I happened to sit next to a kind woman who was reading about Sudan in order to teach a missions course at her church. So we talked for awhile and I got to share a lot of my testimony with her, and she said she would pray for me daily and wants to keep updated with my newsletters. On the Atlanta – Johannesburg flight, I happened to talk to the man sitting front of me, and found out he lives in Windsor, Ontario but works in Port Huron, where I was just at home with Mom!
Before that in Atlanta during my layover, I reunited with Cindy & Kjel, the mom and step-dad of Jessica, who passed away in the accident. It was great to see them again. I shared in an entry on here (February 12 this year if you want to read the details) that God has really brought us tightly together as we journey through this. For a quick re-cap, when I first visited in October ’08 the stone memorial our fellow missionary friends built up behind Mission Training International (MTI) in the days after the accident, I placed my own stone on top and took some time to say goodbye to each of the three that passed away. When I was ‘talking’ to Jessica, I thought about how her mom Cindy and I have gotten so close through all this, emailing back and forth sometimes a few times a week. So I said to Jess, “I’m helping to take care of your mom,” and immediately after I said that, I pictured Jesus on the cross looking down at his mother Mary and John the beloved disciple, and Jesus saying, “Woman, behold your son” and “Son, behold your mother.”
I had never once thought of that scripture passage in relation to Cindy, Jess, and me and at first was like, ‘Whoa?!...I can never replace Jess!?!” but what came to mind was that Jesus knew that John wouldn’t replace him, and that Mary wouldn’t replace John’s mother, but that they would care for each other in that additional role like a mother-son relationship. And so it just felt like Jess and God were both pleased with how Cindy and I had been helping each other through this.
It turns out that the very same week, that same passage of scripture with Jesus, Mary, and John came to Cindy’s mind for the first time in connection with our relationship, and she had shared that with her counselor and how she feels I am like a daughter to her! And then the week I was just in Minnesota, I was driving in traffic July 4 and saw the bumper sticker on the car in front of me: “Woman, behold your son” ?!!! Who puts that on their car?!!
Then the next day, I received an email from a Bethany student who added a scripture reference at the end of her email – John 19:25-27. I looked it up to see that it is the same Jesus, Mary, and John passage—“Woman, behold your son…Son, behold your mother”!! This friend did not know the significance of those verses to me and Cindy, so I was puzzled why she would put those verses on her email. I emailed and asked her why she chose those verses, and she replied that she had meant to put Job 19:25-27 but somehow had put John instead! After seeing the “Woman, behold your son” bumper sticker the day before and knowing the significance of those verses to Cindy and me, I somehow don’t think that was an accident in God’s eyes. And the message of Job 19:25-27 is a beautiful counterpart:
“I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; I myself will see him with my own eyes—I, and not another. How my heart yearns within me!”
The next time I visited the stone memorial at MTI was in May 2009 while I was in CO for a YFC retreat. That time, I saw that there were all these tiny blue and purple wild flowers growing up around the memorial stones. Here is what I journaled that day: “I thought it was just a beautiful picture of what God has been speaking a lot lately, that He is at work to bring beauty from the ashes of our tragedy…to bring something beautiful out of something so painful…to bring triumph out of tragedy.”
I felt led to pick a handful of the wildflowers and press them to send to the family members. So I pressed them and later decided to laminate them into bookmarks and have since sent them to Scott and Andrea, Andrea’s parents, Scott’s parents, and Cindy & Kjel, and Jessica’s father John.
After Cindy got the bookmark in the mail, she told me that Jess used to press flowers and laminate bookmarks of them too!! Cindy wrote:
“For Thanksgiving 2000, Jess pressed these beautiful flowers and put them in a bookmark with the verse from Isaiah 66:13 that says, "I will comfort you as a mother comforts her child," and she wrote, "Thank you for making it so easy for me to see God as a mother." I have treasured that bookmark even more since she went to Heaven and use it to mark my place in whatever current devotional book I am using in the mornings, and now I will have your sweet, special bookmark to use to mark my place in my Bible. I had actually been thinking of buying another bookmark to use to mark my Bible spot, so yours will now be that special bookmark. Taking the time to press the flowers, make the bookmark, and send it to me was one of the sweetest things you could have ever done.”
Wow…after that email I realized that the fact that I felt led to pick, press, laminate, and mail off that bookmark to Cindy and Kjel was just another way that God is comforting her heart (and the other families’). I have never once pressed and laminated flowers, or even thought to do that!
The other day in Atlanta, Cindy got teary-eyed recounting how she still treasures that MTI memorial flower bookmark, and how much that and our friendship has meant to her. When they sent me off from the airport, she gave me a long embrace with tears in her eyes. And so yet again, I was sent off from the U.S. by Cindy & Kjel.
This time I was welcomed and embraced on the other side of the Atlantic by the other parents who lost a daughter in the accident – the parents of Karin. They live just a handful of kilometers from the Johannesburg airport, and I had a 23-hour layover. So I had emailed them to let them know I was passing through again (they had wanted to see me last time but it didn’t work out), and they eagerly offered their hospitality. I had never met them before, and so it was a true blessing. I was able to share pictures with them (they had never seen pictures of Jessica or Scott & Andrea), and to share stories with them about my healing recovery and the statement I read in court to the man who hit us. They have been praying for him as well.
When I showed them pictures of the stone memorial behind MTI, they were really touched to see the wildflowers growing up around it. They asked if they could have that picture with the wildflowers, so I saved it to their computer. Karin’s mother said that they still view that stone memorial (and the service that preceded its creation) as the real memorial, since it was the first one. They were so thankful to have received a DVD of the memorial service.
I was excited because, unbeknownst to them, I had saved one last pressed flower bookmark of those wildflowers to hopefully give to them one day. I didn’t tell them at that point that I had pressed, laminated, and sent those flowers out…I would write it to them in a card I brought along for that purpose and give it to them the next day.
So that night, I wrote out the card, explaining how now everyone who lost a child has one of those special flowers…in Cambodia, California, Georgia, and now South Africa. I shared how I knew now that it was definitely the Lord that led me to do it because I’ve seen how much it has meant to everyone, and since Karin’s parents had been so touched by the picture of the wildflowers, I could anticipate how precious a gift the flower bookmark would be for them as well.
I ended up giving them the card and the flower bookmark yesterday as we parted ways at the airport as I got ready to board the plane for Botswana. When I explained that the bookmark was one of the wildflowers from the stone memorial, Karin’s mother got tears in her eyes and hugged and kissed me, whispering “God bless you” in my ear.
So all in all, it was a beautiful journey back to Botswana. It was such a blessing to get to see both these families and to have more of a sense of closure by being able to finally meet Karin’s parents and give them the flower bookmark. I will also let them know that I put a picture on their computer of the exact purple flower in their bookmark by itself back when it was freshly picked at MTI.
Sometime I hope to share the many ways God has been encouraging me as I begin ministry again in Botswana after losing dad. And I am still working on some entries that share more memories of dad. By the way, if anyone has any particular memories of dad that they would like to share, it’s always fun and comforting to hear. So feel free to write in the guestbook or shoot me an email. They might even feature in my memory-tribute I’ve been working on.
Now I’m off to drive a Canadian to a building supply company. There are 23 Canadians from SW Ontario (neighbors to us in Port Huron) who are here serving on a 2-week mission trip with YFC Project Serve. They are staying here at the office…so it’s kind of a zoo…or a beehive with a hum of activity everywhere. This afternoon, I’ll help lead worship with them in a school in Mochudi. Good times.
Blessings from Botswana again!
~Em
Thursday, July 8, 2010
"The New Normal"; Indomitable spirit!
Hi everyone!
I returned to Michigan last night from my weeklong trip to Minnesota. I went out there to get my jaw checked out at my jaw specialist and to visit my bro and lots of friends. It was a great trip. Though I couldn’t see everyone I would have liked because of lack of time, I was excited to get to see so many special people in my life [I lived the majority of the last 9 years there]. The jaw specialist said my jaw is not dislocated or mis-aligned, which is good news (a year ago it was dislocated on both sides). The jaw appliance I’ve been wearing at least at night was off-balance though, so they adjusted that. I’ve just been suffering from a ‘flare-up’ in my muscles perhaps related in part to the appliance being off-balance (which really means my neck/jaw shifted). I need to wear it full-time again for a month at least and be really disciplined in heating/icing and doing exercises to loosen my jaw muscles. I had therapy done on those muscles yesterday, and it didn’t hurt as much as it had in the fall (e.g. I wasn’t tempted to bite the therapist’s hand as she massaged my jaw!), so that’s a good sign.
Thanks for the prayers for my jaw and neck (the neck’s alignment directly affects the jaw). And though it’s good to know there’s nothing hugely wrong and the pain has been lessening, please keep the prayers coming if you feel so inclined as there is still some pain when I eat. I will head back to Botswana on Monday.
Back to the main reason for my trip to the States…I realized that I never shared about dad’s funeral/celebration service itself. It was a blessing to see so many family and friends from England, Chicago, Texas, Minnesota, other parts of Michigan. Fr. Darryl Pigeon and his wife Cynthia (who led our church and youth group in Lexington for 11 years) flew up from Texas. He helped officiate the service and gave one of the eulogies, sharing how dad had been his right-hand man during his years at our church, like how Epaphroditus was such a support (brother, fellow worker) for the apostle Paul. Pastor Mitch Olson from our current church also gave a nice eulogy, the most memorable part being when he joked that dad had been saying, “We just don’t get it!” regarding eternity…and five minutes later, he got it!
Before the service started, we showed a beautiful video montage of pictures of dad’s life. Ryan’s friend Ethan is a videographer, and he put it together the night before the service after we’d been busy finding and scanning pictures.
Another special part of the service was when a group of about 15-20 of us got up to sing, “It is Well with My Soul” in 4-part harmony. Mom, Dad’s sister Roni, Ryan, and I all sang as well. This impromptu choir was the idea of one of our friends who gathered together choir friends we’ve sung with from different churches to reunite to sing it. We had no rehearsal at all…but from what I could tell and what others said, it was beautiful. During communion, I played one of my own compositions on the piano. It was the first song I composed, back when I was 17, so dad heard it many times.
After a nice luncheon in which I caught up with some of my childhood friends, we drove up to Lexington Municipal Cemetery, where dad was buried. Mom, Ryan, and I had chosen a spot in the newest section the cemetery recently acquired, so his body is the first in the furthest west section under some beautiful old trees. So looking at his grave into the setting sun, you see the large tree trunks and then a field of wild grasses behind it. Dad loved and appreciated the beauty of nature, so it’s a perfect spot. At the burial, Pastor Mitch brought along his shofar (ram's horn trumpet) from Israel and blew it to honor dad. He's only blown it on a few very special occasions.
And on a more humorous note, when I was growing up, dad, when walking the dog by the cemetery or after the Memorial Day parades that ended with a service there, would point out the irony that next to the cemetery is a yellow road sign that reads “Dead End”! He always got a kick out of that, so we had a laugh knowing he is surely amused to be buried at the “Dead End” in Lexington.
A couple days after the funeral, I went into Meijer, one of dad’s favorite places to shop. As I walked in the door, I saw a big poster ad for Cedar Point, an amusement park with tons of roller coasters. I got excited thinking of the fun I’ve had there in the past and anticipating going there again someday, and then I remembered that I can’t go on roller coasters anymore because of my neck. Then I thought about how dad is gone…and I thought as I walked down the aisle that I could really get down if I focused on all the negative things—what I can’t do anymore, how dad is gone, etc.
Then just a minute or two later, I saw and picked up Daily Devotions Inspired by 90 Minutes in Heaven [a book]. Both dad and I had read that book last fall – it’s about a man, Don Piper, who miraculously survived a horrific car accident. I happened to open right to the entry entitled: The New Normal. Here are some excerpts:
“All of us have those times when [life changes drastically]. We can never go back to the old way—the “normal” behavior or circumstances. What had been normal becomes simply the way life used to be. Because we can’t go backward, the best we can do is to learn to accept our life as it is now, move forward, and discover a new kind of normal…All of us have those times when we look at what was and compare it with what is. Some of us have had to face that a number of times; others have a single experience that is as powerful a line of demarcation as the line between B.C. and A.D.
Because the old way—the old normal—is gone, we have to find a new one… My physical condition had made me a different person…Many physical activities I had taken for granted were no longer possible….We can never return to the way life was, even though we may cry out for it. Part of our happiness depends on accepting the new reality that we are now living. This is how I function now. I can make it the best phase of my life or I can refuse to accept to accept the changes. It’s up to me. But this much I can tell anyone: If we accept the new normal, life will be happier and easier.
Dear God, I may not like the things that have changed; I wish my life had not altered. But it has. Remind me that because you love me and are in control of my life, this phase of my life can be as good as or even better than the way life was before. Amen.”
Wow…so if that didn’t address EXACTLY what I had just been thinking, I don’t know what does! I didn’t buy the book at the time, but a few days later I decided I wanted to after all. And when I picked it up a few days later to buy it, I opened to this page about church members whose pastor had just died:
“They wanted explanations and I had to tell them, ‘Sometimes there are no explanations. Sometimes we have to trust God’s wisdom and timing, despite all the sorrow we face.’…I can’t explain why some people die in horrible accidents and others don’t. I don’t know why some good people die young and some wicked people live to be ninety. If we focus only on such events, we lose our perspective.
The proper perspective is that God loves us and is with us, even during the worst of times. There is an old story about the discouraged father who cried out to a pastor, ‘Where was God when my son died?’ The minister said, ‘The same place he was when his own son died.’
God is with us—all the time. We can focus on tragedy and ask, ‘Where was God?’ Or we can say, ‘God, this tragedy hurts. I’m in pain. Help me.’
When I spoke to the congregation in Arizona, I [asked]: ‘Do you think your pastor is sitting at the gate of heaven right now crying because he’s not here with you?’
‘No, I think he’s rejoicing in the presence of the Lord,’ someone said.
‘Absolutely right. So you don’t need to weep for him. Weep for your loss, cry because you miss him, but don’t weep for him.’”
That reminds me of how the day after the funeral, I heard the song “I Will Rise” by Chris Tomlin for the first time I really remember (listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bms0ZiM_KG0&feature=fvst), and when it reached the soaring, ethereal bridge—“And I hear the voice of many angels sing, ‘Worthy is the Lamb’…”, I pictured dad in heaven just overwhelmed by God’s glory and love, just absolutely overcome and weeping in joyful awe, and I couldn’t contain my smile, nor the tears streaming down my face. I love how even death has no lasting victory over those whose hope is in Christ. I love my God. Some of dad’s last words were how we on earth just don’t get eternity, and I felt like now he would emphasize that and how we still on earth just don’t get how incomparably amazing heaven is… “No eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined what God has prepared for those who love him” (1 Cor. 2:9). So dad is loving every minute. We can be sad because we miss him, but surely not sad for him.
Here are some excerpts from a journal entry a week after dad’s funeral that I wrote on the beach in the spot where I often go to think and pray, and where God called me to Botswana:
Death is the last enemy to be defeated and Lord how I look forward to the day when death is no more and it is swallowed up in life. And while I think that would be comforting to dad whose life was shorter than most [in USA], I am reminded that he does not need to be comforted. He is experiencing that death-swallowing victorious life right now. He is not sad that he couldn’t live 20 more years on earth now. He does not feel robbed or cheated—He is just in inexplicable, true, all-satisfying bliss, worshipping You in perpetual awe and wonder. Would he want to come back now if he could? I highly doubt it. The things God has planned for those who love Him are beyond our comprehension – “We just don’t get it” but now dad does!
Since Christ is the firstborn from the dead and opened the way of resurrection to us, we know that dad got immediate entrance into the presence of the Lord in all His glory, and one day he will get his perfect glorified body when Jesus returns to earth. Perhaps back in Jesus’ day, it was more appealing to Lazarus to return to earth, but now I’d say it would horrible to send someone back to a fractured, broken, fallen world after they have tasted the unparalleled joy of heaven and heard the music around the throne. And so I know dad is loving it, and in terms of eternity, this is just a tiny separation before we will be reunited once more FOREVER & EVER.
I will continue by God’s strength on the path He has led me down—the call to missions He whispered here in this spot 8 years to the day before I learned of dad’s death. God is faithful. He is good. His grace is sufficient. His call irrevocable. And so I will press on, running the race He’s set before me. Indomitable through Christ.
I love you, Lord. Thank You for Your faithfulness. Thank you for being my Father. I will surely miss my earthly father more and more, and Lord, I pray that You will fill in the hole with Your embrace as my Heavenly Father. I’ve never known life without dad—please help me as I walk this new, difficult road and get used to “The New Normal.” Thank You that You will never leave me nor forsake me—that You are the Father to the fatherless and protector of widows. I love You. Keep drawing me close…help me mourn and grieve “well,” in Your arms. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Thank You for being constant
No matter what happens
However big the change
You are unchanging
You are constant
Constantly faithful
Constantly beautiful
Constantly with me
I used the phrase “Indomitable through Christ” in that journal entry because in the week after dad died, I heard my aunt read that word and it just jumped out at me. I had an idea of what it meant, but I asked her just in case. My suspicions were confirmed… she said something to the effect of not being overcome or beaten down even when so much is against you. Here's a dictionary definition: Incapable of being overcome, subdued, or vanquished; unconquerable. I wrote this in an email to a friend:
We are indomitable through Christ. Amen? Amen! No matter what trials, suffering, temptations, evil darts of the enemy...deaths of loved ones, car accidents, health problems, etc...if we are in Christ, even those things cannot defeat us. And if we do die, as dad did, we go to be with Him FOREVER.
A song I heard for the first time at the concert mom and I went to on June 25 is “Our God” by Chris Tomlin. As I heard it live, it just resonated in my heart as a triumphant declaration that captures this concept of having an indomitable spirit through Christ. I absolutely LOVE this song. Listen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlA5IDnpGhc
Into the darkness You shine
Out of the ashes we rise
There’s no one like You
None like You
CHORUS
Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…
BRIDGE
And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
What can stand against?
It is largely based on Romans 8:31-39, which was in my daily bible reading plan on Tuesday. Then the next day, yesterday, in the airport as I was sitting at the gate, I happened to look up and read the shirt of a woman walking past me. Her shirt read, in all caps: INDOMITABLE SPIRIT
!!!
Our God is greater!
Blessings, and thanks for all the prayers and encouragement!
~Em
I returned to Michigan last night from my weeklong trip to Minnesota. I went out there to get my jaw checked out at my jaw specialist and to visit my bro and lots of friends. It was a great trip. Though I couldn’t see everyone I would have liked because of lack of time, I was excited to get to see so many special people in my life [I lived the majority of the last 9 years there]. The jaw specialist said my jaw is not dislocated or mis-aligned, which is good news (a year ago it was dislocated on both sides). The jaw appliance I’ve been wearing at least at night was off-balance though, so they adjusted that. I’ve just been suffering from a ‘flare-up’ in my muscles perhaps related in part to the appliance being off-balance (which really means my neck/jaw shifted). I need to wear it full-time again for a month at least and be really disciplined in heating/icing and doing exercises to loosen my jaw muscles. I had therapy done on those muscles yesterday, and it didn’t hurt as much as it had in the fall (e.g. I wasn’t tempted to bite the therapist’s hand as she massaged my jaw!), so that’s a good sign.
Thanks for the prayers for my jaw and neck (the neck’s alignment directly affects the jaw). And though it’s good to know there’s nothing hugely wrong and the pain has been lessening, please keep the prayers coming if you feel so inclined as there is still some pain when I eat. I will head back to Botswana on Monday.
Back to the main reason for my trip to the States…I realized that I never shared about dad’s funeral/celebration service itself. It was a blessing to see so many family and friends from England, Chicago, Texas, Minnesota, other parts of Michigan. Fr. Darryl Pigeon and his wife Cynthia (who led our church and youth group in Lexington for 11 years) flew up from Texas. He helped officiate the service and gave one of the eulogies, sharing how dad had been his right-hand man during his years at our church, like how Epaphroditus was such a support (brother, fellow worker) for the apostle Paul. Pastor Mitch Olson from our current church also gave a nice eulogy, the most memorable part being when he joked that dad had been saying, “We just don’t get it!” regarding eternity…and five minutes later, he got it!
Before the service started, we showed a beautiful video montage of pictures of dad’s life. Ryan’s friend Ethan is a videographer, and he put it together the night before the service after we’d been busy finding and scanning pictures.
Another special part of the service was when a group of about 15-20 of us got up to sing, “It is Well with My Soul” in 4-part harmony. Mom, Dad’s sister Roni, Ryan, and I all sang as well. This impromptu choir was the idea of one of our friends who gathered together choir friends we’ve sung with from different churches to reunite to sing it. We had no rehearsal at all…but from what I could tell and what others said, it was beautiful. During communion, I played one of my own compositions on the piano. It was the first song I composed, back when I was 17, so dad heard it many times.
After a nice luncheon in which I caught up with some of my childhood friends, we drove up to Lexington Municipal Cemetery, where dad was buried. Mom, Ryan, and I had chosen a spot in the newest section the cemetery recently acquired, so his body is the first in the furthest west section under some beautiful old trees. So looking at his grave into the setting sun, you see the large tree trunks and then a field of wild grasses behind it. Dad loved and appreciated the beauty of nature, so it’s a perfect spot. At the burial, Pastor Mitch brought along his shofar (ram's horn trumpet) from Israel and blew it to honor dad. He's only blown it on a few very special occasions.
And on a more humorous note, when I was growing up, dad, when walking the dog by the cemetery or after the Memorial Day parades that ended with a service there, would point out the irony that next to the cemetery is a yellow road sign that reads “Dead End”! He always got a kick out of that, so we had a laugh knowing he is surely amused to be buried at the “Dead End” in Lexington.
A couple days after the funeral, I went into Meijer, one of dad’s favorite places to shop. As I walked in the door, I saw a big poster ad for Cedar Point, an amusement park with tons of roller coasters. I got excited thinking of the fun I’ve had there in the past and anticipating going there again someday, and then I remembered that I can’t go on roller coasters anymore because of my neck. Then I thought about how dad is gone…and I thought as I walked down the aisle that I could really get down if I focused on all the negative things—what I can’t do anymore, how dad is gone, etc.
Then just a minute or two later, I saw and picked up Daily Devotions Inspired by 90 Minutes in Heaven [a book]. Both dad and I had read that book last fall – it’s about a man, Don Piper, who miraculously survived a horrific car accident. I happened to open right to the entry entitled: The New Normal. Here are some excerpts:
“All of us have those times when [life changes drastically]. We can never go back to the old way—the “normal” behavior or circumstances. What had been normal becomes simply the way life used to be. Because we can’t go backward, the best we can do is to learn to accept our life as it is now, move forward, and discover a new kind of normal…All of us have those times when we look at what was and compare it with what is. Some of us have had to face that a number of times; others have a single experience that is as powerful a line of demarcation as the line between B.C. and A.D.
Because the old way—the old normal—is gone, we have to find a new one… My physical condition had made me a different person…Many physical activities I had taken for granted were no longer possible….We can never return to the way life was, even though we may cry out for it. Part of our happiness depends on accepting the new reality that we are now living. This is how I function now. I can make it the best phase of my life or I can refuse to accept to accept the changes. It’s up to me. But this much I can tell anyone: If we accept the new normal, life will be happier and easier.
Dear God, I may not like the things that have changed; I wish my life had not altered. But it has. Remind me that because you love me and are in control of my life, this phase of my life can be as good as or even better than the way life was before. Amen.”
Wow…so if that didn’t address EXACTLY what I had just been thinking, I don’t know what does! I didn’t buy the book at the time, but a few days later I decided I wanted to after all. And when I picked it up a few days later to buy it, I opened to this page about church members whose pastor had just died:
“They wanted explanations and I had to tell them, ‘Sometimes there are no explanations. Sometimes we have to trust God’s wisdom and timing, despite all the sorrow we face.’…I can’t explain why some people die in horrible accidents and others don’t. I don’t know why some good people die young and some wicked people live to be ninety. If we focus only on such events, we lose our perspective.
The proper perspective is that God loves us and is with us, even during the worst of times. There is an old story about the discouraged father who cried out to a pastor, ‘Where was God when my son died?’ The minister said, ‘The same place he was when his own son died.’
God is with us—all the time. We can focus on tragedy and ask, ‘Where was God?’ Or we can say, ‘God, this tragedy hurts. I’m in pain. Help me.’
When I spoke to the congregation in Arizona, I [asked]: ‘Do you think your pastor is sitting at the gate of heaven right now crying because he’s not here with you?’
‘No, I think he’s rejoicing in the presence of the Lord,’ someone said.
‘Absolutely right. So you don’t need to weep for him. Weep for your loss, cry because you miss him, but don’t weep for him.’”
That reminds me of how the day after the funeral, I heard the song “I Will Rise” by Chris Tomlin for the first time I really remember (listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bms0ZiM_KG0&feature=fvst), and when it reached the soaring, ethereal bridge—“And I hear the voice of many angels sing, ‘Worthy is the Lamb’…”, I pictured dad in heaven just overwhelmed by God’s glory and love, just absolutely overcome and weeping in joyful awe, and I couldn’t contain my smile, nor the tears streaming down my face. I love how even death has no lasting victory over those whose hope is in Christ. I love my God. Some of dad’s last words were how we on earth just don’t get eternity, and I felt like now he would emphasize that and how we still on earth just don’t get how incomparably amazing heaven is… “No eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined what God has prepared for those who love him” (1 Cor. 2:9). So dad is loving every minute. We can be sad because we miss him, but surely not sad for him.
Here are some excerpts from a journal entry a week after dad’s funeral that I wrote on the beach in the spot where I often go to think and pray, and where God called me to Botswana:
Death is the last enemy to be defeated and Lord how I look forward to the day when death is no more and it is swallowed up in life. And while I think that would be comforting to dad whose life was shorter than most [in USA], I am reminded that he does not need to be comforted. He is experiencing that death-swallowing victorious life right now. He is not sad that he couldn’t live 20 more years on earth now. He does not feel robbed or cheated—He is just in inexplicable, true, all-satisfying bliss, worshipping You in perpetual awe and wonder. Would he want to come back now if he could? I highly doubt it. The things God has planned for those who love Him are beyond our comprehension – “We just don’t get it” but now dad does!
Since Christ is the firstborn from the dead and opened the way of resurrection to us, we know that dad got immediate entrance into the presence of the Lord in all His glory, and one day he will get his perfect glorified body when Jesus returns to earth. Perhaps back in Jesus’ day, it was more appealing to Lazarus to return to earth, but now I’d say it would horrible to send someone back to a fractured, broken, fallen world after they have tasted the unparalleled joy of heaven and heard the music around the throne. And so I know dad is loving it, and in terms of eternity, this is just a tiny separation before we will be reunited once more FOREVER & EVER.
I will continue by God’s strength on the path He has led me down—the call to missions He whispered here in this spot 8 years to the day before I learned of dad’s death. God is faithful. He is good. His grace is sufficient. His call irrevocable. And so I will press on, running the race He’s set before me. Indomitable through Christ.
I love you, Lord. Thank You for Your faithfulness. Thank you for being my Father. I will surely miss my earthly father more and more, and Lord, I pray that You will fill in the hole with Your embrace as my Heavenly Father. I’ve never known life without dad—please help me as I walk this new, difficult road and get used to “The New Normal.” Thank You that You will never leave me nor forsake me—that You are the Father to the fatherless and protector of widows. I love You. Keep drawing me close…help me mourn and grieve “well,” in Your arms. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Thank You for being constant
No matter what happens
However big the change
You are unchanging
You are constant
Constantly faithful
Constantly beautiful
Constantly with me
I used the phrase “Indomitable through Christ” in that journal entry because in the week after dad died, I heard my aunt read that word and it just jumped out at me. I had an idea of what it meant, but I asked her just in case. My suspicions were confirmed… she said something to the effect of not being overcome or beaten down even when so much is against you. Here's a dictionary definition: Incapable of being overcome, subdued, or vanquished; unconquerable. I wrote this in an email to a friend:
We are indomitable through Christ. Amen? Amen! No matter what trials, suffering, temptations, evil darts of the enemy...deaths of loved ones, car accidents, health problems, etc...if we are in Christ, even those things cannot defeat us. And if we do die, as dad did, we go to be with Him FOREVER.
A song I heard for the first time at the concert mom and I went to on June 25 is “Our God” by Chris Tomlin. As I heard it live, it just resonated in my heart as a triumphant declaration that captures this concept of having an indomitable spirit through Christ. I absolutely LOVE this song. Listen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlA5IDnpGhc
Into the darkness You shine
Out of the ashes we rise
There’s no one like You
None like You
CHORUS
Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…
BRIDGE
And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
What can stand against?
It is largely based on Romans 8:31-39, which was in my daily bible reading plan on Tuesday. Then the next day, yesterday, in the airport as I was sitting at the gate, I happened to look up and read the shirt of a woman walking past me. Her shirt read, in all caps: INDOMITABLE SPIRIT
!!!
Our God is greater!
Blessings, and thanks for all the prayers and encouragement!
~Em
Friday, June 25, 2010
Cool Ways God is Comforting Us
Hi everyone,
I wanted to share some more of the details that happened surrounding dad’s transition to heaven. While we already were comforted by the reality of heaven and that dad is now with God for eternity, the following things have just reiterated that and comforted us even more.
Backing up a bit, on Monday June 7 (two days before dad died), I remember thinking about my parents and how if/when their health was failing, I would come back from the mission field to take care of them. The night before I had come across several verses about caring for your parents, and I was evidently still reflecting on that. To be honest, I hadn’t thought much about caring for them in their old age before that…I figured it was years off. But nonetheless, it was on my mind those days.
That day I taught my last lesson (before I flew home) to teens in an after-school club in Botswana. The topic: Eternal perspective. I drew a long line from one side of the white board all the way to the other and just erased a tiny fingernail-width sliver. That tiny sliver represented our time on earth as compared to eternity. I tried to convey that our time spent on earth is SO EXTREMELY SHORT compared to the FOREVER of eternity, and that our choices (chiefly our decision regarding Christ) and our actions here on earth will determine what our life will be like FOREVER for eternity. Using an analogy they would grasp, I shared that just as one poor decision to have unprotected sex (or even “protected”) can result in having HIV/AIDS for the rest of their lives on earth…in an even more significant case, our decisions in this short life on earth will determine our future FOREVER in eternity.
Shortly after that lesson, back at home we had our Setswana lesson, and we learned how to say “has”—that something “has” something else. After the lesson, I saw one of the posters on my wall with verses in Setswana and quickly recognized and understood that same concept. Without my Setswana dictionary, I was excited to finally be able to translate it fully: “He who has the Son of God has eternal life.” I did look up khutleng just to make sure it meant ‘eternal’ and, sure enough, it did. That was the one new word I learned…eternal.
Who knew that a few days later, that verse would comfort me about my dad in a fresh way. The first night after learning about dad I ended my journaled prayer by asking God to help me keep an eternal perspective and to focus on how dad is with Him and we’ll be reunited before long in light of eternity. Then after I flew here, I learned more about dad’s last 15 minutes and how eternity had been on his mind too…
I learned that it was not actually during the men’s study that dad had passed away, but he had lingered in the church after the meeting was officially over to talk with some men he hadn’t met before that night. One of them, Tim, wrote up a description of dad’s last 15 minutes:
Wednesday June 9, 2010
Our first session of the “Wild at Heart” series had just ended at Grace Ministry Center, and several people were still lingering, so I went up to a gentleman that I had not met named Hugh. I introduced myself and he did likewise. I said to him “I detect a slight accent, are you from England?” He replies “Yes”, and our conversation began. Hugh shared about meeting his wife and how they decided to move to the U.S. because of the economic conditions in Britain and how it seemed better to them to live here and be able to visit more often with that set-up than the other way. I could tell this man was full of passion and loved his wife by how he spoke of her.
Hugh shared about his daughter named Emily, sometimes referring to her as “Em”. He said that he was amazed at the power of prayer, and shared how Emily was in a serious accident right before she was to go overseas for missionary work, and how the group that she was with, I believe YWAM [actually Youth for Christ], was based out of Denver, where the accident occurred, and how those folk rallied around her in support and prayer, and how God raised her from her bed of affliction. He told me that Emily was now in Botswana serving the Lord, and I could see by the excitement in his voice that He was proud of her.
We got to talking about the things of God and Hugh commented about the recent volcanic eruption in Iceland, and how God will settle that environmental condition in due time. He also mentioned the fallacy of “Global Warming.” Hugh spoke about the vastness of God’s handiwork and how much bigger and more powerful are His works than that of mankind. In a reflective moment, Hugh recalled the beautiful sunrises and sunsets up in Lexington that he and his wife had witnessed together in their stay there.
At some point in our conversation of about fifteen minutes or so, Hugh said “We just don’t get what Eternity is all about. We are here for such a short time compared with Eternity”. I could see that he reflected often on the things of God and His ways. He longed for more of God and wanted to experience the fullness of all that the Lord had for him. The time spent in dialog with Hugh will be something I will always remember, and I’m sure we will be able to pick it up on the other side.
---------------------------------
Wow…so some of dad’s last words were about eternity, eternal perspective, and how life on earth is SO SHORT compared to eternity! Pastor Mitch, in his eulogy last Tuesday, remarked that dad had just been saying regarding eternity, “We just don’t get it!” and five minutes later, he got it! :). Tim told me in person that dad had also been sharing about his faith background with them that night. So not only did dad go straight from the house of God to the House of God…but right after sharing about his life, family, God, and eternity!
After learning that dad had collapsed while lingering after the actual study finished, I realized how beautiful it truly is that it was there that he died. Had he left right after the study to return home, he could have been driving at that moment; and I know all too well what can happen when someone loses consciousness at the wheel on the freeway... So that makes that 15 minute conversation all the more precious and priceless.
In retrospect, I recalled that the reading in my daily bible plan for June 9 (when dad died suddenly) included this verse: “For man does not know his time. Like fish that are taken in an evil net, and like birds that are caught in a snare, so the children of man are snared at an evil time, when it suddenly falls upon them”— Ecclesiastes 9:12.
Our priest and youth pastor for over a decade, Father Darryl Pigeon, also gave a eulogy at dad’s funeral/celebration service. He shared how dad had truly ruminated and meditated on a particular story in one of his sermons…so much so that even 6 full months later, dad brought it up again in conversation with him. It was a story of how the demonic beings were strategizing with Satan how to win as many humans as possible to hell instead of heaven. One suggested spreading the lie that there is no heaven. “Nope…that’s been tried and didn’t really work.” “Ok, what about telling them there’s no hell?” “Nope…tried and failed.” Then an old, wise demon being piped up, “I know…let’s tell them there’s no hurry.” I am thankful that dad lived with a sense of urgency and readiness in his own life…and it influenced the way he interacted with others. He kept an eternal perspective. And soon after his funeral, I found a post-it note next to his bedside table in my hand-writing that simply reads “eternal perspective.”
Another thing I discovered the day or so after the funeral was related to the piano piece dad had urged me to listen to recently in an email on May 30, “I Giorno” by Italian composer Ludovico Einaudi. Due to the slow internet connection in Botswana, I had not been able to watch/listen to the You Tube link dad had sent me. The day after the funeral though, I remembered and realized I could now listen to it (you should too!). I looked up more information online, only to discover that “I Giorno” was inspired by a 12th century folk song from Mali, Africa. 'The song,' writes Einaudi 'is sung as a lament for the death of a king or a great person or for the loss of a loved one.'
Many comments shared how they played the piece at funerals. Last week when I was recounting some of these things in an email to a friend and just about to share about “I Giorno,” I glanced over and noticed dad’s Anglican Book of Common Prayer that I had been looking for since I got home. When I picked it up, there was a small piece of paper sticking out from it with dad’s handwriting on it. The only words written there were these: “I Giorno -- Ludovico Einaudi.” I checked to see where the paper had been inserted…it was at Psalm 139, which includes: “Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make the grave my bed, you are there!... In your book were written all of my days, when as yet there were none of them” (v.6-8,16).
The same day I found that (Saturday, June 19), I went with my aunt Roni and cousin Tess from England to the lakeside craft fair in my hometown Lexington. I passed by a booth for homemade soaps without really looking, but Tess called me back… “Em, this looks like your dog!” I returned to the booth to see a picture of a beagle, and not just any beagle, but Chester himself! It was a card sent from Chester [my parents really…Chester hasn’t mastered literacy yet] to the soap makers (based about an hour away) thanking them for their amazing soap that took away all his itchies! The soapmakers were like, “Oh, that looks like your dog?” and I responded, “No…that IS my dog!”
It was a cool thing not only to see Chester “famous” in his endorsement, but also a surprising gift to see that Chester’s note was in my dad’s handwriting. Nothing like an unexpected humorous note in dad’s handwriting! Also, at that craft fair we went to a booth with wooden carved picture frame mattes and one of the ones at the front of the stacks had a school bus carved in it. My dad loved being a school bus driver for over 15 years so I knew I had to get it to give to Mom the following day, Father’s Day. It has a bunch of openings for pictures so we are working on just the right combination.
The next day, Father’s Day, was one of the more emotional ones for me…understandably. I know that I am extremely blessed to have had such a wonderful father. I have been compiling many of the memories of him and will share that sometime soon…and recounting it all at once has reiterated to me just how blessed I am to call him father. And I know that the Father he often pointed me toward will be with me always – “Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation” (Psalm 68:5).
After church, Mike, one of the young men training for ministry who works at the church came over for lunch. Dad and Mike had gotten pretty close and we learned from Mike that Dad would stop by and chat/counsel/mentor Mike or just leave notes of encouragement on his desk. His last one was something to the effect of, “Michael, you’ve gotta read What’s So Amazing About Grace by Philip Yancey!” On Sunday at our house, Mike was describing how his [Mike’s] model of leadership is like the Moses-Joshua successor concept – that he wants to train up and prepare leaders under him so that if anything were to happen to him or if God quickly called him elsewhere, his ministry would continue by those he had trained.
Just a few minutes later, Mike picked up a big hardcover study bible (that Philip Yancey actually gave me and I gave Mom & Dad) that was on our coffee table to look inside. He opened to the page where there was a piece of paper with notes handwritten by my dad. And what did it say?
“Joshua effect – leaders need to train a successor. What is your ministry? Who will follow?”
!!! Mike was stunned a bit seeing that in dad’s writing after he’d just been saying that same exact thing! Mom had already bought another copy of What’s So Amazing About Grace that she was planning on leaving on Mike’s desk at church when he wasn’t there so he would find it, just like he would find dad’s previous notes. After that, she also included dad’s note about the Joshua leadership model that we now know both he and Mike value. She wrapped it nicely and left it on his desk. Mom even found and photocopied dad’s signature and pasted it in the front of the book.
Turns out, Mike discovered it right after he had come to mow our lawn. He had called one night to ask if he could mow our lawn right as another family friend visiting us was about to show mom how to start our lawn mower (one I’ve never used either—we just sold our riding mower). Mike insisted he would be honored to do it, so he came over, mowed with abandon, and then we all shared a meal outside in the garden. Moments later, Mike would discover the gift left for him on his desk.
Late on Father’s Day, I found something that I will treasure and take back with me to Botswana—a Beanie Baby bear that I gave dad years and years ago. It’s a blue bear named Pops with a tie decorated with British Union Jack flags. Its tag reads: “Pops—My Dad has such a great big heart; He’s kind and fun and really smart; He always finds the time to play; I want to be like him someday!”
In conclusion, after talking to Mom, we’ve realized that the very last time I talked to dad on the phone was when I just felt that unexpected desire welling up in me to just call home from my cell phone while stuck in traffic in Botswana for the express purpose of just taking a minute or two to tell dad and mom I love them! I also had a desire to call those last couple nights, and I even shared that in my last email to dad the day he died.
Though that phone call never happened, I am thankful to have emailed him— as I shared before, I felt led to email him on the day he died and ended with “I love you!!!!” and he wrote back just hours before he died, ending with “Luv ya back!” And how beautiful in retrospect to realize that the last time I heard dad’s voice was when I felt led for the first time in my life to call for just a couple minutes to tell my parents I love them!
And so even in the midst of this hard time, it hasn’t been hard to see the ways God has been comforting us. There’s more, but this is long enough for now. Stay tuned for some more meaningful and entertaining stories ;). Thanks again so much for all the prayers, cards, gifts, visits, hugs, etc. You’ve helped us feel God’s comfort as well.
Blessings,
Em
P.S. While I am on this side of the Atlantic, we thought I would get my jaw checked out again by the specialist in Minnesota since it’s been acting up again for over a month and a half. So it looks like I will be in Minnesota next week sometime…still working out the details. I know God can heal my jaw so let’s pray to that end!
P.P.S. Tonight Mom and I are going to an outdoor concert at DTE (formerly Pine Knob) amphitheatre to see Christian artists Toby Mac and Chris Tomlin. We are excited!!
I wanted to share some more of the details that happened surrounding dad’s transition to heaven. While we already were comforted by the reality of heaven and that dad is now with God for eternity, the following things have just reiterated that and comforted us even more.
Backing up a bit, on Monday June 7 (two days before dad died), I remember thinking about my parents and how if/when their health was failing, I would come back from the mission field to take care of them. The night before I had come across several verses about caring for your parents, and I was evidently still reflecting on that. To be honest, I hadn’t thought much about caring for them in their old age before that…I figured it was years off. But nonetheless, it was on my mind those days.
That day I taught my last lesson (before I flew home) to teens in an after-school club in Botswana. The topic: Eternal perspective. I drew a long line from one side of the white board all the way to the other and just erased a tiny fingernail-width sliver. That tiny sliver represented our time on earth as compared to eternity. I tried to convey that our time spent on earth is SO EXTREMELY SHORT compared to the FOREVER of eternity, and that our choices (chiefly our decision regarding Christ) and our actions here on earth will determine what our life will be like FOREVER for eternity. Using an analogy they would grasp, I shared that just as one poor decision to have unprotected sex (or even “protected”) can result in having HIV/AIDS for the rest of their lives on earth…in an even more significant case, our decisions in this short life on earth will determine our future FOREVER in eternity.
Shortly after that lesson, back at home we had our Setswana lesson, and we learned how to say “has”—that something “has” something else. After the lesson, I saw one of the posters on my wall with verses in Setswana and quickly recognized and understood that same concept. Without my Setswana dictionary, I was excited to finally be able to translate it fully: “He who has the Son of God has eternal life.” I did look up khutleng just to make sure it meant ‘eternal’ and, sure enough, it did. That was the one new word I learned…eternal.
Who knew that a few days later, that verse would comfort me about my dad in a fresh way. The first night after learning about dad I ended my journaled prayer by asking God to help me keep an eternal perspective and to focus on how dad is with Him and we’ll be reunited before long in light of eternity. Then after I flew here, I learned more about dad’s last 15 minutes and how eternity had been on his mind too…
I learned that it was not actually during the men’s study that dad had passed away, but he had lingered in the church after the meeting was officially over to talk with some men he hadn’t met before that night. One of them, Tim, wrote up a description of dad’s last 15 minutes:
Wednesday June 9, 2010
Our first session of the “Wild at Heart” series had just ended at Grace Ministry Center, and several people were still lingering, so I went up to a gentleman that I had not met named Hugh. I introduced myself and he did likewise. I said to him “I detect a slight accent, are you from England?” He replies “Yes”, and our conversation began. Hugh shared about meeting his wife and how they decided to move to the U.S. because of the economic conditions in Britain and how it seemed better to them to live here and be able to visit more often with that set-up than the other way. I could tell this man was full of passion and loved his wife by how he spoke of her.
Hugh shared about his daughter named Emily, sometimes referring to her as “Em”. He said that he was amazed at the power of prayer, and shared how Emily was in a serious accident right before she was to go overseas for missionary work, and how the group that she was with, I believe YWAM [actually Youth for Christ], was based out of Denver, where the accident occurred, and how those folk rallied around her in support and prayer, and how God raised her from her bed of affliction. He told me that Emily was now in Botswana serving the Lord, and I could see by the excitement in his voice that He was proud of her.
We got to talking about the things of God and Hugh commented about the recent volcanic eruption in Iceland, and how God will settle that environmental condition in due time. He also mentioned the fallacy of “Global Warming.” Hugh spoke about the vastness of God’s handiwork and how much bigger and more powerful are His works than that of mankind. In a reflective moment, Hugh recalled the beautiful sunrises and sunsets up in Lexington that he and his wife had witnessed together in their stay there.
At some point in our conversation of about fifteen minutes or so, Hugh said “We just don’t get what Eternity is all about. We are here for such a short time compared with Eternity”. I could see that he reflected often on the things of God and His ways. He longed for more of God and wanted to experience the fullness of all that the Lord had for him. The time spent in dialog with Hugh will be something I will always remember, and I’m sure we will be able to pick it up on the other side.
---------------------------------
Wow…so some of dad’s last words were about eternity, eternal perspective, and how life on earth is SO SHORT compared to eternity! Pastor Mitch, in his eulogy last Tuesday, remarked that dad had just been saying regarding eternity, “We just don’t get it!” and five minutes later, he got it! :). Tim told me in person that dad had also been sharing about his faith background with them that night. So not only did dad go straight from the house of God to the House of God…but right after sharing about his life, family, God, and eternity!
After learning that dad had collapsed while lingering after the actual study finished, I realized how beautiful it truly is that it was there that he died. Had he left right after the study to return home, he could have been driving at that moment; and I know all too well what can happen when someone loses consciousness at the wheel on the freeway... So that makes that 15 minute conversation all the more precious and priceless.
In retrospect, I recalled that the reading in my daily bible plan for June 9 (when dad died suddenly) included this verse: “For man does not know his time. Like fish that are taken in an evil net, and like birds that are caught in a snare, so the children of man are snared at an evil time, when it suddenly falls upon them”— Ecclesiastes 9:12.
Our priest and youth pastor for over a decade, Father Darryl Pigeon, also gave a eulogy at dad’s funeral/celebration service. He shared how dad had truly ruminated and meditated on a particular story in one of his sermons…so much so that even 6 full months later, dad brought it up again in conversation with him. It was a story of how the demonic beings were strategizing with Satan how to win as many humans as possible to hell instead of heaven. One suggested spreading the lie that there is no heaven. “Nope…that’s been tried and didn’t really work.” “Ok, what about telling them there’s no hell?” “Nope…tried and failed.” Then an old, wise demon being piped up, “I know…let’s tell them there’s no hurry.” I am thankful that dad lived with a sense of urgency and readiness in his own life…and it influenced the way he interacted with others. He kept an eternal perspective. And soon after his funeral, I found a post-it note next to his bedside table in my hand-writing that simply reads “eternal perspective.”
Another thing I discovered the day or so after the funeral was related to the piano piece dad had urged me to listen to recently in an email on May 30, “I Giorno” by Italian composer Ludovico Einaudi. Due to the slow internet connection in Botswana, I had not been able to watch/listen to the You Tube link dad had sent me. The day after the funeral though, I remembered and realized I could now listen to it (you should too!). I looked up more information online, only to discover that “I Giorno” was inspired by a 12th century folk song from Mali, Africa. 'The song,' writes Einaudi 'is sung as a lament for the death of a king or a great person or for the loss of a loved one.'
Many comments shared how they played the piece at funerals. Last week when I was recounting some of these things in an email to a friend and just about to share about “I Giorno,” I glanced over and noticed dad’s Anglican Book of Common Prayer that I had been looking for since I got home. When I picked it up, there was a small piece of paper sticking out from it with dad’s handwriting on it. The only words written there were these: “I Giorno -- Ludovico Einaudi.” I checked to see where the paper had been inserted…it was at Psalm 139, which includes: “Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make the grave my bed, you are there!... In your book were written all of my days, when as yet there were none of them” (v.6-8,16).
The same day I found that (Saturday, June 19), I went with my aunt Roni and cousin Tess from England to the lakeside craft fair in my hometown Lexington. I passed by a booth for homemade soaps without really looking, but Tess called me back… “Em, this looks like your dog!” I returned to the booth to see a picture of a beagle, and not just any beagle, but Chester himself! It was a card sent from Chester [my parents really…Chester hasn’t mastered literacy yet] to the soap makers (based about an hour away) thanking them for their amazing soap that took away all his itchies! The soapmakers were like, “Oh, that looks like your dog?” and I responded, “No…that IS my dog!”
It was a cool thing not only to see Chester “famous” in his endorsement, but also a surprising gift to see that Chester’s note was in my dad’s handwriting. Nothing like an unexpected humorous note in dad’s handwriting! Also, at that craft fair we went to a booth with wooden carved picture frame mattes and one of the ones at the front of the stacks had a school bus carved in it. My dad loved being a school bus driver for over 15 years so I knew I had to get it to give to Mom the following day, Father’s Day. It has a bunch of openings for pictures so we are working on just the right combination.
The next day, Father’s Day, was one of the more emotional ones for me…understandably. I know that I am extremely blessed to have had such a wonderful father. I have been compiling many of the memories of him and will share that sometime soon…and recounting it all at once has reiterated to me just how blessed I am to call him father. And I know that the Father he often pointed me toward will be with me always – “Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation” (Psalm 68:5).
After church, Mike, one of the young men training for ministry who works at the church came over for lunch. Dad and Mike had gotten pretty close and we learned from Mike that Dad would stop by and chat/counsel/mentor Mike or just leave notes of encouragement on his desk. His last one was something to the effect of, “Michael, you’ve gotta read What’s So Amazing About Grace by Philip Yancey!” On Sunday at our house, Mike was describing how his [Mike’s] model of leadership is like the Moses-Joshua successor concept – that he wants to train up and prepare leaders under him so that if anything were to happen to him or if God quickly called him elsewhere, his ministry would continue by those he had trained.
Just a few minutes later, Mike picked up a big hardcover study bible (that Philip Yancey actually gave me and I gave Mom & Dad) that was on our coffee table to look inside. He opened to the page where there was a piece of paper with notes handwritten by my dad. And what did it say?
“Joshua effect – leaders need to train a successor. What is your ministry? Who will follow?”
!!! Mike was stunned a bit seeing that in dad’s writing after he’d just been saying that same exact thing! Mom had already bought another copy of What’s So Amazing About Grace that she was planning on leaving on Mike’s desk at church when he wasn’t there so he would find it, just like he would find dad’s previous notes. After that, she also included dad’s note about the Joshua leadership model that we now know both he and Mike value. She wrapped it nicely and left it on his desk. Mom even found and photocopied dad’s signature and pasted it in the front of the book.
Turns out, Mike discovered it right after he had come to mow our lawn. He had called one night to ask if he could mow our lawn right as another family friend visiting us was about to show mom how to start our lawn mower (one I’ve never used either—we just sold our riding mower). Mike insisted he would be honored to do it, so he came over, mowed with abandon, and then we all shared a meal outside in the garden. Moments later, Mike would discover the gift left for him on his desk.
Late on Father’s Day, I found something that I will treasure and take back with me to Botswana—a Beanie Baby bear that I gave dad years and years ago. It’s a blue bear named Pops with a tie decorated with British Union Jack flags. Its tag reads: “Pops—My Dad has such a great big heart; He’s kind and fun and really smart; He always finds the time to play; I want to be like him someday!”
In conclusion, after talking to Mom, we’ve realized that the very last time I talked to dad on the phone was when I just felt that unexpected desire welling up in me to just call home from my cell phone while stuck in traffic in Botswana for the express purpose of just taking a minute or two to tell dad and mom I love them! I also had a desire to call those last couple nights, and I even shared that in my last email to dad the day he died.
Though that phone call never happened, I am thankful to have emailed him— as I shared before, I felt led to email him on the day he died and ended with “I love you!!!!” and he wrote back just hours before he died, ending with “Luv ya back!” And how beautiful in retrospect to realize that the last time I heard dad’s voice was when I felt led for the first time in my life to call for just a couple minutes to tell my parents I love them!
And so even in the midst of this hard time, it hasn’t been hard to see the ways God has been comforting us. There’s more, but this is long enough for now. Stay tuned for some more meaningful and entertaining stories ;). Thanks again so much for all the prayers, cards, gifts, visits, hugs, etc. You’ve helped us feel God’s comfort as well.
Blessings,
Em
P.S. While I am on this side of the Atlantic, we thought I would get my jaw checked out again by the specialist in Minnesota since it’s been acting up again for over a month and a half. So it looks like I will be in Minnesota next week sometime…still working out the details. I know God can heal my jaw so let’s pray to that end!
P.P.S. Tonight Mom and I are going to an outdoor concert at DTE (formerly Pine Knob) amphitheatre to see Christian artists Toby Mac and Chris Tomlin. We are excited!!
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