Hi everyone!
I returned to Michigan last night from my weeklong trip to Minnesota. I went out there to get my jaw checked out at my jaw specialist and to visit my bro and lots of friends. It was a great trip. Though I couldn’t see everyone I would have liked because of lack of time, I was excited to get to see so many special people in my life [I lived the majority of the last 9 years there]. The jaw specialist said my jaw is not dislocated or mis-aligned, which is good news (a year ago it was dislocated on both sides). The jaw appliance I’ve been wearing at least at night was off-balance though, so they adjusted that. I’ve just been suffering from a ‘flare-up’ in my muscles perhaps related in part to the appliance being off-balance (which really means my neck/jaw shifted). I need to wear it full-time again for a month at least and be really disciplined in heating/icing and doing exercises to loosen my jaw muscles. I had therapy done on those muscles yesterday, and it didn’t hurt as much as it had in the fall (e.g. I wasn’t tempted to bite the therapist’s hand as she massaged my jaw!), so that’s a good sign.
Thanks for the prayers for my jaw and neck (the neck’s alignment directly affects the jaw). And though it’s good to know there’s nothing hugely wrong and the pain has been lessening, please keep the prayers coming if you feel so inclined as there is still some pain when I eat. I will head back to Botswana on Monday.
Back to the main reason for my trip to the States…I realized that I never shared about dad’s funeral/celebration service itself. It was a blessing to see so many family and friends from England, Chicago, Texas, Minnesota, other parts of Michigan. Fr. Darryl Pigeon and his wife Cynthia (who led our church and youth group in Lexington for 11 years) flew up from Texas. He helped officiate the service and gave one of the eulogies, sharing how dad had been his right-hand man during his years at our church, like how Epaphroditus was such a support (brother, fellow worker) for the apostle Paul. Pastor Mitch Olson from our current church also gave a nice eulogy, the most memorable part being when he joked that dad had been saying, “We just don’t get it!” regarding eternity…and five minutes later, he got it!
Before the service started, we showed a beautiful video montage of pictures of dad’s life. Ryan’s friend Ethan is a videographer, and he put it together the night before the service after we’d been busy finding and scanning pictures.
Another special part of the service was when a group of about 15-20 of us got up to sing, “It is Well with My Soul” in 4-part harmony. Mom, Dad’s sister Roni, Ryan, and I all sang as well. This impromptu choir was the idea of one of our friends who gathered together choir friends we’ve sung with from different churches to reunite to sing it. We had no rehearsal at all…but from what I could tell and what others said, it was beautiful. During communion, I played one of my own compositions on the piano. It was the first song I composed, back when I was 17, so dad heard it many times.
After a nice luncheon in which I caught up with some of my childhood friends, we drove up to Lexington Municipal Cemetery, where dad was buried. Mom, Ryan, and I had chosen a spot in the newest section the cemetery recently acquired, so his body is the first in the furthest west section under some beautiful old trees. So looking at his grave into the setting sun, you see the large tree trunks and then a field of wild grasses behind it. Dad loved and appreciated the beauty of nature, so it’s a perfect spot. At the burial, Pastor Mitch brought along his shofar (ram's horn trumpet) from Israel and blew it to honor dad. He's only blown it on a few very special occasions.
And on a more humorous note, when I was growing up, dad, when walking the dog by the cemetery or after the Memorial Day parades that ended with a service there, would point out the irony that next to the cemetery is a yellow road sign that reads “Dead End”! He always got a kick out of that, so we had a laugh knowing he is surely amused to be buried at the “Dead End” in Lexington.
A couple days after the funeral, I went into Meijer, one of dad’s favorite places to shop. As I walked in the door, I saw a big poster ad for Cedar Point, an amusement park with tons of roller coasters. I got excited thinking of the fun I’ve had there in the past and anticipating going there again someday, and then I remembered that I can’t go on roller coasters anymore because of my neck. Then I thought about how dad is gone…and I thought as I walked down the aisle that I could really get down if I focused on all the negative things—what I can’t do anymore, how dad is gone, etc.
Then just a minute or two later, I saw and picked up Daily Devotions Inspired by 90 Minutes in Heaven [a book]. Both dad and I had read that book last fall – it’s about a man, Don Piper, who miraculously survived a horrific car accident. I happened to open right to the entry entitled: The New Normal. Here are some excerpts:
“All of us have those times when [life changes drastically]. We can never go back to the old way—the “normal” behavior or circumstances. What had been normal becomes simply the way life used to be. Because we can’t go backward, the best we can do is to learn to accept our life as it is now, move forward, and discover a new kind of normal…All of us have those times when we look at what was and compare it with what is. Some of us have had to face that a number of times; others have a single experience that is as powerful a line of demarcation as the line between B.C. and A.D.
Because the old way—the old normal—is gone, we have to find a new one… My physical condition had made me a different person…Many physical activities I had taken for granted were no longer possible….We can never return to the way life was, even though we may cry out for it. Part of our happiness depends on accepting the new reality that we are now living. This is how I function now. I can make it the best phase of my life or I can refuse to accept to accept the changes. It’s up to me. But this much I can tell anyone: If we accept the new normal, life will be happier and easier.
Dear God, I may not like the things that have changed; I wish my life had not altered. But it has. Remind me that because you love me and are in control of my life, this phase of my life can be as good as or even better than the way life was before. Amen.”
Wow…so if that didn’t address EXACTLY what I had just been thinking, I don’t know what does! I didn’t buy the book at the time, but a few days later I decided I wanted to after all. And when I picked it up a few days later to buy it, I opened to this page about church members whose pastor had just died:
“They wanted explanations and I had to tell them, ‘Sometimes there are no explanations. Sometimes we have to trust God’s wisdom and timing, despite all the sorrow we face.’…I can’t explain why some people die in horrible accidents and others don’t. I don’t know why some good people die young and some wicked people live to be ninety. If we focus only on such events, we lose our perspective.
The proper perspective is that God loves us and is with us, even during the worst of times. There is an old story about the discouraged father who cried out to a pastor, ‘Where was God when my son died?’ The minister said, ‘The same place he was when his own son died.’
God is with us—all the time. We can focus on tragedy and ask, ‘Where was God?’ Or we can say, ‘God, this tragedy hurts. I’m in pain. Help me.’
When I spoke to the congregation in Arizona, I [asked]: ‘Do you think your pastor is sitting at the gate of heaven right now crying because he’s not here with you?’
‘No, I think he’s rejoicing in the presence of the Lord,’ someone said.
‘Absolutely right. So you don’t need to weep for him. Weep for your loss, cry because you miss him, but don’t weep for him.’”
That reminds me of how the day after the funeral, I heard the song “I Will Rise” by Chris Tomlin for the first time I really remember (listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bms0ZiM_KG0&feature=fvst), and when it reached the soaring, ethereal bridge—“And I hear the voice of many angels sing, ‘Worthy is the Lamb’…”, I pictured dad in heaven just overwhelmed by God’s glory and love, just absolutely overcome and weeping in joyful awe, and I couldn’t contain my smile, nor the tears streaming down my face. I love how even death has no lasting victory over those whose hope is in Christ. I love my God. Some of dad’s last words were how we on earth just don’t get eternity, and I felt like now he would emphasize that and how we still on earth just don’t get how incomparably amazing heaven is… “No eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined what God has prepared for those who love him” (1 Cor. 2:9). So dad is loving every minute. We can be sad because we miss him, but surely not sad for him.
Here are some excerpts from a journal entry a week after dad’s funeral that I wrote on the beach in the spot where I often go to think and pray, and where God called me to Botswana:
Death is the last enemy to be defeated and Lord how I look forward to the day when death is no more and it is swallowed up in life. And while I think that would be comforting to dad whose life was shorter than most [in USA], I am reminded that he does not need to be comforted. He is experiencing that death-swallowing victorious life right now. He is not sad that he couldn’t live 20 more years on earth now. He does not feel robbed or cheated—He is just in inexplicable, true, all-satisfying bliss, worshipping You in perpetual awe and wonder. Would he want to come back now if he could? I highly doubt it. The things God has planned for those who love Him are beyond our comprehension – “We just don’t get it” but now dad does!
Since Christ is the firstborn from the dead and opened the way of resurrection to us, we know that dad got immediate entrance into the presence of the Lord in all His glory, and one day he will get his perfect glorified body when Jesus returns to earth. Perhaps back in Jesus’ day, it was more appealing to Lazarus to return to earth, but now I’d say it would horrible to send someone back to a fractured, broken, fallen world after they have tasted the unparalleled joy of heaven and heard the music around the throne. And so I know dad is loving it, and in terms of eternity, this is just a tiny separation before we will be reunited once more FOREVER & EVER.
I will continue by God’s strength on the path He has led me down—the call to missions He whispered here in this spot 8 years to the day before I learned of dad’s death. God is faithful. He is good. His grace is sufficient. His call irrevocable. And so I will press on, running the race He’s set before me. Indomitable through Christ.
I love you, Lord. Thank You for Your faithfulness. Thank you for being my Father. I will surely miss my earthly father more and more, and Lord, I pray that You will fill in the hole with Your embrace as my Heavenly Father. I’ve never known life without dad—please help me as I walk this new, difficult road and get used to “The New Normal.” Thank You that You will never leave me nor forsake me—that You are the Father to the fatherless and protector of widows. I love You. Keep drawing me close…help me mourn and grieve “well,” in Your arms. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Thank You for being constant
No matter what happens
However big the change
You are unchanging
You are constant
Constantly faithful
Constantly beautiful
Constantly with me
I used the phrase “Indomitable through Christ” in that journal entry because in the week after dad died, I heard my aunt read that word and it just jumped out at me. I had an idea of what it meant, but I asked her just in case. My suspicions were confirmed… she said something to the effect of not being overcome or beaten down even when so much is against you. Here's a dictionary definition: Incapable of being overcome, subdued, or vanquished; unconquerable. I wrote this in an email to a friend:
We are indomitable through Christ. Amen? Amen! No matter what trials, suffering, temptations, evil darts of the enemy...deaths of loved ones, car accidents, health problems, etc...if we are in Christ, even those things cannot defeat us. And if we do die, as dad did, we go to be with Him FOREVER.
A song I heard for the first time at the concert mom and I went to on June 25 is “Our God” by Chris Tomlin. As I heard it live, it just resonated in my heart as a triumphant declaration that captures this concept of having an indomitable spirit through Christ. I absolutely LOVE this song. Listen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlA5IDnpGhc
Into the darkness You shine
Out of the ashes we rise
There’s no one like You
None like You
CHORUS
Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…
BRIDGE
And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
What can stand against?
It is largely based on Romans 8:31-39, which was in my daily bible reading plan on Tuesday. Then the next day, yesterday, in the airport as I was sitting at the gate, I happened to look up and read the shirt of a woman walking past me. Her shirt read, in all caps: INDOMITABLE SPIRIT
!!!
Our God is greater!
Blessings, and thanks for all the prayers and encouragement!
~Em
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