Dumelang!
Greetings all! Well, remember last time how I said I have no official ministry these couple weeks? Well, God apparently likes setting up “unofficial ministry” opportunities. Just five days after God opened up the door to share the gospel with the boys who overheard me worshipping atop the highest hill in Mochudi, the Lord set up another divine appointment in the capital city, Gaborone…
Another Divine Appointment!
I was waiting to get my Botswana Driver’s License for hours and decided to leave the busy waiting room and sit in the lobby area of the high rise office building. A few minutes later while I was reading a book, a businessman came up to me out of the blue and asked if I might possibly have something to say that could encourage him during a hard time. He went on to explain the problem he was facing, and asked if there was anything I could share with him to help him focus on God and realize that God can bring good out of difficult things. I thought, Um…yeah, it’s kind of the story of my life lately! I pulled out my mp3 player which has a photo album on it entitled “Triumph out of Tragedy,” with photos detailing my accident/recovery. Over the course of the next half hour, I was able to share all about the accident, recovery, extending mercy in court, etc and how God can bring beauty from the ashes. Later, I shared about losing my dad and how God’s grace has proven sufficient even after that.
I gave him a little booklet YFC makes that explains more about the gospel and has a form he can fill out to receive the discipleship bible study course. He said he wants to get focused on God, to buy a bible and read it, to pray, to go to a Christian church (he’d been going to a Baha’i Faith center off and on lately), to be a man of God. He wants to really know right from wrong, and do what is right. If that wasn’t a divine appointment, I don’t know what is!
It’s cool to realize that even that conversation was another way God was bringing beauty from the ashes of our accident. Jessica’s mom Cindy thanked me for sharing the story of talking with this businessman, saying, “I was telling Kjel just this afternoon that I still struggle with making any sense out of Jess not being here. It helps SO much to read that God is using what sometimes feels like too much pain in my own life to bring glory to Himself and to bring people into a closer walk with Him.”
Since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses…
Going back a bit, there’s still more from the youth leader conference in South Africa that I wanted to share. When I got back from the conference, I read an email from my aunt Roni (Dad’s sister) in England in response to my previous blog post. I had mentioned in that post how I had written a letter to one of the Canadian short-term volunteers encouraging her with Hebrews 12:1-2 [“Since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses…let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfector of our faith”] and to have a marathon mentality in this race of faith…and amazingly, she had written me a letter that same night also quoting Hebrews 12:1-2 and telling me that my work here is a marathon! Well, turns out my aunt Roni had just been preparing a lesson for family church on Hebrews 11-12, but focusing on Hebrews 12:1-2!
When I read Roni’s email telling me that, I recalled how at the conference, they had shown us a short film based on Hebrews 12:1-2 and how the “great cloud of witnesses” cheering us on as we run our race is made up of those heroes of the faith listed in Hebrews 11, but also the great heroes of the faith in our own lives who have gone on to heaven ahead of us. They are cheering for us, “Come on! Don’t quit! It’s worth every effort you make! You can do this by the grace of God! Keep running!”
Then after we watched that short film as part of a silent reflective journey where we went to several rooms/stations to reflect on things, journal, read quotes, I went into a room where there was a paper about 30 feet long where they had drawn circles for faces where we could write in some of the “great cloud of witnesses” and share a bit about them. Many people were writing in loved ones who had died. Here is what I wrote, through tears that came as I wrote:
My Dad – he just joined the great cloud of witnesses in heaven 2 months ago. I know he’s proud and cheering loud, as God provides the grace for me to keep running the race He set before me. My dad supported my calling to missions in Botswana. The last time I saw him was when he “gave me away” on Valentine’s Day to leave home and follow the call of my Beloved to Botswana. He always supported my following God’s call, even if it meant saying goodbye…for now.
So yeah, that is something I had just realized that week—I don’t know if I’ll ever get married where Dad would’ve given me away to the bridegroom, but I’d realized that Dad seeing me off to Botswana was, in essence, his “giving me away” to my Beloved [Christ] and entrusting me to His care here. On Valentine’s Day, no less. When my former youth pastor had written on my facebook, “so the Father is flying out his girl on Valentine’s Day, huh? How perfectly poetic!”, Dad had written to me that her comment made him teary eyed as reality was dawning that I’d be leaving.
Obviously, Dad had known for years I would be leaving and he had “given me away” to the Lord in his heart. I can still remember vividly a very meaningful conversation with Dad when I was 19, after I had just told my parents how I felt called to be a long-term missionary in Botswana. He said, “I hope you weren’t afraid to tell us what you feel God is calling you to do. As we see it, you were a gift from God, and we’re just giving you back.” So in his heart, he had already entrusted me to Christ’s care, but the day that he actually finally had to say goodbye and see me off to Botswana was Valentine’s Day. So, in a way, Dad did “give me away” to my true Bridegroom on Valentine’s Day...and now we know it was truly saying goodbye until we meet again in the Kingdom of Heaven. But for being the last time I saw him, it is pretty poetic, isn’t it? And my Beloved is indeed caring for me here in Botswana. Always faithful. In good times and bad. In sickness and in health. Until death …brings us closer—for death will NOT part us. Nothing can. Amen.
My first day back at the internet after the conference in South Africa, I got the email from my aunt about Hebrews 12:1-2 and emailed her back to tell her how Hebrews 12:1-2 had come up at the conference too. Right after that email, I drove home and one of my housemates Katie (not knowing I had just been writing/thinking about Heb. 12:1-2) showed me the craft poster that the kids at the daycare holiday program made that day—they had made footprints with paint and painted Hebrews 12:1 on it! It’s cool to see the ways that God is encouraging us to keep running with perseverance the race that is set before us.
An Epic Journey…brass bands and baboons!
Speaking of running with perseverance, Saturday I set out on a long run. I ran to one of my favorite spots along the river, where I can sit on a low-lying branch and pray/reflect. Then I walked a bit further along the footpaths to another spot I like to sit, where I saw my four-foot lizard friend again. I have learned that it is a monitor lizard, meaning a mix between a massive iguana, snake, and crocodile. Seeing as how he has been there by that same spot in the river the three times I’ve been there, I think it’s safe to say it is the same lizard. This means I should give him a name. Any suggestions?
Then after exploring other trails, I made it back to the juncture where I could go back home. I had been gone over 45 minutes at this point and was about 15 minutes from home. But I heard the sounds of a marching band in the distance…and it beckoned me to discover more trails by ‘following the music’. So I set off on little footpaths in the direction of the brass sounds and drums. This part of the village is just nature/bush with little footpaths (no roads, no houses). I kept going, encountering goats and cows along the way. The music was getting louder. Then I made it to the river again…and found a safe place to cross on some huge pipes that had been piled up to form a bridge. I could hear I was very close at this point…Sure enough, I discovered the band playing outside at a church. I walked by, and they invited me to come in and sit next to the band to listen.
It was a band made up of all ages…of about 20 brass instruments (tubas, baritones, trumpets, trombone), a bass drum, a snare drum, and a healthy contingent of tambourine tappers. I was impressed to see that most of them did not have music in front of them…and those that did, only had solfege letters written [ie. S D RM …= So Dol Re Mi]. The director was instructing the tubas on their part and he sang it in solfege for them. In my music major opinion, that takes way more musical insight and aptitude to play by solfege…having to always think in the particular key what note is which solfege symbol…instead of just seeing notes in front of them. I guess I wasn’t expecting to encounter something like this in a village in Africa.
On my journey back home, I wasn’t able to retrace my steps because I forget all the twists and turns, but I knew the general direction to head through the bush section…and in so doing, I saw 3 baboons! Those were the first baboons I have seen in the wild here in Mochudi. I’ve seen some monkeys, but these were bigger. Sweetness! Soon afterwards, I recognized where I was, and headed home the way I usually take. This involved responding to the “Emily!” shouts from my little friends who I say hi to each time as I pass their house. I usually stop and high-five them, but they were at the neighbors’ yard and yelled and waved from there. Their names are Rose, Lame (pronounced Lah-may, not Lame!!), Tumisang, and Botho. Then as I kept running, a little while further down the road the kids, as usual, yelled “Emily!” and came running out to the road to meet me smiling and excited, and so we ran together for a few minutes as is their joyous custom (they giggle and laugh most of the time, which makes me smile too). Yesterday was just 3 kids, but some days it is six barefoot kids ranging from 5-10 years old.
One day whilst running with my barefoot “posse” of 6, we passed an older man smoking. He smiled, noting my excellent posse, and said, “Shapo, Mama” which means “It’s all good, Mama!”. That made me smile as well. Who knew when I came to Botswana I would become a mama? That’s what they call you if you are female, even without children. And that my name is now Lekgoa [white person]. Every time I go running, I hear from the yards little voices excitingly yelling, “Lekgoa!! Lekgoa!! How are you?” One time, another YFC volunteer was told by a little child, “Your name…is Lekgoa.” Awesome. One day I was walking in town along the sidewalk in Mochudi, when a young man in his 20s coming towards me started doing a jive dance and chanting “Lekgoa! Lekgoa!” If only I could re-enact his jive for you…it was amazing. Now that the kids are getting to know my name, more often I’m hearing “Emily!! Emily!!” instead of “Lekgoa! Lekgoa!” when I go running. Earlier this week while running with about 5 kids a few minutes from their house, another kid came running down an adjoining path towards us, yelling “Emily!” and joining the posse.
After the adventurous run, I spoke at our Coffee Bar drop-in center Saturday night about AIDS and abstinence. I will share more about that in a future post, including how we’ve given Coffee Bar a new name.
Blessings until next time!
~Em
Monday, September 6, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Singing and Sharing Christ!
Greetings all!
Lots of cool stories to share! One of the most exciting happened the other day, but first I’ll back up and share some other things. I left Friday the 13th to drive to the YFC conference center in Magaliesberg, South Africa with three other YFC Botswana staff for a weekend youth leader conference. It was a great, rejuvenating trip and I hope to share more in a future post about how it was meaningful to me spiritually.
The day after the conference in South Africa, Monday the 16th, we started a Youth Week camp at a church an hour away from Mochudi. It was every night last week, ending with a youth service Sunday morning. We, the YFC staff/volunteers, each took turns leading the program for a night (choosing songs, memory verse, games, bible quiz, and giving the talk). My night was Thursday, though all week I helped lead worship along with E.J., the national director. It was the first time I’ve gotten to use my guitar plugged into a sound system, so that was cool. My talk was on the Holy Spirit and sanctification (growing more and more like Christ). For part of it, I shared about how the Holy Spirit had led me to be a “messenger of mercy” and extend mercy in court to the man who caused our accident. The outreach camp went really well, and we can tell that the youth were impacted and learned a lot.
Last week I also organized a planning meeting for the abstinence club we have the go-ahead to start at the Senior Secondary School in Mochudi. Tomorrow we will meet again to continue planning the curriculum. The teacher from the school who I met with a couple weeks back is coming to these meetings, as well as two local young men who are graduates from that school and were both volunteers with Face the Nation, the AIDS prevention programme started by the church I attend in Gaborone that just finished working in that school (and every senior secondary school in the country). So it’s great to have all their input and insight in creating the curriculum to help encourage abstinence and support the 300+ students who made commitments to sexually abstain from now until their marriage and be faithful to their spouse in marriage.
Yesterday, Twila [a new YFC volunteer/housemate from Canada] and I went to a government meeting for all the NGOs [non-governmental organizations] in this district who are working to fight AIDS. We learned the latest statistics on the situation in our district and how we can work together collaboratively to address the needs here. One presenter said, “We can expect and desire that Youth for Christ will be working to promote abstinence…and not just telling youth to abstain, but helping them develop life-skills to be able to abstain.” Amen, sister. We’re on it!
And finally, it’s time for the best story! On Saturday, I felt I should go and pray on top of the lookout point in Mochudi, near the chief’s house and office [yes, there is tribal leadership here – a hereditary chief and his headman]. Anyway, I have been trying to go up to the lookout point once a week to pray for the people of Mochudi, especially the youth. However, this time, I felt like I should take my guitar and just worship God on the “mountain” [it’s like a craggy hill/cliff thing, but “mountain” is easier]. I’d never done that, and I thought, “Really, Lord? You want me to sing/worship up there?”, not knowing who might be around during this busy weekend of a traditional cultural ritual going on by the chief’s office [the women were being officially initiated into the tribe after weeks of initiation school where they do lots of traditional rituals. This hasn’t been done for decades here in Mochudi, but the new chief is reviving it again]. But I felt like I was supposed to go with my guitar anyway, so I grabbed it, drove there, and parked by the chief’s office. There was no one really around (I found out later that the big initiation ceremony had already happened earlier that day). I hiked up the “mountain” and just stood there overlooking Mochudi, singing songs to the King of kings and Lord of lords.
I played and sang for awhile, slightly amused by the donkeys rolling around on the path down below (scratching their backs?!). After I got done singing “How Great is Our God,” I was surprised to hear clapping coming from the rocks to my left. I bent down to see two boys sitting in the cleft of a massive rock, who had evidently been there listening for awhile. I smiled and said hi, but felt I should just keep worshipping, so I continued. A couple songs later, the boys crawled up behind me on the rocks and sat to listen. I introduced myself and learned their names—Moses and Laone, brothers. I asked if they wanted me to keep singing? Yes! So I sang another worship song or two and felt led to just start talking to them.
“I’ve been singing songs to Modimo [God] and Jesu [Jesus]. Do you know Modimo…or Jesus?” They said not really, or not well. I asked, “Would you like to know Modimo more…to know more about Jesu?” They both replied, “Yes.” I was kind of stunned for a second with this opportunity that just fell into my lap, but I was like, “Ok then..well…Modimo created the whole world, including you and me…”
And I went on for several minutes explaining the message of the gospel. I had some paper so I could draw out things to help them understand and read verses to them from my bible. We talked about what it means to repent, to truly trust in Christ, to let Him be Lord of your life, etc. I explained how just going to church and doing good things can’t restore a close relationship with God…only trusting in Christ and accepting His work on the cross can bring us close to God.
I felt I should ask them where they feel they are spiritually in regard to Christ. Moses, the older brother, said that he feels like he’s kinda in the middle—he hasn’t ever really trusted in Christ, though he goes to church. I told him if he ever wants to, to become a Christian, he can sincerely pray to God and trust Him and accept His forgiveness. I sort of demonstrated a prayer he could pray to God to start the journey of following Him. I made sure to emphasize that praying a prayer like that is not the end, but just the beginning of a life lived with God where he can follow His plans and will for him.
I felt I should ask him if he wants to trust Christ? He replied, “Yes I want to trust Christ.” I continued, “And let Him be Lord of your life, like the kgosi [chief], where you do what He says…read the bible and follow what it says?” “Yes.” I could sense his sincerity.
Again, I was kind of at a loss for words for a second and felt like I should ask if what I had said in that demonstrated prayer was what he felt he wanted to pray to God? Did it express what he felt in his heart? “Yes.” Ok…! so I asked, “Do you want me to just pray that again and you can repeat it after me?” Both brothers enthusiastically nodded and said yes. Ok…! So I led them in a prayer on top of the “mountain”!
I learned they were 12 and 15 years old and go to a solid biblical church here in Mochudi. I explained where our YFC office is (right near their church!) so they can stop by and we’ll connect them with our follow-up discipleship bible study program. I encouraged them to talk to God (pray), keep going to church, to read the bible (which they have at home), and to stop by YFC on Saturday nights for our coffee bar program as well. What an amazing experience! As someone told me last night, it was like another divine appointment. God is so cool.
To be honest, that’s not normally my “style” in terms of evangelism. True I’ve had several spiritual conversations with strangers in random places over the years…on airplanes [the first spiritual conversation I had with a stranger was a 3-hour one with a Pakistani Muslim on a plane, and he was the one who kept asking more questions about Jesus!], hiking volcanoes/mountains, in taxis/buses, on Mayan ruins, in a Botswana government meeting, etc, but I normally don’t feel led to lead people in a prayer to give their lives to God right then and there because I want to be sure they are sincere and not feeling pressured or coerced in any way to say yes to pray. Making a commitment to trust Christ and follow Him is not a light, casual thing. So honestly, I have hardly ever prayed with someone on the spot like that.
But with these brothers, it just felt like the Lord had been preparing them and they were sincerely ready…like fruit that was about to fall off the tree and I just happened to be in the right place at the right time to catch it. Even from the first time I saw them in the cleft of the rock just listening to the worship songs, I felt like I needed to just keep singing because the Holy Spirit was working in them through the music…and I would eventually talk with them. And that’s how it turned out. Beautiful. How great is our God!
Well, this week and next are much more relaxed…no official ministry because the schools are on break. So I’m looking forward to some longer runs (last run I saw 6 donkeys, 2 ducks, about 45 cows, and the same 4-foot lizard by the river!) and some more time to relax, process, and reflect.
Thanks for reading. Hope you are well.
Blessings,
Em
Lots of cool stories to share! One of the most exciting happened the other day, but first I’ll back up and share some other things. I left Friday the 13th to drive to the YFC conference center in Magaliesberg, South Africa with three other YFC Botswana staff for a weekend youth leader conference. It was a great, rejuvenating trip and I hope to share more in a future post about how it was meaningful to me spiritually.
The day after the conference in South Africa, Monday the 16th, we started a Youth Week camp at a church an hour away from Mochudi. It was every night last week, ending with a youth service Sunday morning. We, the YFC staff/volunteers, each took turns leading the program for a night (choosing songs, memory verse, games, bible quiz, and giving the talk). My night was Thursday, though all week I helped lead worship along with E.J., the national director. It was the first time I’ve gotten to use my guitar plugged into a sound system, so that was cool. My talk was on the Holy Spirit and sanctification (growing more and more like Christ). For part of it, I shared about how the Holy Spirit had led me to be a “messenger of mercy” and extend mercy in court to the man who caused our accident. The outreach camp went really well, and we can tell that the youth were impacted and learned a lot.
Last week I also organized a planning meeting for the abstinence club we have the go-ahead to start at the Senior Secondary School in Mochudi. Tomorrow we will meet again to continue planning the curriculum. The teacher from the school who I met with a couple weeks back is coming to these meetings, as well as two local young men who are graduates from that school and were both volunteers with Face the Nation, the AIDS prevention programme started by the church I attend in Gaborone that just finished working in that school (and every senior secondary school in the country). So it’s great to have all their input and insight in creating the curriculum to help encourage abstinence and support the 300+ students who made commitments to sexually abstain from now until their marriage and be faithful to their spouse in marriage.
Yesterday, Twila [a new YFC volunteer/housemate from Canada] and I went to a government meeting for all the NGOs [non-governmental organizations] in this district who are working to fight AIDS. We learned the latest statistics on the situation in our district and how we can work together collaboratively to address the needs here. One presenter said, “We can expect and desire that Youth for Christ will be working to promote abstinence…and not just telling youth to abstain, but helping them develop life-skills to be able to abstain.” Amen, sister. We’re on it!
And finally, it’s time for the best story! On Saturday, I felt I should go and pray on top of the lookout point in Mochudi, near the chief’s house and office [yes, there is tribal leadership here – a hereditary chief and his headman]. Anyway, I have been trying to go up to the lookout point once a week to pray for the people of Mochudi, especially the youth. However, this time, I felt like I should take my guitar and just worship God on the “mountain” [it’s like a craggy hill/cliff thing, but “mountain” is easier]. I’d never done that, and I thought, “Really, Lord? You want me to sing/worship up there?”, not knowing who might be around during this busy weekend of a traditional cultural ritual going on by the chief’s office [the women were being officially initiated into the tribe after weeks of initiation school where they do lots of traditional rituals. This hasn’t been done for decades here in Mochudi, but the new chief is reviving it again]. But I felt like I was supposed to go with my guitar anyway, so I grabbed it, drove there, and parked by the chief’s office. There was no one really around (I found out later that the big initiation ceremony had already happened earlier that day). I hiked up the “mountain” and just stood there overlooking Mochudi, singing songs to the King of kings and Lord of lords.
I played and sang for awhile, slightly amused by the donkeys rolling around on the path down below (scratching their backs?!). After I got done singing “How Great is Our God,” I was surprised to hear clapping coming from the rocks to my left. I bent down to see two boys sitting in the cleft of a massive rock, who had evidently been there listening for awhile. I smiled and said hi, but felt I should just keep worshipping, so I continued. A couple songs later, the boys crawled up behind me on the rocks and sat to listen. I introduced myself and learned their names—Moses and Laone, brothers. I asked if they wanted me to keep singing? Yes! So I sang another worship song or two and felt led to just start talking to them.
“I’ve been singing songs to Modimo [God] and Jesu [Jesus]. Do you know Modimo…or Jesus?” They said not really, or not well. I asked, “Would you like to know Modimo more…to know more about Jesu?” They both replied, “Yes.” I was kind of stunned for a second with this opportunity that just fell into my lap, but I was like, “Ok then..well…Modimo created the whole world, including you and me…”
And I went on for several minutes explaining the message of the gospel. I had some paper so I could draw out things to help them understand and read verses to them from my bible. We talked about what it means to repent, to truly trust in Christ, to let Him be Lord of your life, etc. I explained how just going to church and doing good things can’t restore a close relationship with God…only trusting in Christ and accepting His work on the cross can bring us close to God.
I felt I should ask them where they feel they are spiritually in regard to Christ. Moses, the older brother, said that he feels like he’s kinda in the middle—he hasn’t ever really trusted in Christ, though he goes to church. I told him if he ever wants to, to become a Christian, he can sincerely pray to God and trust Him and accept His forgiveness. I sort of demonstrated a prayer he could pray to God to start the journey of following Him. I made sure to emphasize that praying a prayer like that is not the end, but just the beginning of a life lived with God where he can follow His plans and will for him.
I felt I should ask him if he wants to trust Christ? He replied, “Yes I want to trust Christ.” I continued, “And let Him be Lord of your life, like the kgosi [chief], where you do what He says…read the bible and follow what it says?” “Yes.” I could sense his sincerity.
Again, I was kind of at a loss for words for a second and felt like I should ask if what I had said in that demonstrated prayer was what he felt he wanted to pray to God? Did it express what he felt in his heart? “Yes.” Ok…! so I asked, “Do you want me to just pray that again and you can repeat it after me?” Both brothers enthusiastically nodded and said yes. Ok…! So I led them in a prayer on top of the “mountain”!
I learned they were 12 and 15 years old and go to a solid biblical church here in Mochudi. I explained where our YFC office is (right near their church!) so they can stop by and we’ll connect them with our follow-up discipleship bible study program. I encouraged them to talk to God (pray), keep going to church, to read the bible (which they have at home), and to stop by YFC on Saturday nights for our coffee bar program as well. What an amazing experience! As someone told me last night, it was like another divine appointment. God is so cool.
To be honest, that’s not normally my “style” in terms of evangelism. True I’ve had several spiritual conversations with strangers in random places over the years…on airplanes [the first spiritual conversation I had with a stranger was a 3-hour one with a Pakistani Muslim on a plane, and he was the one who kept asking more questions about Jesus!], hiking volcanoes/mountains, in taxis/buses, on Mayan ruins, in a Botswana government meeting, etc, but I normally don’t feel led to lead people in a prayer to give their lives to God right then and there because I want to be sure they are sincere and not feeling pressured or coerced in any way to say yes to pray. Making a commitment to trust Christ and follow Him is not a light, casual thing. So honestly, I have hardly ever prayed with someone on the spot like that.
But with these brothers, it just felt like the Lord had been preparing them and they were sincerely ready…like fruit that was about to fall off the tree and I just happened to be in the right place at the right time to catch it. Even from the first time I saw them in the cleft of the rock just listening to the worship songs, I felt like I needed to just keep singing because the Holy Spirit was working in them through the music…and I would eventually talk with them. And that’s how it turned out. Beautiful. How great is our God!
Well, this week and next are much more relaxed…no official ministry because the schools are on break. So I’m looking forward to some longer runs (last run I saw 6 donkeys, 2 ducks, about 45 cows, and the same 4-foot lizard by the river!) and some more time to relax, process, and reflect.
Thanks for reading. Hope you are well.
Blessings,
Em
Thursday, August 12, 2010
God's at work! Birth of a Prayer Movement!
Hello all!
Lots of good stuff to report! I will go back and finish up what I was sharing last time about how God was encouraging me in the midst of lots of challenges and trials.
The day that I found out my clothes were stolen after my car effectively died the night before (Sunday July 25--the day I almost broke into tears in the grocery store), I wrote this in my journal:
I was thinking how so much has been stripped away…Dad, Ken, my car (and therefore convenience, independence), my clothes, my health, etc…so that I really only can hope, trust, depend and find comfort in God…It’s almost as if I’m finding out if God is enough to satisfy me…Things I usually ‘count on’ are no longer guaranteed…the only stable secure thing is God and His love.
Then later that day, after I was in tears, I read my daily devotional and that day’s entry was entitled: “God is Enough” and all about how in the midst of trials we can trust Him to be sufficient!
The next day, as I shared briefly last post, I was able to secure the ability to lead an abstinence club at the local high school in Mochudi. I found out later that YFC has never had a club at that school! My second day back from the States in mid-July, I went over to the school to meet with the Face the Nation [AIDS prevention programme] volunteers for whom I’d been a prayer partner during the 5-week abstinence curriculum they taught at the school. They texted me just 20 minutes before they would be leaving the school on their last day there. So I hopped in my car to be able to see them again before they left and hopefully meet the guidance/counseling staff with whom I would need to talk to get permission to start the abstinence club. In that short time, I did get to meet and exchange contact info with the key staff person, who even prayed with us as we held hands in a circle in her office.
I also contacted another teacher that Face the Nation had connected me with, who wants to help in running an abstinence club. The teacher told me the sobering fact that just in this last term (3 months long) there have been 9 pregnancies at that school, so this club is sorely needed. This teacher is the one I mentioned who has a Masters in HIV/AIDS management and who is translating our materials into Braille for the blind students. I went to the school last week to meet with her, and we are going to meet again next week to adapt/create the curriculum to better fit the students there. She has been asking students what they think will be most effective for a club. Meanwhile, I’ve been researching on the internet and in other approaches to see what we can do for curriculum.
The next day after calling the guidance/counseling teacher to secure the ability to do the abstinence club, Tuesday July 27, I was invited to share with the Canadian short-term team the testimony of how I was called to Botswana and about the accident/recovery and speaking in court. So I was grateful for the opportunity to give a powerpoint presentation to share about God’s “amazing-ness” and redemptive Hand.
That night, I felt led to write a letter to one particular Canadian team member, as the team would be leaving the next day. It turns out she also felt led to write me a letter that night, so the next day we exchanged them at the same time. I read her letter to me later that afternoon after we’d dropped them at the airport. I was blown away by what I read – it was like a mirror image of what I had written to her! Here is part of what I wrote to her:
“It’s a long race this life…it’s not a sprint. You have to have a marathon mentality. Do marathon runners just wake up one day and run a marathon without training? No…they would not be able to finish for lack of conditioning. Likewise, the Lord is preparing you to run with perseverance the race He’s set before you” [Hebrews 12:2].
Her letter, written the same night, included that same verse about running with perseverance the race He’s set before us, and she also included this:
“You are making a difference here! You are! But you are taking down a huge giant here—AIDS—and that’s not going to happen overnight, it will be a marathon. But if you train with God and walk by faith, you will be unstoppable (Hebrews 11).”
Crazy cool, eh? I emailed her when she got back to ask if she remembered what she wrote in hers, and she responded:
“Oh and about your letter...ya i totally remember what i wrote...it was like the same as yours! i was freakin out on the plane when i was reading it. Jehovah Sneaky :P”
I had told her about “Jehovah Sneaky” and now I shall acquaint you as well. You see, there are different names given to God in the Old Testament, like Jehovah Rapha (The God who Heals), Jehovah Jireh (The God who Provides), Jehovah Nissi (The Lord is my Banner), etc…and “Jehovah Sneaky” is another name I like to call God when He does crazy cool, loving things you weren’t expecting :), i.e. the same day we read the letters, “Jehovah Sneaky” had also been at work prompting one of the Canadians to anonymously pay for my new car battery.
A couple nights later, I didn’t so much sleep…for a beautiful reason—the first All-Night Interdenominational Prayer Meeting here at the YFC office! At points there were upwards of 70 people praising and praying to God; 25 people stayed the whole time from 10pm - 6 am!! It was the kick-start of an interdenominational prayer movement that will meet here at YFC regularly. It is definitely a "God-thing"... one of the other YFC staff, Maruping, who just came on staff before I had to go back to the US for Dad’s funeral, organized it while I was in the States without my knowledge and without knowing that I had been journaling and praying about starting the same thing! Also, he felt we should continue the prayer movement on Sunday nights at the office...the same night and place I had journaled about! Meanwhile, the YFC director's wife said she felt the time is now for an interdenominational, intergenerational prayer movement here to unify the churches.
So we are excited about what the Lord is doing here! I helped lead worship for part of the All-Night of Prayer, but honestly I was not needed—local Batswana led worship for most of it and sang their hearts out to God. We spent several hours praising and worshipping God, heard preaching from a pastor followed by prayer for people, and then we all united in intercession. We prayed for the youth here, the political leaders, the church leaders that they would be kingdom-minded, for unity among the churches, for each other and our families, etc. Maruping even led a time of prayer for the Jewish people and the peace of Jerusalem. It was a beautiful and exciting time.
I had actually first found out about it on the preceding Sunday (the rough day that my clothes were stolen and I was sick) when I had attended a local church here in Mochudi with the Canadian short-term team. The church made an announcement in the service about an All-Night of Prayer to be held the upcoming Friday at Youth for Christ offices! It was to pave the way for creating a sustained prayer movement in this area.
The first of those Sunday night prayer meetings was last week (August 8), and we feel this is a prayer movement that should only stop when Jesus returns. We are praying for these meetings to gain momentum and bring unity to the Body of Christ here. One exciting thing to share about the first meeting was that two teenage girls had been walking by and felt drawn to come in…we found out afterwards that they weren’t yet followers of Christ, but they were seeking to know more and learn how they could follow Him! So while Maruping was talking to them afterwards and praying with them, another attendee asked what ministry things I’m doing lately so I told him about starting the abstinence club at the local high school. Turns out, he used to be a Face the Nation volunteer and worked in that school (as well as attended it himself in his teens). He is willing to help with the abstinence club and counseling of teens there!
That same guy stopped by yesterday to tell me that he talked with a teacher at another school where I help lead Scripture Union club, and shared that perhaps YFC can hold a training so the various club leaders at surrounding schools can all come and be equipped on how to lead their own peer-counseling and abstinence clubs. Wow…so that’s cool. Way to think strategically to reach the most youth – train and equip the student leaders from several schools! I honestly don’t know what exactly at this point we would share with them, but he also mentioned that there’s a research agency in town who would be willing to partner with us and possibly provide material and statistics!
The doors of opportunity keep flying open! I need discernment now to be sure I’m choosing the right things to get involved in so I don’t bite off more than I can chew. But that’s a great problem to have…and we just need to pray for God to raise up more volunteers and staff. The fields are ripe for the harvest, but the labourers are few. It is encouraging though to see this guy rising up with such eagerness and willingness to help. He also was one of the lead singers during the whole night of prayer.
Someone sent me a message the other day saying that she was going to pray “that God will send someone alongside you to help you with your work.” I read that yesterday, the day this guy brought up the idea of having trainings for club leaders and expressed his willingness to do whatever he can to help. Then today, Maruping told me that a guy walking past the office told him he wants to get involved—and he too used to be a Face the Nation volunteer! He’s going to stop by and talk to me soon! Amen!!
Tomorrow I am driving 5 hours to a YFC retreat center in Magaliesberg, South Africa with 3 YFC Botswana staff for a youth leader conference this weekend. We will return on Sunday. This will be my first long road trip in Africa, first time driving through a border post, and first time driving in South Africa. Interestingly enough, though, it will be my third time at this retreat center. It was where my mission trip to Botswana in 2004 started and ended! So I’m looking forward to being back there and reminiscing on the many things God taught me there and the journey that He has led me on since. Prayers for safe travels are most appreciated, and also for the Youth Week camp starting Monday for teenagers in a city adjoining the capital. I will give the message on Thursday night about the Holy Spirit and becoming more and more Christlike. Sweetness.
Ok I’m gonna go for a run. I saw a 4 foot lizard recently on a run down by the river! Creepy. Literally ;). Just now I heard rustling outside...a huge herd of goats was in the YFC office yard climbing up and eating leaves off our trees! Like a few days ago, I had to chase the goats out of the yard. Last time the goats were accompanied by 6 chickens too. That was a fun task 'herding' them out of the yard! You're welcome, people of Mochudi, for that spectacle!
Blessings,
Em
Lots of good stuff to report! I will go back and finish up what I was sharing last time about how God was encouraging me in the midst of lots of challenges and trials.
The day that I found out my clothes were stolen after my car effectively died the night before (Sunday July 25--the day I almost broke into tears in the grocery store), I wrote this in my journal:
I was thinking how so much has been stripped away…Dad, Ken, my car (and therefore convenience, independence), my clothes, my health, etc…so that I really only can hope, trust, depend and find comfort in God…It’s almost as if I’m finding out if God is enough to satisfy me…Things I usually ‘count on’ are no longer guaranteed…the only stable secure thing is God and His love.
Then later that day, after I was in tears, I read my daily devotional and that day’s entry was entitled: “God is Enough” and all about how in the midst of trials we can trust Him to be sufficient!
The next day, as I shared briefly last post, I was able to secure the ability to lead an abstinence club at the local high school in Mochudi. I found out later that YFC has never had a club at that school! My second day back from the States in mid-July, I went over to the school to meet with the Face the Nation [AIDS prevention programme] volunteers for whom I’d been a prayer partner during the 5-week abstinence curriculum they taught at the school. They texted me just 20 minutes before they would be leaving the school on their last day there. So I hopped in my car to be able to see them again before they left and hopefully meet the guidance/counseling staff with whom I would need to talk to get permission to start the abstinence club. In that short time, I did get to meet and exchange contact info with the key staff person, who even prayed with us as we held hands in a circle in her office.
I also contacted another teacher that Face the Nation had connected me with, who wants to help in running an abstinence club. The teacher told me the sobering fact that just in this last term (3 months long) there have been 9 pregnancies at that school, so this club is sorely needed. This teacher is the one I mentioned who has a Masters in HIV/AIDS management and who is translating our materials into Braille for the blind students. I went to the school last week to meet with her, and we are going to meet again next week to adapt/create the curriculum to better fit the students there. She has been asking students what they think will be most effective for a club. Meanwhile, I’ve been researching on the internet and in other approaches to see what we can do for curriculum.
The next day after calling the guidance/counseling teacher to secure the ability to do the abstinence club, Tuesday July 27, I was invited to share with the Canadian short-term team the testimony of how I was called to Botswana and about the accident/recovery and speaking in court. So I was grateful for the opportunity to give a powerpoint presentation to share about God’s “amazing-ness” and redemptive Hand.
That night, I felt led to write a letter to one particular Canadian team member, as the team would be leaving the next day. It turns out she also felt led to write me a letter that night, so the next day we exchanged them at the same time. I read her letter to me later that afternoon after we’d dropped them at the airport. I was blown away by what I read – it was like a mirror image of what I had written to her! Here is part of what I wrote to her:
“It’s a long race this life…it’s not a sprint. You have to have a marathon mentality. Do marathon runners just wake up one day and run a marathon without training? No…they would not be able to finish for lack of conditioning. Likewise, the Lord is preparing you to run with perseverance the race He’s set before you” [Hebrews 12:2].
Her letter, written the same night, included that same verse about running with perseverance the race He’s set before us, and she also included this:
“You are making a difference here! You are! But you are taking down a huge giant here—AIDS—and that’s not going to happen overnight, it will be a marathon. But if you train with God and walk by faith, you will be unstoppable (Hebrews 11).”
Crazy cool, eh? I emailed her when she got back to ask if she remembered what she wrote in hers, and she responded:
“Oh and about your letter...ya i totally remember what i wrote...it was like the same as yours! i was freakin out on the plane when i was reading it. Jehovah Sneaky :P”
I had told her about “Jehovah Sneaky” and now I shall acquaint you as well. You see, there are different names given to God in the Old Testament, like Jehovah Rapha (The God who Heals), Jehovah Jireh (The God who Provides), Jehovah Nissi (The Lord is my Banner), etc…and “Jehovah Sneaky” is another name I like to call God when He does crazy cool, loving things you weren’t expecting :), i.e. the same day we read the letters, “Jehovah Sneaky” had also been at work prompting one of the Canadians to anonymously pay for my new car battery.
A couple nights later, I didn’t so much sleep…for a beautiful reason—the first All-Night Interdenominational Prayer Meeting here at the YFC office! At points there were upwards of 70 people praising and praying to God; 25 people stayed the whole time from 10pm - 6 am!! It was the kick-start of an interdenominational prayer movement that will meet here at YFC regularly. It is definitely a "God-thing"... one of the other YFC staff, Maruping, who just came on staff before I had to go back to the US for Dad’s funeral, organized it while I was in the States without my knowledge and without knowing that I had been journaling and praying about starting the same thing! Also, he felt we should continue the prayer movement on Sunday nights at the office...the same night and place I had journaled about! Meanwhile, the YFC director's wife said she felt the time is now for an interdenominational, intergenerational prayer movement here to unify the churches.
So we are excited about what the Lord is doing here! I helped lead worship for part of the All-Night of Prayer, but honestly I was not needed—local Batswana led worship for most of it and sang their hearts out to God. We spent several hours praising and worshipping God, heard preaching from a pastor followed by prayer for people, and then we all united in intercession. We prayed for the youth here, the political leaders, the church leaders that they would be kingdom-minded, for unity among the churches, for each other and our families, etc. Maruping even led a time of prayer for the Jewish people and the peace of Jerusalem. It was a beautiful and exciting time.
I had actually first found out about it on the preceding Sunday (the rough day that my clothes were stolen and I was sick) when I had attended a local church here in Mochudi with the Canadian short-term team. The church made an announcement in the service about an All-Night of Prayer to be held the upcoming Friday at Youth for Christ offices! It was to pave the way for creating a sustained prayer movement in this area.
The first of those Sunday night prayer meetings was last week (August 8), and we feel this is a prayer movement that should only stop when Jesus returns. We are praying for these meetings to gain momentum and bring unity to the Body of Christ here. One exciting thing to share about the first meeting was that two teenage girls had been walking by and felt drawn to come in…we found out afterwards that they weren’t yet followers of Christ, but they were seeking to know more and learn how they could follow Him! So while Maruping was talking to them afterwards and praying with them, another attendee asked what ministry things I’m doing lately so I told him about starting the abstinence club at the local high school. Turns out, he used to be a Face the Nation volunteer and worked in that school (as well as attended it himself in his teens). He is willing to help with the abstinence club and counseling of teens there!
That same guy stopped by yesterday to tell me that he talked with a teacher at another school where I help lead Scripture Union club, and shared that perhaps YFC can hold a training so the various club leaders at surrounding schools can all come and be equipped on how to lead their own peer-counseling and abstinence clubs. Wow…so that’s cool. Way to think strategically to reach the most youth – train and equip the student leaders from several schools! I honestly don’t know what exactly at this point we would share with them, but he also mentioned that there’s a research agency in town who would be willing to partner with us and possibly provide material and statistics!
The doors of opportunity keep flying open! I need discernment now to be sure I’m choosing the right things to get involved in so I don’t bite off more than I can chew. But that’s a great problem to have…and we just need to pray for God to raise up more volunteers and staff. The fields are ripe for the harvest, but the labourers are few. It is encouraging though to see this guy rising up with such eagerness and willingness to help. He also was one of the lead singers during the whole night of prayer.
Someone sent me a message the other day saying that she was going to pray “that God will send someone alongside you to help you with your work.” I read that yesterday, the day this guy brought up the idea of having trainings for club leaders and expressed his willingness to do whatever he can to help. Then today, Maruping told me that a guy walking past the office told him he wants to get involved—and he too used to be a Face the Nation volunteer! He’s going to stop by and talk to me soon! Amen!!
Tomorrow I am driving 5 hours to a YFC retreat center in Magaliesberg, South Africa with 3 YFC Botswana staff for a youth leader conference this weekend. We will return on Sunday. This will be my first long road trip in Africa, first time driving through a border post, and first time driving in South Africa. Interestingly enough, though, it will be my third time at this retreat center. It was where my mission trip to Botswana in 2004 started and ended! So I’m looking forward to being back there and reminiscing on the many things God taught me there and the journey that He has led me on since. Prayers for safe travels are most appreciated, and also for the Youth Week camp starting Monday for teenagers in a city adjoining the capital. I will give the message on Thursday night about the Holy Spirit and becoming more and more Christlike. Sweetness.
Ok I’m gonna go for a run. I saw a 4 foot lizard recently on a run down by the river! Creepy. Literally ;). Just now I heard rustling outside...a huge herd of goats was in the YFC office yard climbing up and eating leaves off our trees! Like a few days ago, I had to chase the goats out of the yard. Last time the goats were accompanied by 6 chickens too. That was a fun task 'herding' them out of the yard! You're welcome, people of Mochudi, for that spectacle!
Blessings,
Em
Thursday, August 5, 2010
God is faithful, even when life's hard
Hi there,
So it’s been an interesting journey since I last wrote…but I think overall, it has strengthened my faith and determination. I’ll share all this to testify to God’s faithfulness and to perhaps encourage you, as I’ve been encouraged. The same week that I found out about the death of Ken, my dad’s best friend in England, my car wouldn’t start, I got a nasty cold, and a whole load of my laundry was stolen from the clothesline in our yard while I was at ministry (but while other housemates were home)! With all that on top of the backdrop of Dad’s death, it was a bit overwhelming all at once!
The day my clothes were stolen and it was certain that my car battery was dead, I had to buy food to cook the evening meal for everyone. Normally, I would hop in my car, but since it was dead, I walked. As I walked into town, the emotion of everything kind of hit me and I had to fight back tears. I was looking toward the hills in town and started singing this song based on Psalm 121 that I haven’t heard in years—“I lift my eyes up, up to the mountains, where does my help come from? My help comes from You, Maker of heaven, Creator of the earth. Oh how I need You Lord, You are my only prayer, You’re my only hope…”
As I stood in the check-out line in the supermarket, my thoughts went back to everything that was going wrong and I was on the verge of tears. At that moment, I saw a little boy walk by me whose shirt read, “Don’t Quit” and the perfect timing of that just seemed like a little encouragement from God. Minutes later in the other supermarket, again I was on the verge of tears…and then what came to mind was “Indomitable spirit” and how God has really been encouraging me with that perhaps to prepare me for these current trials.
I’ll give a quick recap and share how it has come up here in Botswana too—Just after Dad’s funeral, my aunt read something and the word “indomitable” jumped out at me. I wasn’t totally sure of its meaning, but she confirmed my thought that it means unable to be beaten down or conquered even when lots of bad things come against you. The dictionary puts it, “Incapable of being overcome, subdued, or vanquished; unconquerable.”
I wrote to a friend: “We are indomitable through Christ! No matter what trials, suffering, temptations, evil darts of the enemy...deaths to loved ones, car accidents, health problems, etc...if we are in Christ, even those things cannot defeat us. And if we do die, as Dad did, we go to be with God FOREVER.” A week later as I was sitting in the airport, I happened to look up and read the shirt of a woman walking by—in all caps, it read: INDOMITABLE SPIRIT.
Then the night I arrived back in Botswana a week later, a friend leant me a book about David Livingstone, the famous missionary who pioneered the work in Botswana. I happened to read where it mentioned that after some fellow missionary workers died, and later his beloved wife, he kept going—“His indomitable spirit rose...Livingstone remained steadfast, immovable and resolved to continue his work for the Lord.” In 1873, he wrote, “Nothing earthly will make me give up my work in despair. I encourage myself in the Lord my God, and go forward.”
So back in the grocery store in Mochudi last week, on the verge of tears when one thing after another had been going wrong, I remembered the indomitable spirit. I didn’t feel so indomitable or “more than a conqueror” (Romans 8:37) right then…I felt weak and like I was losing… and when I got home, I did have a good cry. Actually it was one of the most “down” times I’ve felt in my life where I just kept crying (not normal for me, but probably needed as part of the grief process). I was wondering what was going on with one difficult thing after another…and I hate to say it, but I was even wondering how it fits that God is my protector when all this was happening. Why wasn’t He defending me or preventing this?
In the midst of my tears, I realized that one of my housemates had left a chocolate bar with a note of encouragement for me on my desk. Then right around then, through my tears, I heard the song playing on the living room stereo, “Fix You” by Coldplay. I had just shown a video clip with that song as the soundtrack at the YFC Coffee Bar outreach a few days earlier of the 400m race at the 1992 Olympics when Derek Redmond’s hamstring tore 250 m into the race, and yet he was determined to finish, hobbling painfully along the track. Then out of the crowd, a large man pushed his way onto the track and came to Derek’s side to help him finish. This man was his father. Derek was crying and leaning on his father as they finished the race together.
The analogy there is to the heavenly Father who helps us finish the race that is set before us when we are hurting or feel too weak to do it on our own. So when I heard “Fix You” in that moment, I pictured that Olympic race and the father coming to help (like the heavenly Father coming to help me run my race). I fell to my knees in just weak dependence on my strong Father, crying tears overwhelmed by everything but also overwhelmed by His loving care. I need you; I can’t run this race without you…thank you for helping me when I am weak. You can watch the video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yz05WW8abX0
A bit later, I realized that “indomitable” doesn’t mean that things are not coming against you, but that they can’t affect your spirit or stop you from doing what the Lord has called you to do. It’s an indomitable SPIRIT through Christ. John 16:33 came to mind—“In this world, you will have trials and tribulations, but take heart, for I have overcome the world.” The spirit of the One who overcame is in me to overcome trials today. I remembered one of the things Dad had said to me shortly before I left home, “God will never give you more than you can handle.” I didn’t think of it then, but now I am reminded of this quote I heard the week before I left for Botswana back in February:
"The same everlasting Father who cares for you today, will take care of you tomorrow, and every day. Either He will shield you from suffering, or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace then, and put aside all anxious thought and imaginations." - Francis de Sales
Now in retrospect, I can see that the Enemy was using this time to try to discourage me and get me to question God’s faithfulness and goodness, and whether God was for me or against me in all this. As I was preparing dinner, I just felt like the Lord whispered to my heart, “Em, I’m on your side,” and I replied “I know” as the tears welled up again…Tears for entertaining doubts for even a sliver of time that He wasn’t being faithful by allowing all this to happen…and tears from being assured yet again of His faithfulness and goodness. That night I also listened to a song I just put on my computer in the States but forgot how it went…some of the lyrics were these:
“Though weeping endures for the night, Your joy comes in the morning. Though sorrow may last for a time, Your joy comes in the morning. Faithful, You’re always faithful. True, You’re always true. You’ll never leave me. You’re always with me. You’re good; you’re good.”
Then I happened to read this excerpt from Come Away My Beloved, by Frances J Roberts, which fit perfectly:
You need have no fear. You need not fear the fickleness of providence—for behind whatever looks to you like utter chaos, I have a plan working for your good. You need never fear whether I will be faithful to you, for it I have never failed anyone else, why would I fail you? You have an innumerable company of spectators cheering you from the ramparts of heaven, reminding you of what I did for them, and encouraging you that the struggle is not interminable; surprisingly soon it shall end in victory for you also—if you endure faithfully.
Miracles burst forth out of the moist, cold soil of human tragedy. Moist with tears and cold with hopelessness.
The part about utter chaos reminded me of a poem I wrote in 2003 about how God can bring order out of the chaos:
If the sorrow of suffering and death stings oh so hard yet I embrace the One who conquered it, would I still despair?
If all goes to chaos and yet my Love brought life and order out of such, can I not trust that He can do it again?
That night what came to mind is that I should look up what I wrote in my journal on October 24, and I found this prayer from 10/24/08, when I first re-visited Mission Training International after the accident, which was perfect in its sentiments for my current situation!:
Father,
Oh, Lord, thank you so much for allowing me to come back here. Father, so much has happened since I last typed a prayer to you here. So much. And yet you have not changed. You are still worthy of my love, my all. You are still good. You are still faithful. What has happened in between these prayers has not lessened your love one degree; it has not made your goodness decline. No, you are always good. You are trustworthy. You are the same loving, merciful God who tenderly holds each of your children close to your heart. I don’t know how it all works…still…but I know that you are good. You never leave us. You never forsake us. You are faithful.
I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death, and what did I find? My Shepherd right there with me, holding me. Lord, you never let go. How can I not praise you? I love you. You are beautiful. Words fail me. I just love you. Lord, thank you for never leaving me and never leaving Jess, Karin, and Isaac, or Scott & Andrea either. The King of Love my Shepherd is, whose goodness faileth never; I nothing lack if Thou art mine, and I art Thine forever.
By the end of day that my clothes were stolen, I was greatly encouraged by the God who is with me and for me. I wrote this prayer, more like a triumphant declaration, that night:
You are King. You are Lord. You are my Father. You are for me, not against me. “And if our God is for us, than who could ever stop us? And if our God is with us, that what can stand against? Our God is greater; Our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other…”
You are faithful. You are good. You are greater than the one who is in this world. You are mighty in power. You are glorious. You are loving. You are perfect. You are in control. You are sovereign. You are my Defender. You are victorious. You are indomitable. You have given me an indomitable spirit…because the One who rose from the dead lives in me—the same spirit that rose Jesus Christ from the grave dwells inside me. Indomitable spirit. Yes bad stuff happens in this world—“You will have trials and tribulations, but take heart, for I have overcome the world.” You will renew my strength. You will restore me. You will make me rise above like a soaring eagle. You will make me rise from the ashes. You will work all things together for good. You will be glorified, even in these trials. You will bring beauty from the ashes. Your grace is sufficient. You are enough. You are the God of all comfort. You will never leave me nor forsake me. You will never fail me. You will never forget about me. You will never lose. It may appear sometimes that Satan and darkness have the upper hand, but into the darkness You shine and ultimately You reign victorious and will put all things in subjection under Your feet…Death will be defeated, swallowed up in victory. Satan will be cast down forever. You will make all things right. You will bring perfect justice. You will show Yourself victorious over all—higher and more worthy than any other. None can compare. Conquering Lion with the gentle meekness of the slain Lamb. Lion & the Lamb. Alpha & Omega. Infinite yet intimate. Powerful yet personal. Majestic yet meek. Consuming Fire with consuming Love. Holier than all yet humble servant of all. Strong yet sensitive. Beautiful beyond compare yet broken beyond recognition. Mighty Warrior & my Saviour. My Lord & my God. My Beloved. Furious with injustice, and fighting my Enemy; Furiously jealous for my heart, and fighting all contenders. Relentless in righteousness & relentless in tenderness.
Constant.
My Rock.
My Firm Foundation.
My Hope.
My Redeemer.
Forever.
Amen.
Tonight I echo the words of David Livingstone:
“Nothing earthly will make me give up my work in despair. I encourage myself in the Lord my God, and go forward...”
And the next day I did go forward by His grace…I knew that I had been planning to try the next day to secure the ability to lead an Abstinence Club at the Senior Secondary School here in Mochudi to help in the fight against AIDS and encourage teens toward Christ. Perhaps the enemy thought he could use all these trials to discourage me enough to distract me from that and other ministry here. But no—through connections I’ve made recently to meet the “right” people in the guidance/counseling department (including one who has a Masters degree in HIV/AIDS management and really wants to help), I was able to secure the go-ahead from the school to start a club there next term (after August vacation)! Apparently, YFC has never had a club there, so this was a great encouragement to all the staff! Our God is greater!
That night, I heard this in a teaching: “Every time before the Israelites would go to battle, the priests would stand up and say to the people: ‘Do not fear, do not waver—God your God, fights with you against your enemies.’ God never fights you…I don’t know what’s going on in your life right now, but God never fights you.”
I realized how much God has been helping ease the severity of it all – with both Dad and Ken, we knew they were strong in faith and even thinking eternal thoughts before their deaths. The stolen laundry could have been much worse…true I lost my favorite pair of pants and shorts, but overall, I lost mainly easily replaceable things (towel, white long-sleeved undershirts that I bought here, etc but none of my sweatshirts & only 2 T-shirts). And interestingly, I lost my warm socks that were needed in this Botswana winter, but I still had the wool socks a friend had just given me to bring back from the States. I also lost lots of undergarments (meaning someone, somewhere has my underwear…that is awkward, haha), but again, I had just brought new ones from the States.
And when my car battery died, I was in the capital in a packed parking lot, but right next to my car was a man just sitting in his truck. He had jumper cables, but unfortunately they wouldn’t reach between our batteries. He needed to park in front of my car, but those parking spots were taken (and who knows how long before those shoppers would return to their cars?!). But this man said he would wait with us. Then within 30 seconds, the people returned to the car directly in front of mine and drove away! So the man drove his truck around into that spot and jumped my battery so I could get home safely! Then one of the Canadian short-term volunteers anonymously paid for my new car battery!
The next day, when I was praying about what to share during the YFC staff prayer meeting devotional, Psalm 118 came to my mind. I looked it up to read:
“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; His love endures forever…The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me? The Lord is on my side as my helper; I shall look in triumph on my enemies.” (vv1, 6-7)
I have much more encouraging things to share about how God has been working here that week and since, but this has been long enough!
Love-in-Christ,
Em
So it’s been an interesting journey since I last wrote…but I think overall, it has strengthened my faith and determination. I’ll share all this to testify to God’s faithfulness and to perhaps encourage you, as I’ve been encouraged. The same week that I found out about the death of Ken, my dad’s best friend in England, my car wouldn’t start, I got a nasty cold, and a whole load of my laundry was stolen from the clothesline in our yard while I was at ministry (but while other housemates were home)! With all that on top of the backdrop of Dad’s death, it was a bit overwhelming all at once!
The day my clothes were stolen and it was certain that my car battery was dead, I had to buy food to cook the evening meal for everyone. Normally, I would hop in my car, but since it was dead, I walked. As I walked into town, the emotion of everything kind of hit me and I had to fight back tears. I was looking toward the hills in town and started singing this song based on Psalm 121 that I haven’t heard in years—“I lift my eyes up, up to the mountains, where does my help come from? My help comes from You, Maker of heaven, Creator of the earth. Oh how I need You Lord, You are my only prayer, You’re my only hope…”
As I stood in the check-out line in the supermarket, my thoughts went back to everything that was going wrong and I was on the verge of tears. At that moment, I saw a little boy walk by me whose shirt read, “Don’t Quit” and the perfect timing of that just seemed like a little encouragement from God. Minutes later in the other supermarket, again I was on the verge of tears…and then what came to mind was “Indomitable spirit” and how God has really been encouraging me with that perhaps to prepare me for these current trials.
I’ll give a quick recap and share how it has come up here in Botswana too—Just after Dad’s funeral, my aunt read something and the word “indomitable” jumped out at me. I wasn’t totally sure of its meaning, but she confirmed my thought that it means unable to be beaten down or conquered even when lots of bad things come against you. The dictionary puts it, “Incapable of being overcome, subdued, or vanquished; unconquerable.”
I wrote to a friend: “We are indomitable through Christ! No matter what trials, suffering, temptations, evil darts of the enemy...deaths to loved ones, car accidents, health problems, etc...if we are in Christ, even those things cannot defeat us. And if we do die, as Dad did, we go to be with God FOREVER.” A week later as I was sitting in the airport, I happened to look up and read the shirt of a woman walking by—in all caps, it read: INDOMITABLE SPIRIT.
Then the night I arrived back in Botswana a week later, a friend leant me a book about David Livingstone, the famous missionary who pioneered the work in Botswana. I happened to read where it mentioned that after some fellow missionary workers died, and later his beloved wife, he kept going—“His indomitable spirit rose...Livingstone remained steadfast, immovable and resolved to continue his work for the Lord.” In 1873, he wrote, “Nothing earthly will make me give up my work in despair. I encourage myself in the Lord my God, and go forward.”
So back in the grocery store in Mochudi last week, on the verge of tears when one thing after another had been going wrong, I remembered the indomitable spirit. I didn’t feel so indomitable or “more than a conqueror” (Romans 8:37) right then…I felt weak and like I was losing… and when I got home, I did have a good cry. Actually it was one of the most “down” times I’ve felt in my life where I just kept crying (not normal for me, but probably needed as part of the grief process). I was wondering what was going on with one difficult thing after another…and I hate to say it, but I was even wondering how it fits that God is my protector when all this was happening. Why wasn’t He defending me or preventing this?
In the midst of my tears, I realized that one of my housemates had left a chocolate bar with a note of encouragement for me on my desk. Then right around then, through my tears, I heard the song playing on the living room stereo, “Fix You” by Coldplay. I had just shown a video clip with that song as the soundtrack at the YFC Coffee Bar outreach a few days earlier of the 400m race at the 1992 Olympics when Derek Redmond’s hamstring tore 250 m into the race, and yet he was determined to finish, hobbling painfully along the track. Then out of the crowd, a large man pushed his way onto the track and came to Derek’s side to help him finish. This man was his father. Derek was crying and leaning on his father as they finished the race together.
The analogy there is to the heavenly Father who helps us finish the race that is set before us when we are hurting or feel too weak to do it on our own. So when I heard “Fix You” in that moment, I pictured that Olympic race and the father coming to help (like the heavenly Father coming to help me run my race). I fell to my knees in just weak dependence on my strong Father, crying tears overwhelmed by everything but also overwhelmed by His loving care. I need you; I can’t run this race without you…thank you for helping me when I am weak. You can watch the video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yz05WW8abX0
A bit later, I realized that “indomitable” doesn’t mean that things are not coming against you, but that they can’t affect your spirit or stop you from doing what the Lord has called you to do. It’s an indomitable SPIRIT through Christ. John 16:33 came to mind—“In this world, you will have trials and tribulations, but take heart, for I have overcome the world.” The spirit of the One who overcame is in me to overcome trials today. I remembered one of the things Dad had said to me shortly before I left home, “God will never give you more than you can handle.” I didn’t think of it then, but now I am reminded of this quote I heard the week before I left for Botswana back in February:
"The same everlasting Father who cares for you today, will take care of you tomorrow, and every day. Either He will shield you from suffering, or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace then, and put aside all anxious thought and imaginations." - Francis de Sales
Now in retrospect, I can see that the Enemy was using this time to try to discourage me and get me to question God’s faithfulness and goodness, and whether God was for me or against me in all this. As I was preparing dinner, I just felt like the Lord whispered to my heart, “Em, I’m on your side,” and I replied “I know” as the tears welled up again…Tears for entertaining doubts for even a sliver of time that He wasn’t being faithful by allowing all this to happen…and tears from being assured yet again of His faithfulness and goodness. That night I also listened to a song I just put on my computer in the States but forgot how it went…some of the lyrics were these:
“Though weeping endures for the night, Your joy comes in the morning. Though sorrow may last for a time, Your joy comes in the morning. Faithful, You’re always faithful. True, You’re always true. You’ll never leave me. You’re always with me. You’re good; you’re good.”
Then I happened to read this excerpt from Come Away My Beloved, by Frances J Roberts, which fit perfectly:
You need have no fear. You need not fear the fickleness of providence—for behind whatever looks to you like utter chaos, I have a plan working for your good. You need never fear whether I will be faithful to you, for it I have never failed anyone else, why would I fail you? You have an innumerable company of spectators cheering you from the ramparts of heaven, reminding you of what I did for them, and encouraging you that the struggle is not interminable; surprisingly soon it shall end in victory for you also—if you endure faithfully.
Miracles burst forth out of the moist, cold soil of human tragedy. Moist with tears and cold with hopelessness.
The part about utter chaos reminded me of a poem I wrote in 2003 about how God can bring order out of the chaos:
If the sorrow of suffering and death stings oh so hard yet I embrace the One who conquered it, would I still despair?
If all goes to chaos and yet my Love brought life and order out of such, can I not trust that He can do it again?
That night what came to mind is that I should look up what I wrote in my journal on October 24, and I found this prayer from 10/24/08, when I first re-visited Mission Training International after the accident, which was perfect in its sentiments for my current situation!:
Father,
Oh, Lord, thank you so much for allowing me to come back here. Father, so much has happened since I last typed a prayer to you here. So much. And yet you have not changed. You are still worthy of my love, my all. You are still good. You are still faithful. What has happened in between these prayers has not lessened your love one degree; it has not made your goodness decline. No, you are always good. You are trustworthy. You are the same loving, merciful God who tenderly holds each of your children close to your heart. I don’t know how it all works…still…but I know that you are good. You never leave us. You never forsake us. You are faithful.
I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death, and what did I find? My Shepherd right there with me, holding me. Lord, you never let go. How can I not praise you? I love you. You are beautiful. Words fail me. I just love you. Lord, thank you for never leaving me and never leaving Jess, Karin, and Isaac, or Scott & Andrea either. The King of Love my Shepherd is, whose goodness faileth never; I nothing lack if Thou art mine, and I art Thine forever.
By the end of day that my clothes were stolen, I was greatly encouraged by the God who is with me and for me. I wrote this prayer, more like a triumphant declaration, that night:
You are King. You are Lord. You are my Father. You are for me, not against me. “And if our God is for us, than who could ever stop us? And if our God is with us, that what can stand against? Our God is greater; Our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other…”
You are faithful. You are good. You are greater than the one who is in this world. You are mighty in power. You are glorious. You are loving. You are perfect. You are in control. You are sovereign. You are my Defender. You are victorious. You are indomitable. You have given me an indomitable spirit…because the One who rose from the dead lives in me—the same spirit that rose Jesus Christ from the grave dwells inside me. Indomitable spirit. Yes bad stuff happens in this world—“You will have trials and tribulations, but take heart, for I have overcome the world.” You will renew my strength. You will restore me. You will make me rise above like a soaring eagle. You will make me rise from the ashes. You will work all things together for good. You will be glorified, even in these trials. You will bring beauty from the ashes. Your grace is sufficient. You are enough. You are the God of all comfort. You will never leave me nor forsake me. You will never fail me. You will never forget about me. You will never lose. It may appear sometimes that Satan and darkness have the upper hand, but into the darkness You shine and ultimately You reign victorious and will put all things in subjection under Your feet…Death will be defeated, swallowed up in victory. Satan will be cast down forever. You will make all things right. You will bring perfect justice. You will show Yourself victorious over all—higher and more worthy than any other. None can compare. Conquering Lion with the gentle meekness of the slain Lamb. Lion & the Lamb. Alpha & Omega. Infinite yet intimate. Powerful yet personal. Majestic yet meek. Consuming Fire with consuming Love. Holier than all yet humble servant of all. Strong yet sensitive. Beautiful beyond compare yet broken beyond recognition. Mighty Warrior & my Saviour. My Lord & my God. My Beloved. Furious with injustice, and fighting my Enemy; Furiously jealous for my heart, and fighting all contenders. Relentless in righteousness & relentless in tenderness.
Constant.
My Rock.
My Firm Foundation.
My Hope.
My Redeemer.
Forever.
Amen.
Tonight I echo the words of David Livingstone:
“Nothing earthly will make me give up my work in despair. I encourage myself in the Lord my God, and go forward...”
And the next day I did go forward by His grace…I knew that I had been planning to try the next day to secure the ability to lead an Abstinence Club at the Senior Secondary School here in Mochudi to help in the fight against AIDS and encourage teens toward Christ. Perhaps the enemy thought he could use all these trials to discourage me enough to distract me from that and other ministry here. But no—through connections I’ve made recently to meet the “right” people in the guidance/counseling department (including one who has a Masters degree in HIV/AIDS management and really wants to help), I was able to secure the go-ahead from the school to start a club there next term (after August vacation)! Apparently, YFC has never had a club there, so this was a great encouragement to all the staff! Our God is greater!
That night, I heard this in a teaching: “Every time before the Israelites would go to battle, the priests would stand up and say to the people: ‘Do not fear, do not waver—God your God, fights with you against your enemies.’ God never fights you…I don’t know what’s going on in your life right now, but God never fights you.”
I realized how much God has been helping ease the severity of it all – with both Dad and Ken, we knew they were strong in faith and even thinking eternal thoughts before their deaths. The stolen laundry could have been much worse…true I lost my favorite pair of pants and shorts, but overall, I lost mainly easily replaceable things (towel, white long-sleeved undershirts that I bought here, etc but none of my sweatshirts & only 2 T-shirts). And interestingly, I lost my warm socks that were needed in this Botswana winter, but I still had the wool socks a friend had just given me to bring back from the States. I also lost lots of undergarments (meaning someone, somewhere has my underwear…that is awkward, haha), but again, I had just brought new ones from the States.
And when my car battery died, I was in the capital in a packed parking lot, but right next to my car was a man just sitting in his truck. He had jumper cables, but unfortunately they wouldn’t reach between our batteries. He needed to park in front of my car, but those parking spots were taken (and who knows how long before those shoppers would return to their cars?!). But this man said he would wait with us. Then within 30 seconds, the people returned to the car directly in front of mine and drove away! So the man drove his truck around into that spot and jumped my battery so I could get home safely! Then one of the Canadian short-term volunteers anonymously paid for my new car battery!
The next day, when I was praying about what to share during the YFC staff prayer meeting devotional, Psalm 118 came to my mind. I looked it up to read:
“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; His love endures forever…The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me? The Lord is on my side as my helper; I shall look in triumph on my enemies.” (vv1, 6-7)
I have much more encouraging things to share about how God has been working here that week and since, but this has been long enough!
Love-in-Christ,
Em
Saturday, July 24, 2010
More Sadness...and More Goodness
Greetings all,
Well it hasn’t been the easiest week, but there have been some great times. I found out Monday night that my dad’s best friend from England, Ken, passed away from cancer. They were best mates growing up together and graduated together. He was one of the groomsmen in my parents’ wedding. We’ve kept in touch and stayed with them for a visit every time we have visited England as a family, and they came and stayed with us in the States for weeks at a time. He was an English policeman, a bobbie, until he recently retired. He gave me his old bobbie helmet when they got a new design, as well as police patches and clip-on tie, badge, etc…when I was a little girl. I included a picture of me wearing one of the police badges and clip-on police ties he gave me. So I was a bobbie for Halloween as a kid. Ken was like an uncle to me.
He didn’t know he had cancer until June 10, which was the day that dad died (in the England timezone)…and when they discovered it, the cancer had already spread to many parts of his body so it was too late to medically stop it. Then, just under 40 days later, he passed away.
We are of course, very thankful and comforted knowing that, as his wife Glenda put it, “Ken found God” a few years back. He had written me a few letters in the last couple years, sharing about how he had come to faith in Jesus Christ and was really growing in his faith. He would also sometimes call me on my cell phone just to talk. We talked at Christmas time.
I received a letter from Ken here in Botswana in early April in which he was so pleased to hear how things were going here. “God be praised!” he’d exclaimed in true British fashion :). He told me they were really getting involved in their church and in mission work. Not only have they been supporting my mission work, but they have been supporting a school in Ghana and helping to provide motorcycles for teachers/pastors. Ken was planning to go on a mission trip there to teach them how to ride the motorcycles. In the letter, he also included pictures of himself, his wife, sons, and grandkids. I am now especially thankful to have those.
Just minutes after Mom had told me the news on the phone, I realized that now dad and Ken were together again in heaven. This came to mind: “the old boys are reunited again…forever!” I pictured how great it must have been for dad to be part of the welcoming party for Ken.
In a few emails I sent out the next day, I used that same terminology – that the old boys were back together again. One of those emails was to mom, and she wrote back asking if I knew that the school where dad and Ken had attended and graduated from called themselves The Old Boys…and when they have reunions they call them The Old Boys Reunions! Nope…I didn’t know that, but pretty cool that I had thought that, eh?
The next day, Tuesday, the reality and emotions of it finally caught up with me, I think compounding with dad’s death, so the tears came and I had a ‘good’ cry here at the office. Thankfully there are many people around me here who are supportive. I’ve been doing a lot better since then, but prayers are still appreciated—especially for his wife and family, and for mom, Ryan, and me (and other family friends who miss him). I’ve learned that grief comes and goes in waves.
Jesus said, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die.”—John 11:25-26. Dad and Ken just had a setting change in their story…from living on earth to living in heaven…and they are LOVING it!
“If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s.” –Romans 14:8
Alright, so on to the more positive things of the last week. As I mentioned last time, we have a team of 23 short-termer volunteers here from YFC Canada. Last Thursday, I drove 6 of them to a school to help lead the Scripture Union club there. It is not a school where I’ve worked before, but they needed me to drive them so I went and led worship with guitar. Maruping, the YFC staff guy who works there regularly, said they usually have about 15-20 students who come to the club. I think the handful of white people (makgua) was intriguing because we had about 85 students cram into the classroom for our hour-long club, at some points upwards of 100!! It was the biggest turn-out ever at that school! For the teaching portion, we acted out the story of Daniel 3 (the three Hebrew young men who were thrown into the fiery furnace instead of bowing down to an idol, and then they were not burned at all).
This week the schools have vacation, which means we provide holiday programmes for the youth. So in the morning all this week, we invited the Scripture Union club members to come to the office every morning from 10 am – 12:30 pm for singing, teaching, small groups, crafts, and games. The Canadians essentially ran this with our guidance. I still led the worship with guitar, but that was my only official role. We also ran a Kids Club simultaneously for elementary-aged kids, so Canadians led worship with them. It was great to get to spend much more quality time with some of the students at the school where I help lead Scripture Union. Several students started or deepened their personal relationship with Christ this week! It was exciting to be a part of that and to have the opportunity (that the Canadians don’t) to continue on with these youth in the weeks and months ahead and help disciple and encourage them.
Last Saturday, then Monday through Thursday nights, we opened up the Coffee Bar drop-in centre for the youth of Mochudi from 7-10pm. As usual, each night we take about 10 minutes to share something meaningful with the youth. Most of the nights, the Canadian team has shared some dramas. This often served as a springboard for youth to talk to us afterwards and ask questions. I spent the remaining time (1.25 hours) Wednesday night talking with two twin brothers about spiritual things. These are the same two that asked me questions for a few hours a couple months ago. They brought their bibles Thursday night and right away started talking to me again…they didn’t even want to play the games/sports. So we talked for a couple hours again, and they told me to have a Bible passage ready to talk to them tonight when we’ll have Coffee Bar again! So that’s an encouragement, and I’m now praying that God will guide me in which passage to discuss with them and will keep revealing truth to their hearts.
Another exciting thing is that I was able to meet the guidance/counseling staff member at the Senior Secondary School here in Mochudi, where the Face the Nation (AIDS Prevention Programme of my church) volunteers just finished teaching their 5-week abstinence curriculum. I was able to reunite with the three Face the Nation volunteers for whom I was a prayer partner, and we all held hands and prayed with this guidance/counseling teacher to end out their time at the school. The guidance/counseling teacher is the entry point into a school, so it was great to have met her, prayed with her, and exchanged contact info last Friday. I will be in touch with her next week about leading a follow-up club at the school with True Love Waits curriculum that I was briefly trained in just before I left for the States. I’m not sure whether to create a new club, like an abstinence club or True Love Waits club, for the hundreds of students who committed to abstinence before marriage…or if I should just team up with the Scripture Union club and teach the curriculum in that setting…or both. There were well over a hundred students who made commitments to follow Christ as well and it would be great to follow them up.
YFC has not worked with a club in that school in recent memory, so it’s something for which I would appreciate prayer, that God would give wisdom and guidance in how to proceed and have ongoing ministry in that school. It is the only Senior Secondary School in the whole large geographical district called Kgatleng; thus, many of the students are boarders living onsite. There is such a great need to reach and support these students, many of whom have troubling issues going on in their lives.
So I am grateful for all the opportunities that have arisen and the ministry that has gone on in this last week. I have been typing up the tribute of memories of my dad, and will share that soon, as well as more emails and witty writings of his.
Blessings,
Em
P.S. “In the end, everything will be all right. Nothing can harm you permanently; no loss is lasting, no defeat more than transitory, no disappointment is conclusive. Suffering, failure, loneliness, sorrow, discouragement, and death will be part of your journey, but the kingdom of God will conquer all these horrors.” –Brennan Manning
Well it hasn’t been the easiest week, but there have been some great times. I found out Monday night that my dad’s best friend from England, Ken, passed away from cancer. They were best mates growing up together and graduated together. He was one of the groomsmen in my parents’ wedding. We’ve kept in touch and stayed with them for a visit every time we have visited England as a family, and they came and stayed with us in the States for weeks at a time. He was an English policeman, a bobbie, until he recently retired. He gave me his old bobbie helmet when they got a new design, as well as police patches and clip-on tie, badge, etc…when I was a little girl. I included a picture of me wearing one of the police badges and clip-on police ties he gave me. So I was a bobbie for Halloween as a kid. Ken was like an uncle to me.
He didn’t know he had cancer until June 10, which was the day that dad died (in the England timezone)…and when they discovered it, the cancer had already spread to many parts of his body so it was too late to medically stop it. Then, just under 40 days later, he passed away.
We are of course, very thankful and comforted knowing that, as his wife Glenda put it, “Ken found God” a few years back. He had written me a few letters in the last couple years, sharing about how he had come to faith in Jesus Christ and was really growing in his faith. He would also sometimes call me on my cell phone just to talk. We talked at Christmas time.
I received a letter from Ken here in Botswana in early April in which he was so pleased to hear how things were going here. “God be praised!” he’d exclaimed in true British fashion :). He told me they were really getting involved in their church and in mission work. Not only have they been supporting my mission work, but they have been supporting a school in Ghana and helping to provide motorcycles for teachers/pastors. Ken was planning to go on a mission trip there to teach them how to ride the motorcycles. In the letter, he also included pictures of himself, his wife, sons, and grandkids. I am now especially thankful to have those.
Just minutes after Mom had told me the news on the phone, I realized that now dad and Ken were together again in heaven. This came to mind: “the old boys are reunited again…forever!” I pictured how great it must have been for dad to be part of the welcoming party for Ken.
In a few emails I sent out the next day, I used that same terminology – that the old boys were back together again. One of those emails was to mom, and she wrote back asking if I knew that the school where dad and Ken had attended and graduated from called themselves The Old Boys…and when they have reunions they call them The Old Boys Reunions! Nope…I didn’t know that, but pretty cool that I had thought that, eh?
The next day, Tuesday, the reality and emotions of it finally caught up with me, I think compounding with dad’s death, so the tears came and I had a ‘good’ cry here at the office. Thankfully there are many people around me here who are supportive. I’ve been doing a lot better since then, but prayers are still appreciated—especially for his wife and family, and for mom, Ryan, and me (and other family friends who miss him). I’ve learned that grief comes and goes in waves.
Jesus said, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die.”—John 11:25-26. Dad and Ken just had a setting change in their story…from living on earth to living in heaven…and they are LOVING it!
“If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s.” –Romans 14:8
Alright, so on to the more positive things of the last week. As I mentioned last time, we have a team of 23 short-termer volunteers here from YFC Canada. Last Thursday, I drove 6 of them to a school to help lead the Scripture Union club there. It is not a school where I’ve worked before, but they needed me to drive them so I went and led worship with guitar. Maruping, the YFC staff guy who works there regularly, said they usually have about 15-20 students who come to the club. I think the handful of white people (makgua) was intriguing because we had about 85 students cram into the classroom for our hour-long club, at some points upwards of 100!! It was the biggest turn-out ever at that school! For the teaching portion, we acted out the story of Daniel 3 (the three Hebrew young men who were thrown into the fiery furnace instead of bowing down to an idol, and then they were not burned at all).
This week the schools have vacation, which means we provide holiday programmes for the youth. So in the morning all this week, we invited the Scripture Union club members to come to the office every morning from 10 am – 12:30 pm for singing, teaching, small groups, crafts, and games. The Canadians essentially ran this with our guidance. I still led the worship with guitar, but that was my only official role. We also ran a Kids Club simultaneously for elementary-aged kids, so Canadians led worship with them. It was great to get to spend much more quality time with some of the students at the school where I help lead Scripture Union. Several students started or deepened their personal relationship with Christ this week! It was exciting to be a part of that and to have the opportunity (that the Canadians don’t) to continue on with these youth in the weeks and months ahead and help disciple and encourage them.
Last Saturday, then Monday through Thursday nights, we opened up the Coffee Bar drop-in centre for the youth of Mochudi from 7-10pm. As usual, each night we take about 10 minutes to share something meaningful with the youth. Most of the nights, the Canadian team has shared some dramas. This often served as a springboard for youth to talk to us afterwards and ask questions. I spent the remaining time (1.25 hours) Wednesday night talking with two twin brothers about spiritual things. These are the same two that asked me questions for a few hours a couple months ago. They brought their bibles Thursday night and right away started talking to me again…they didn’t even want to play the games/sports. So we talked for a couple hours again, and they told me to have a Bible passage ready to talk to them tonight when we’ll have Coffee Bar again! So that’s an encouragement, and I’m now praying that God will guide me in which passage to discuss with them and will keep revealing truth to their hearts.
Another exciting thing is that I was able to meet the guidance/counseling staff member at the Senior Secondary School here in Mochudi, where the Face the Nation (AIDS Prevention Programme of my church) volunteers just finished teaching their 5-week abstinence curriculum. I was able to reunite with the three Face the Nation volunteers for whom I was a prayer partner, and we all held hands and prayed with this guidance/counseling teacher to end out their time at the school. The guidance/counseling teacher is the entry point into a school, so it was great to have met her, prayed with her, and exchanged contact info last Friday. I will be in touch with her next week about leading a follow-up club at the school with True Love Waits curriculum that I was briefly trained in just before I left for the States. I’m not sure whether to create a new club, like an abstinence club or True Love Waits club, for the hundreds of students who committed to abstinence before marriage…or if I should just team up with the Scripture Union club and teach the curriculum in that setting…or both. There were well over a hundred students who made commitments to follow Christ as well and it would be great to follow them up.
YFC has not worked with a club in that school in recent memory, so it’s something for which I would appreciate prayer, that God would give wisdom and guidance in how to proceed and have ongoing ministry in that school. It is the only Senior Secondary School in the whole large geographical district called Kgatleng; thus, many of the students are boarders living onsite. There is such a great need to reach and support these students, many of whom have troubling issues going on in their lives.
So I am grateful for all the opportunities that have arisen and the ministry that has gone on in this last week. I have been typing up the tribute of memories of my dad, and will share that soon, as well as more emails and witty writings of his.
Blessings,
Em
P.S. “In the end, everything will be all right. Nothing can harm you permanently; no loss is lasting, no defeat more than transitory, no disappointment is conclusive. Suffering, failure, loneliness, sorrow, discouragement, and death will be part of your journey, but the kingdom of God will conquer all these horrors.” –Brennan Manning
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Back in Botswana!
Dumelang!!
I am back in the YFC office in Botswana…with wool socks on, a hood over my head, and slightly numb appendages. It is winter here. Last night, even with the down comforter I brought from the States and two other blankets, my feet were quite cold in their wool socks! Ludicrous! Nothing like going from crazy hot weather in Michigan to freezing temperatures in Botswana. Houses here typically don’t have heat, nor insulation…and our house is typical…so it is in the 30s Fahrenheit in our house at night. Going from summer to winter was also a unique experience on the plane—after I slept for close to 10 hours straight (once again, I attribute this skill to all the experience of chair-sleeping after my accident!), I opened up the window shade to see the light of day only to see the sun…setting! Within minutes, the sun had set. So that was the shortest day in recent memory!
On the first flight from Flint, MI to Atlanta, I happened to sit next to a kind woman who was reading about Sudan in order to teach a missions course at her church. So we talked for awhile and I got to share a lot of my testimony with her, and she said she would pray for me daily and wants to keep updated with my newsletters. On the Atlanta – Johannesburg flight, I happened to talk to the man sitting front of me, and found out he lives in Windsor, Ontario but works in Port Huron, where I was just at home with Mom!
Before that in Atlanta during my layover, I reunited with Cindy & Kjel, the mom and step-dad of Jessica, who passed away in the accident. It was great to see them again. I shared in an entry on here (February 12 this year if you want to read the details) that God has really brought us tightly together as we journey through this. For a quick re-cap, when I first visited in October ’08 the stone memorial our fellow missionary friends built up behind Mission Training International (MTI) in the days after the accident, I placed my own stone on top and took some time to say goodbye to each of the three that passed away. When I was ‘talking’ to Jessica, I thought about how her mom Cindy and I have gotten so close through all this, emailing back and forth sometimes a few times a week. So I said to Jess, “I’m helping to take care of your mom,” and immediately after I said that, I pictured Jesus on the cross looking down at his mother Mary and John the beloved disciple, and Jesus saying, “Woman, behold your son” and “Son, behold your mother.”
I had never once thought of that scripture passage in relation to Cindy, Jess, and me and at first was like, ‘Whoa?!...I can never replace Jess!?!” but what came to mind was that Jesus knew that John wouldn’t replace him, and that Mary wouldn’t replace John’s mother, but that they would care for each other in that additional role like a mother-son relationship. And so it just felt like Jess and God were both pleased with how Cindy and I had been helping each other through this.
It turns out that the very same week, that same passage of scripture with Jesus, Mary, and John came to Cindy’s mind for the first time in connection with our relationship, and she had shared that with her counselor and how she feels I am like a daughter to her! And then the week I was just in Minnesota, I was driving in traffic July 4 and saw the bumper sticker on the car in front of me: “Woman, behold your son” ?!!! Who puts that on their car?!!
Then the next day, I received an email from a Bethany student who added a scripture reference at the end of her email – John 19:25-27. I looked it up to see that it is the same Jesus, Mary, and John passage—“Woman, behold your son…Son, behold your mother”!! This friend did not know the significance of those verses to me and Cindy, so I was puzzled why she would put those verses on her email. I emailed and asked her why she chose those verses, and she replied that she had meant to put Job 19:25-27 but somehow had put John instead! After seeing the “Woman, behold your son” bumper sticker the day before and knowing the significance of those verses to Cindy and me, I somehow don’t think that was an accident in God’s eyes. And the message of Job 19:25-27 is a beautiful counterpart:
“I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; I myself will see him with my own eyes—I, and not another. How my heart yearns within me!”
The next time I visited the stone memorial at MTI was in May 2009 while I was in CO for a YFC retreat. That time, I saw that there were all these tiny blue and purple wild flowers growing up around the memorial stones. Here is what I journaled that day: “I thought it was just a beautiful picture of what God has been speaking a lot lately, that He is at work to bring beauty from the ashes of our tragedy…to bring something beautiful out of something so painful…to bring triumph out of tragedy.”
I felt led to pick a handful of the wildflowers and press them to send to the family members. So I pressed them and later decided to laminate them into bookmarks and have since sent them to Scott and Andrea, Andrea’s parents, Scott’s parents, and Cindy & Kjel, and Jessica’s father John.
After Cindy got the bookmark in the mail, she told me that Jess used to press flowers and laminate bookmarks of them too!! Cindy wrote:
“For Thanksgiving 2000, Jess pressed these beautiful flowers and put them in a bookmark with the verse from Isaiah 66:13 that says, "I will comfort you as a mother comforts her child," and she wrote, "Thank you for making it so easy for me to see God as a mother." I have treasured that bookmark even more since she went to Heaven and use it to mark my place in whatever current devotional book I am using in the mornings, and now I will have your sweet, special bookmark to use to mark my place in my Bible. I had actually been thinking of buying another bookmark to use to mark my Bible spot, so yours will now be that special bookmark. Taking the time to press the flowers, make the bookmark, and send it to me was one of the sweetest things you could have ever done.”
Wow…after that email I realized that the fact that I felt led to pick, press, laminate, and mail off that bookmark to Cindy and Kjel was just another way that God is comforting her heart (and the other families’). I have never once pressed and laminated flowers, or even thought to do that!
The other day in Atlanta, Cindy got teary-eyed recounting how she still treasures that MTI memorial flower bookmark, and how much that and our friendship has meant to her. When they sent me off from the airport, she gave me a long embrace with tears in her eyes. And so yet again, I was sent off from the U.S. by Cindy & Kjel.
This time I was welcomed and embraced on the other side of the Atlantic by the other parents who lost a daughter in the accident – the parents of Karin. They live just a handful of kilometers from the Johannesburg airport, and I had a 23-hour layover. So I had emailed them to let them know I was passing through again (they had wanted to see me last time but it didn’t work out), and they eagerly offered their hospitality. I had never met them before, and so it was a true blessing. I was able to share pictures with them (they had never seen pictures of Jessica or Scott & Andrea), and to share stories with them about my healing recovery and the statement I read in court to the man who hit us. They have been praying for him as well.
When I showed them pictures of the stone memorial behind MTI, they were really touched to see the wildflowers growing up around it. They asked if they could have that picture with the wildflowers, so I saved it to their computer. Karin’s mother said that they still view that stone memorial (and the service that preceded its creation) as the real memorial, since it was the first one. They were so thankful to have received a DVD of the memorial service.
I was excited because, unbeknownst to them, I had saved one last pressed flower bookmark of those wildflowers to hopefully give to them one day. I didn’t tell them at that point that I had pressed, laminated, and sent those flowers out…I would write it to them in a card I brought along for that purpose and give it to them the next day.
So that night, I wrote out the card, explaining how now everyone who lost a child has one of those special flowers…in Cambodia, California, Georgia, and now South Africa. I shared how I knew now that it was definitely the Lord that led me to do it because I’ve seen how much it has meant to everyone, and since Karin’s parents had been so touched by the picture of the wildflowers, I could anticipate how precious a gift the flower bookmark would be for them as well.
I ended up giving them the card and the flower bookmark yesterday as we parted ways at the airport as I got ready to board the plane for Botswana. When I explained that the bookmark was one of the wildflowers from the stone memorial, Karin’s mother got tears in her eyes and hugged and kissed me, whispering “God bless you” in my ear.
So all in all, it was a beautiful journey back to Botswana. It was such a blessing to get to see both these families and to have more of a sense of closure by being able to finally meet Karin’s parents and give them the flower bookmark. I will also let them know that I put a picture on their computer of the exact purple flower in their bookmark by itself back when it was freshly picked at MTI.
Sometime I hope to share the many ways God has been encouraging me as I begin ministry again in Botswana after losing dad. And I am still working on some entries that share more memories of dad. By the way, if anyone has any particular memories of dad that they would like to share, it’s always fun and comforting to hear. So feel free to write in the guestbook or shoot me an email. They might even feature in my memory-tribute I’ve been working on.
Now I’m off to drive a Canadian to a building supply company. There are 23 Canadians from SW Ontario (neighbors to us in Port Huron) who are here serving on a 2-week mission trip with YFC Project Serve. They are staying here at the office…so it’s kind of a zoo…or a beehive with a hum of activity everywhere. This afternoon, I’ll help lead worship with them in a school in Mochudi. Good times.
Blessings from Botswana again!
~Em
I am back in the YFC office in Botswana…with wool socks on, a hood over my head, and slightly numb appendages. It is winter here. Last night, even with the down comforter I brought from the States and two other blankets, my feet were quite cold in their wool socks! Ludicrous! Nothing like going from crazy hot weather in Michigan to freezing temperatures in Botswana. Houses here typically don’t have heat, nor insulation…and our house is typical…so it is in the 30s Fahrenheit in our house at night. Going from summer to winter was also a unique experience on the plane—after I slept for close to 10 hours straight (once again, I attribute this skill to all the experience of chair-sleeping after my accident!), I opened up the window shade to see the light of day only to see the sun…setting! Within minutes, the sun had set. So that was the shortest day in recent memory!
On the first flight from Flint, MI to Atlanta, I happened to sit next to a kind woman who was reading about Sudan in order to teach a missions course at her church. So we talked for awhile and I got to share a lot of my testimony with her, and she said she would pray for me daily and wants to keep updated with my newsletters. On the Atlanta – Johannesburg flight, I happened to talk to the man sitting front of me, and found out he lives in Windsor, Ontario but works in Port Huron, where I was just at home with Mom!
Before that in Atlanta during my layover, I reunited with Cindy & Kjel, the mom and step-dad of Jessica, who passed away in the accident. It was great to see them again. I shared in an entry on here (February 12 this year if you want to read the details) that God has really brought us tightly together as we journey through this. For a quick re-cap, when I first visited in October ’08 the stone memorial our fellow missionary friends built up behind Mission Training International (MTI) in the days after the accident, I placed my own stone on top and took some time to say goodbye to each of the three that passed away. When I was ‘talking’ to Jessica, I thought about how her mom Cindy and I have gotten so close through all this, emailing back and forth sometimes a few times a week. So I said to Jess, “I’m helping to take care of your mom,” and immediately after I said that, I pictured Jesus on the cross looking down at his mother Mary and John the beloved disciple, and Jesus saying, “Woman, behold your son” and “Son, behold your mother.”
I had never once thought of that scripture passage in relation to Cindy, Jess, and me and at first was like, ‘Whoa?!...I can never replace Jess!?!” but what came to mind was that Jesus knew that John wouldn’t replace him, and that Mary wouldn’t replace John’s mother, but that they would care for each other in that additional role like a mother-son relationship. And so it just felt like Jess and God were both pleased with how Cindy and I had been helping each other through this.
It turns out that the very same week, that same passage of scripture with Jesus, Mary, and John came to Cindy’s mind for the first time in connection with our relationship, and she had shared that with her counselor and how she feels I am like a daughter to her! And then the week I was just in Minnesota, I was driving in traffic July 4 and saw the bumper sticker on the car in front of me: “Woman, behold your son” ?!!! Who puts that on their car?!!
Then the next day, I received an email from a Bethany student who added a scripture reference at the end of her email – John 19:25-27. I looked it up to see that it is the same Jesus, Mary, and John passage—“Woman, behold your son…Son, behold your mother”!! This friend did not know the significance of those verses to me and Cindy, so I was puzzled why she would put those verses on her email. I emailed and asked her why she chose those verses, and she replied that she had meant to put Job 19:25-27 but somehow had put John instead! After seeing the “Woman, behold your son” bumper sticker the day before and knowing the significance of those verses to Cindy and me, I somehow don’t think that was an accident in God’s eyes. And the message of Job 19:25-27 is a beautiful counterpart:
“I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; I myself will see him with my own eyes—I, and not another. How my heart yearns within me!”
The next time I visited the stone memorial at MTI was in May 2009 while I was in CO for a YFC retreat. That time, I saw that there were all these tiny blue and purple wild flowers growing up around the memorial stones. Here is what I journaled that day: “I thought it was just a beautiful picture of what God has been speaking a lot lately, that He is at work to bring beauty from the ashes of our tragedy…to bring something beautiful out of something so painful…to bring triumph out of tragedy.”
I felt led to pick a handful of the wildflowers and press them to send to the family members. So I pressed them and later decided to laminate them into bookmarks and have since sent them to Scott and Andrea, Andrea’s parents, Scott’s parents, and Cindy & Kjel, and Jessica’s father John.
After Cindy got the bookmark in the mail, she told me that Jess used to press flowers and laminate bookmarks of them too!! Cindy wrote:
“For Thanksgiving 2000, Jess pressed these beautiful flowers and put them in a bookmark with the verse from Isaiah 66:13 that says, "I will comfort you as a mother comforts her child," and she wrote, "Thank you for making it so easy for me to see God as a mother." I have treasured that bookmark even more since she went to Heaven and use it to mark my place in whatever current devotional book I am using in the mornings, and now I will have your sweet, special bookmark to use to mark my place in my Bible. I had actually been thinking of buying another bookmark to use to mark my Bible spot, so yours will now be that special bookmark. Taking the time to press the flowers, make the bookmark, and send it to me was one of the sweetest things you could have ever done.”
Wow…after that email I realized that the fact that I felt led to pick, press, laminate, and mail off that bookmark to Cindy and Kjel was just another way that God is comforting her heart (and the other families’). I have never once pressed and laminated flowers, or even thought to do that!
The other day in Atlanta, Cindy got teary-eyed recounting how she still treasures that MTI memorial flower bookmark, and how much that and our friendship has meant to her. When they sent me off from the airport, she gave me a long embrace with tears in her eyes. And so yet again, I was sent off from the U.S. by Cindy & Kjel.
This time I was welcomed and embraced on the other side of the Atlantic by the other parents who lost a daughter in the accident – the parents of Karin. They live just a handful of kilometers from the Johannesburg airport, and I had a 23-hour layover. So I had emailed them to let them know I was passing through again (they had wanted to see me last time but it didn’t work out), and they eagerly offered their hospitality. I had never met them before, and so it was a true blessing. I was able to share pictures with them (they had never seen pictures of Jessica or Scott & Andrea), and to share stories with them about my healing recovery and the statement I read in court to the man who hit us. They have been praying for him as well.
When I showed them pictures of the stone memorial behind MTI, they were really touched to see the wildflowers growing up around it. They asked if they could have that picture with the wildflowers, so I saved it to their computer. Karin’s mother said that they still view that stone memorial (and the service that preceded its creation) as the real memorial, since it was the first one. They were so thankful to have received a DVD of the memorial service.
I was excited because, unbeknownst to them, I had saved one last pressed flower bookmark of those wildflowers to hopefully give to them one day. I didn’t tell them at that point that I had pressed, laminated, and sent those flowers out…I would write it to them in a card I brought along for that purpose and give it to them the next day.
So that night, I wrote out the card, explaining how now everyone who lost a child has one of those special flowers…in Cambodia, California, Georgia, and now South Africa. I shared how I knew now that it was definitely the Lord that led me to do it because I’ve seen how much it has meant to everyone, and since Karin’s parents had been so touched by the picture of the wildflowers, I could anticipate how precious a gift the flower bookmark would be for them as well.
I ended up giving them the card and the flower bookmark yesterday as we parted ways at the airport as I got ready to board the plane for Botswana. When I explained that the bookmark was one of the wildflowers from the stone memorial, Karin’s mother got tears in her eyes and hugged and kissed me, whispering “God bless you” in my ear.
So all in all, it was a beautiful journey back to Botswana. It was such a blessing to get to see both these families and to have more of a sense of closure by being able to finally meet Karin’s parents and give them the flower bookmark. I will also let them know that I put a picture on their computer of the exact purple flower in their bookmark by itself back when it was freshly picked at MTI.
Sometime I hope to share the many ways God has been encouraging me as I begin ministry again in Botswana after losing dad. And I am still working on some entries that share more memories of dad. By the way, if anyone has any particular memories of dad that they would like to share, it’s always fun and comforting to hear. So feel free to write in the guestbook or shoot me an email. They might even feature in my memory-tribute I’ve been working on.
Now I’m off to drive a Canadian to a building supply company. There are 23 Canadians from SW Ontario (neighbors to us in Port Huron) who are here serving on a 2-week mission trip with YFC Project Serve. They are staying here at the office…so it’s kind of a zoo…or a beehive with a hum of activity everywhere. This afternoon, I’ll help lead worship with them in a school in Mochudi. Good times.
Blessings from Botswana again!
~Em
Thursday, July 8, 2010
"The New Normal"; Indomitable spirit!
Hi everyone!
I returned to Michigan last night from my weeklong trip to Minnesota. I went out there to get my jaw checked out at my jaw specialist and to visit my bro and lots of friends. It was a great trip. Though I couldn’t see everyone I would have liked because of lack of time, I was excited to get to see so many special people in my life [I lived the majority of the last 9 years there]. The jaw specialist said my jaw is not dislocated or mis-aligned, which is good news (a year ago it was dislocated on both sides). The jaw appliance I’ve been wearing at least at night was off-balance though, so they adjusted that. I’ve just been suffering from a ‘flare-up’ in my muscles perhaps related in part to the appliance being off-balance (which really means my neck/jaw shifted). I need to wear it full-time again for a month at least and be really disciplined in heating/icing and doing exercises to loosen my jaw muscles. I had therapy done on those muscles yesterday, and it didn’t hurt as much as it had in the fall (e.g. I wasn’t tempted to bite the therapist’s hand as she massaged my jaw!), so that’s a good sign.
Thanks for the prayers for my jaw and neck (the neck’s alignment directly affects the jaw). And though it’s good to know there’s nothing hugely wrong and the pain has been lessening, please keep the prayers coming if you feel so inclined as there is still some pain when I eat. I will head back to Botswana on Monday.
Back to the main reason for my trip to the States…I realized that I never shared about dad’s funeral/celebration service itself. It was a blessing to see so many family and friends from England, Chicago, Texas, Minnesota, other parts of Michigan. Fr. Darryl Pigeon and his wife Cynthia (who led our church and youth group in Lexington for 11 years) flew up from Texas. He helped officiate the service and gave one of the eulogies, sharing how dad had been his right-hand man during his years at our church, like how Epaphroditus was such a support (brother, fellow worker) for the apostle Paul. Pastor Mitch Olson from our current church also gave a nice eulogy, the most memorable part being when he joked that dad had been saying, “We just don’t get it!” regarding eternity…and five minutes later, he got it!
Before the service started, we showed a beautiful video montage of pictures of dad’s life. Ryan’s friend Ethan is a videographer, and he put it together the night before the service after we’d been busy finding and scanning pictures.
Another special part of the service was when a group of about 15-20 of us got up to sing, “It is Well with My Soul” in 4-part harmony. Mom, Dad’s sister Roni, Ryan, and I all sang as well. This impromptu choir was the idea of one of our friends who gathered together choir friends we’ve sung with from different churches to reunite to sing it. We had no rehearsal at all…but from what I could tell and what others said, it was beautiful. During communion, I played one of my own compositions on the piano. It was the first song I composed, back when I was 17, so dad heard it many times.
After a nice luncheon in which I caught up with some of my childhood friends, we drove up to Lexington Municipal Cemetery, where dad was buried. Mom, Ryan, and I had chosen a spot in the newest section the cemetery recently acquired, so his body is the first in the furthest west section under some beautiful old trees. So looking at his grave into the setting sun, you see the large tree trunks and then a field of wild grasses behind it. Dad loved and appreciated the beauty of nature, so it’s a perfect spot. At the burial, Pastor Mitch brought along his shofar (ram's horn trumpet) from Israel and blew it to honor dad. He's only blown it on a few very special occasions.
And on a more humorous note, when I was growing up, dad, when walking the dog by the cemetery or after the Memorial Day parades that ended with a service there, would point out the irony that next to the cemetery is a yellow road sign that reads “Dead End”! He always got a kick out of that, so we had a laugh knowing he is surely amused to be buried at the “Dead End” in Lexington.
A couple days after the funeral, I went into Meijer, one of dad’s favorite places to shop. As I walked in the door, I saw a big poster ad for Cedar Point, an amusement park with tons of roller coasters. I got excited thinking of the fun I’ve had there in the past and anticipating going there again someday, and then I remembered that I can’t go on roller coasters anymore because of my neck. Then I thought about how dad is gone…and I thought as I walked down the aisle that I could really get down if I focused on all the negative things—what I can’t do anymore, how dad is gone, etc.
Then just a minute or two later, I saw and picked up Daily Devotions Inspired by 90 Minutes in Heaven [a book]. Both dad and I had read that book last fall – it’s about a man, Don Piper, who miraculously survived a horrific car accident. I happened to open right to the entry entitled: The New Normal. Here are some excerpts:
“All of us have those times when [life changes drastically]. We can never go back to the old way—the “normal” behavior or circumstances. What had been normal becomes simply the way life used to be. Because we can’t go backward, the best we can do is to learn to accept our life as it is now, move forward, and discover a new kind of normal…All of us have those times when we look at what was and compare it with what is. Some of us have had to face that a number of times; others have a single experience that is as powerful a line of demarcation as the line between B.C. and A.D.
Because the old way—the old normal—is gone, we have to find a new one… My physical condition had made me a different person…Many physical activities I had taken for granted were no longer possible….We can never return to the way life was, even though we may cry out for it. Part of our happiness depends on accepting the new reality that we are now living. This is how I function now. I can make it the best phase of my life or I can refuse to accept to accept the changes. It’s up to me. But this much I can tell anyone: If we accept the new normal, life will be happier and easier.
Dear God, I may not like the things that have changed; I wish my life had not altered. But it has. Remind me that because you love me and are in control of my life, this phase of my life can be as good as or even better than the way life was before. Amen.”
Wow…so if that didn’t address EXACTLY what I had just been thinking, I don’t know what does! I didn’t buy the book at the time, but a few days later I decided I wanted to after all. And when I picked it up a few days later to buy it, I opened to this page about church members whose pastor had just died:
“They wanted explanations and I had to tell them, ‘Sometimes there are no explanations. Sometimes we have to trust God’s wisdom and timing, despite all the sorrow we face.’…I can’t explain why some people die in horrible accidents and others don’t. I don’t know why some good people die young and some wicked people live to be ninety. If we focus only on such events, we lose our perspective.
The proper perspective is that God loves us and is with us, even during the worst of times. There is an old story about the discouraged father who cried out to a pastor, ‘Where was God when my son died?’ The minister said, ‘The same place he was when his own son died.’
God is with us—all the time. We can focus on tragedy and ask, ‘Where was God?’ Or we can say, ‘God, this tragedy hurts. I’m in pain. Help me.’
When I spoke to the congregation in Arizona, I [asked]: ‘Do you think your pastor is sitting at the gate of heaven right now crying because he’s not here with you?’
‘No, I think he’s rejoicing in the presence of the Lord,’ someone said.
‘Absolutely right. So you don’t need to weep for him. Weep for your loss, cry because you miss him, but don’t weep for him.’”
That reminds me of how the day after the funeral, I heard the song “I Will Rise” by Chris Tomlin for the first time I really remember (listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bms0ZiM_KG0&feature=fvst), and when it reached the soaring, ethereal bridge—“And I hear the voice of many angels sing, ‘Worthy is the Lamb’…”, I pictured dad in heaven just overwhelmed by God’s glory and love, just absolutely overcome and weeping in joyful awe, and I couldn’t contain my smile, nor the tears streaming down my face. I love how even death has no lasting victory over those whose hope is in Christ. I love my God. Some of dad’s last words were how we on earth just don’t get eternity, and I felt like now he would emphasize that and how we still on earth just don’t get how incomparably amazing heaven is… “No eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined what God has prepared for those who love him” (1 Cor. 2:9). So dad is loving every minute. We can be sad because we miss him, but surely not sad for him.
Here are some excerpts from a journal entry a week after dad’s funeral that I wrote on the beach in the spot where I often go to think and pray, and where God called me to Botswana:
Death is the last enemy to be defeated and Lord how I look forward to the day when death is no more and it is swallowed up in life. And while I think that would be comforting to dad whose life was shorter than most [in USA], I am reminded that he does not need to be comforted. He is experiencing that death-swallowing victorious life right now. He is not sad that he couldn’t live 20 more years on earth now. He does not feel robbed or cheated—He is just in inexplicable, true, all-satisfying bliss, worshipping You in perpetual awe and wonder. Would he want to come back now if he could? I highly doubt it. The things God has planned for those who love Him are beyond our comprehension – “We just don’t get it” but now dad does!
Since Christ is the firstborn from the dead and opened the way of resurrection to us, we know that dad got immediate entrance into the presence of the Lord in all His glory, and one day he will get his perfect glorified body when Jesus returns to earth. Perhaps back in Jesus’ day, it was more appealing to Lazarus to return to earth, but now I’d say it would horrible to send someone back to a fractured, broken, fallen world after they have tasted the unparalleled joy of heaven and heard the music around the throne. And so I know dad is loving it, and in terms of eternity, this is just a tiny separation before we will be reunited once more FOREVER & EVER.
I will continue by God’s strength on the path He has led me down—the call to missions He whispered here in this spot 8 years to the day before I learned of dad’s death. God is faithful. He is good. His grace is sufficient. His call irrevocable. And so I will press on, running the race He’s set before me. Indomitable through Christ.
I love you, Lord. Thank You for Your faithfulness. Thank you for being my Father. I will surely miss my earthly father more and more, and Lord, I pray that You will fill in the hole with Your embrace as my Heavenly Father. I’ve never known life without dad—please help me as I walk this new, difficult road and get used to “The New Normal.” Thank You that You will never leave me nor forsake me—that You are the Father to the fatherless and protector of widows. I love You. Keep drawing me close…help me mourn and grieve “well,” in Your arms. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Thank You for being constant
No matter what happens
However big the change
You are unchanging
You are constant
Constantly faithful
Constantly beautiful
Constantly with me
I used the phrase “Indomitable through Christ” in that journal entry because in the week after dad died, I heard my aunt read that word and it just jumped out at me. I had an idea of what it meant, but I asked her just in case. My suspicions were confirmed… she said something to the effect of not being overcome or beaten down even when so much is against you. Here's a dictionary definition: Incapable of being overcome, subdued, or vanquished; unconquerable. I wrote this in an email to a friend:
We are indomitable through Christ. Amen? Amen! No matter what trials, suffering, temptations, evil darts of the enemy...deaths of loved ones, car accidents, health problems, etc...if we are in Christ, even those things cannot defeat us. And if we do die, as dad did, we go to be with Him FOREVER.
A song I heard for the first time at the concert mom and I went to on June 25 is “Our God” by Chris Tomlin. As I heard it live, it just resonated in my heart as a triumphant declaration that captures this concept of having an indomitable spirit through Christ. I absolutely LOVE this song. Listen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlA5IDnpGhc
Into the darkness You shine
Out of the ashes we rise
There’s no one like You
None like You
CHORUS
Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…
BRIDGE
And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
What can stand against?
It is largely based on Romans 8:31-39, which was in my daily bible reading plan on Tuesday. Then the next day, yesterday, in the airport as I was sitting at the gate, I happened to look up and read the shirt of a woman walking past me. Her shirt read, in all caps: INDOMITABLE SPIRIT
!!!
Our God is greater!
Blessings, and thanks for all the prayers and encouragement!
~Em
I returned to Michigan last night from my weeklong trip to Minnesota. I went out there to get my jaw checked out at my jaw specialist and to visit my bro and lots of friends. It was a great trip. Though I couldn’t see everyone I would have liked because of lack of time, I was excited to get to see so many special people in my life [I lived the majority of the last 9 years there]. The jaw specialist said my jaw is not dislocated or mis-aligned, which is good news (a year ago it was dislocated on both sides). The jaw appliance I’ve been wearing at least at night was off-balance though, so they adjusted that. I’ve just been suffering from a ‘flare-up’ in my muscles perhaps related in part to the appliance being off-balance (which really means my neck/jaw shifted). I need to wear it full-time again for a month at least and be really disciplined in heating/icing and doing exercises to loosen my jaw muscles. I had therapy done on those muscles yesterday, and it didn’t hurt as much as it had in the fall (e.g. I wasn’t tempted to bite the therapist’s hand as she massaged my jaw!), so that’s a good sign.
Thanks for the prayers for my jaw and neck (the neck’s alignment directly affects the jaw). And though it’s good to know there’s nothing hugely wrong and the pain has been lessening, please keep the prayers coming if you feel so inclined as there is still some pain when I eat. I will head back to Botswana on Monday.
Back to the main reason for my trip to the States…I realized that I never shared about dad’s funeral/celebration service itself. It was a blessing to see so many family and friends from England, Chicago, Texas, Minnesota, other parts of Michigan. Fr. Darryl Pigeon and his wife Cynthia (who led our church and youth group in Lexington for 11 years) flew up from Texas. He helped officiate the service and gave one of the eulogies, sharing how dad had been his right-hand man during his years at our church, like how Epaphroditus was such a support (brother, fellow worker) for the apostle Paul. Pastor Mitch Olson from our current church also gave a nice eulogy, the most memorable part being when he joked that dad had been saying, “We just don’t get it!” regarding eternity…and five minutes later, he got it!
Before the service started, we showed a beautiful video montage of pictures of dad’s life. Ryan’s friend Ethan is a videographer, and he put it together the night before the service after we’d been busy finding and scanning pictures.
Another special part of the service was when a group of about 15-20 of us got up to sing, “It is Well with My Soul” in 4-part harmony. Mom, Dad’s sister Roni, Ryan, and I all sang as well. This impromptu choir was the idea of one of our friends who gathered together choir friends we’ve sung with from different churches to reunite to sing it. We had no rehearsal at all…but from what I could tell and what others said, it was beautiful. During communion, I played one of my own compositions on the piano. It was the first song I composed, back when I was 17, so dad heard it many times.
After a nice luncheon in which I caught up with some of my childhood friends, we drove up to Lexington Municipal Cemetery, where dad was buried. Mom, Ryan, and I had chosen a spot in the newest section the cemetery recently acquired, so his body is the first in the furthest west section under some beautiful old trees. So looking at his grave into the setting sun, you see the large tree trunks and then a field of wild grasses behind it. Dad loved and appreciated the beauty of nature, so it’s a perfect spot. At the burial, Pastor Mitch brought along his shofar (ram's horn trumpet) from Israel and blew it to honor dad. He's only blown it on a few very special occasions.
And on a more humorous note, when I was growing up, dad, when walking the dog by the cemetery or after the Memorial Day parades that ended with a service there, would point out the irony that next to the cemetery is a yellow road sign that reads “Dead End”! He always got a kick out of that, so we had a laugh knowing he is surely amused to be buried at the “Dead End” in Lexington.
A couple days after the funeral, I went into Meijer, one of dad’s favorite places to shop. As I walked in the door, I saw a big poster ad for Cedar Point, an amusement park with tons of roller coasters. I got excited thinking of the fun I’ve had there in the past and anticipating going there again someday, and then I remembered that I can’t go on roller coasters anymore because of my neck. Then I thought about how dad is gone…and I thought as I walked down the aisle that I could really get down if I focused on all the negative things—what I can’t do anymore, how dad is gone, etc.
Then just a minute or two later, I saw and picked up Daily Devotions Inspired by 90 Minutes in Heaven [a book]. Both dad and I had read that book last fall – it’s about a man, Don Piper, who miraculously survived a horrific car accident. I happened to open right to the entry entitled: The New Normal. Here are some excerpts:
“All of us have those times when [life changes drastically]. We can never go back to the old way—the “normal” behavior or circumstances. What had been normal becomes simply the way life used to be. Because we can’t go backward, the best we can do is to learn to accept our life as it is now, move forward, and discover a new kind of normal…All of us have those times when we look at what was and compare it with what is. Some of us have had to face that a number of times; others have a single experience that is as powerful a line of demarcation as the line between B.C. and A.D.
Because the old way—the old normal—is gone, we have to find a new one… My physical condition had made me a different person…Many physical activities I had taken for granted were no longer possible….We can never return to the way life was, even though we may cry out for it. Part of our happiness depends on accepting the new reality that we are now living. This is how I function now. I can make it the best phase of my life or I can refuse to accept to accept the changes. It’s up to me. But this much I can tell anyone: If we accept the new normal, life will be happier and easier.
Dear God, I may not like the things that have changed; I wish my life had not altered. But it has. Remind me that because you love me and are in control of my life, this phase of my life can be as good as or even better than the way life was before. Amen.”
Wow…so if that didn’t address EXACTLY what I had just been thinking, I don’t know what does! I didn’t buy the book at the time, but a few days later I decided I wanted to after all. And when I picked it up a few days later to buy it, I opened to this page about church members whose pastor had just died:
“They wanted explanations and I had to tell them, ‘Sometimes there are no explanations. Sometimes we have to trust God’s wisdom and timing, despite all the sorrow we face.’…I can’t explain why some people die in horrible accidents and others don’t. I don’t know why some good people die young and some wicked people live to be ninety. If we focus only on such events, we lose our perspective.
The proper perspective is that God loves us and is with us, even during the worst of times. There is an old story about the discouraged father who cried out to a pastor, ‘Where was God when my son died?’ The minister said, ‘The same place he was when his own son died.’
God is with us—all the time. We can focus on tragedy and ask, ‘Where was God?’ Or we can say, ‘God, this tragedy hurts. I’m in pain. Help me.’
When I spoke to the congregation in Arizona, I [asked]: ‘Do you think your pastor is sitting at the gate of heaven right now crying because he’s not here with you?’
‘No, I think he’s rejoicing in the presence of the Lord,’ someone said.
‘Absolutely right. So you don’t need to weep for him. Weep for your loss, cry because you miss him, but don’t weep for him.’”
That reminds me of how the day after the funeral, I heard the song “I Will Rise” by Chris Tomlin for the first time I really remember (listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bms0ZiM_KG0&feature=fvst), and when it reached the soaring, ethereal bridge—“And I hear the voice of many angels sing, ‘Worthy is the Lamb’…”, I pictured dad in heaven just overwhelmed by God’s glory and love, just absolutely overcome and weeping in joyful awe, and I couldn’t contain my smile, nor the tears streaming down my face. I love how even death has no lasting victory over those whose hope is in Christ. I love my God. Some of dad’s last words were how we on earth just don’t get eternity, and I felt like now he would emphasize that and how we still on earth just don’t get how incomparably amazing heaven is… “No eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined what God has prepared for those who love him” (1 Cor. 2:9). So dad is loving every minute. We can be sad because we miss him, but surely not sad for him.
Here are some excerpts from a journal entry a week after dad’s funeral that I wrote on the beach in the spot where I often go to think and pray, and where God called me to Botswana:
Death is the last enemy to be defeated and Lord how I look forward to the day when death is no more and it is swallowed up in life. And while I think that would be comforting to dad whose life was shorter than most [in USA], I am reminded that he does not need to be comforted. He is experiencing that death-swallowing victorious life right now. He is not sad that he couldn’t live 20 more years on earth now. He does not feel robbed or cheated—He is just in inexplicable, true, all-satisfying bliss, worshipping You in perpetual awe and wonder. Would he want to come back now if he could? I highly doubt it. The things God has planned for those who love Him are beyond our comprehension – “We just don’t get it” but now dad does!
Since Christ is the firstborn from the dead and opened the way of resurrection to us, we know that dad got immediate entrance into the presence of the Lord in all His glory, and one day he will get his perfect glorified body when Jesus returns to earth. Perhaps back in Jesus’ day, it was more appealing to Lazarus to return to earth, but now I’d say it would horrible to send someone back to a fractured, broken, fallen world after they have tasted the unparalleled joy of heaven and heard the music around the throne. And so I know dad is loving it, and in terms of eternity, this is just a tiny separation before we will be reunited once more FOREVER & EVER.
I will continue by God’s strength on the path He has led me down—the call to missions He whispered here in this spot 8 years to the day before I learned of dad’s death. God is faithful. He is good. His grace is sufficient. His call irrevocable. And so I will press on, running the race He’s set before me. Indomitable through Christ.
I love you, Lord. Thank You for Your faithfulness. Thank you for being my Father. I will surely miss my earthly father more and more, and Lord, I pray that You will fill in the hole with Your embrace as my Heavenly Father. I’ve never known life without dad—please help me as I walk this new, difficult road and get used to “The New Normal.” Thank You that You will never leave me nor forsake me—that You are the Father to the fatherless and protector of widows. I love You. Keep drawing me close…help me mourn and grieve “well,” in Your arms. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Thank You for being constant
No matter what happens
However big the change
You are unchanging
You are constant
Constantly faithful
Constantly beautiful
Constantly with me
I used the phrase “Indomitable through Christ” in that journal entry because in the week after dad died, I heard my aunt read that word and it just jumped out at me. I had an idea of what it meant, but I asked her just in case. My suspicions were confirmed… she said something to the effect of not being overcome or beaten down even when so much is against you. Here's a dictionary definition: Incapable of being overcome, subdued, or vanquished; unconquerable. I wrote this in an email to a friend:
We are indomitable through Christ. Amen? Amen! No matter what trials, suffering, temptations, evil darts of the enemy...deaths of loved ones, car accidents, health problems, etc...if we are in Christ, even those things cannot defeat us. And if we do die, as dad did, we go to be with Him FOREVER.
A song I heard for the first time at the concert mom and I went to on June 25 is “Our God” by Chris Tomlin. As I heard it live, it just resonated in my heart as a triumphant declaration that captures this concept of having an indomitable spirit through Christ. I absolutely LOVE this song. Listen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlA5IDnpGhc
Into the darkness You shine
Out of the ashes we rise
There’s no one like You
None like You
CHORUS
Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…
BRIDGE
And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
What can stand against?
It is largely based on Romans 8:31-39, which was in my daily bible reading plan on Tuesday. Then the next day, yesterday, in the airport as I was sitting at the gate, I happened to look up and read the shirt of a woman walking past me. Her shirt read, in all caps: INDOMITABLE SPIRIT
!!!
Our God is greater!
Blessings, and thanks for all the prayers and encouragement!
~Em
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